Part 4: NXIVM woman: What Vanguard told me he would do if I left him, as if he were GOD

How many women were coerced into being branded? Voluntary? No. Not at all.


After a tune-up session, which consisted of him performing cunnilingus on me and culminated in my telling him I had an orgasm [to end it, which was a lie], and his ejaculation from his semi limp dick on my breasts, I asked him:

You talk of peace, yet concern yourself with litigation which is a form of war; you speak of finding truth, yet you lie about many things and ask me and others to lie; you speak of love, yet you want to torture ex-lovers, maybe me one day, and you speak of plenty, and you are obsessed with starvation.

He said: These contradictions are not accidental, nor do they result from hypocrisy: they are deliberate exercises. For it is only by reconciling contradictions that disintegrations are removed. Understand, if you and the other High Rank, as we call them, are to keep your places –  then the prevailing mental condition of all members must be controlled.

One question at any rate was answered.  I told him something about the pain I endured when I was branded:

Never, for any reason on earth, could I wish for an increase of pain. Of pain I could wish only one thing: that it would stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain, there were no heroes, no heroes, I thought over and over as I writhed on the branding table at Allison’s house, clutching uselessly at the edge of the table while my arms and legs were held down and Dr. Roberts looked down at me leaning over like one who was demented.

He said: You had a feeling of deadly helplessness. But you volunteered, remember?

Volunteered? Had he forgotten the collateral? If I could have been certain that Vanguard was lying, it would not have seemed to matter. But it was perfectly possible that Vanguard had really forgotten the photographs. And if so, then he would have forgotten his denial of remembering it, and forgotten the act of forgetting. How could one be sure that it was simple trickery? Perhaps that lunatic dislocation in the mind could really happen: that was the thought that defeated me.

I tell you, he continued, that reality is not external. Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. Not in the individual mind, which can make mistakes, and in any case soon perishes: only in my mind,  which is immortal. Whatever I hold to be truth, is truth. It is impossible to see reality except by looking through the eyes of Vanguard.

How can I help seeing what is in front of my eyes? Two and two are four, I said.

Sometimes. Sometimes, they are five. Sometimes, they are three. Sometimes, they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become integrated.

When finally you surrender, he told me, it must be of your own free will. I do not destroy the defiant one because she resists, so long as she resists me I never destroy her. I convert her, I capture her inner mind, I reshape her. I burn all evil and all illusion out of her; I bring her over to my side, not in appearance, but genuinely, heart and soul. I make her one of us before I kill her. That is what I mean by ‘I have had people killed for my beliefs’. It is intolerable that an erroneous thought should exist in NXIVM, however secret and powerless it may be. Even in the instant of death, I cannot permit deviation. I make the brain perfect before I blow it out.

I thought he was merely trying to frighten me and he did not mean what he said about killing or he was acting as if he were not a man but GOD.

He continued: The command of the tyrant is Thou Shalt Not. My command is Thou Shalt. My command is Thou Art. No one whom I bring to this place ever stands against me. Everyone is washed clean. Do not imagine that if you ever leave you will save yourself, however completely you surrender to me later. No one who has once gone astray is ever spared. And even if I chose to let you live out the natural term of your life, still you would never escape from me. What happens to you here is forever. Understand that in advance. I shall crush you down to the point from which there is no coming back if you defy me.

Things will happen to you from which you could not recover, if you lived a thousand years. If you try to leave me, never again will you be capable of ordinary human feeling. Everything will be dead inside you. Never again will you be capable of love, or friendship, or joy of living, or laughter, or curiosity, or courage, or integrity. You will be hollow. I will squeeze you empty and then I shall fill you with myself.


Vanguard is a life coach.

About the author

Frank Parlato


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  • Keith is so full of shit. If you said ‘boo’ to the man he’d run like a baby to someone to help him.
    You can only mess with someone mind for so long. There is therapy. Come on 10,000 years, really. He’s so full of hot air they must be having a heatwave in Mexico.
    He wants everyone to think he’s evil but the only power he has is access to money and the ability to con others.
    Take away his source of money (freeze the Bronfman money via an investigation) and start breaking up the herd by bringing in the top leaders one by one and seeing who will take a deal first.
    So who will play Lets Make A Deal?
    Nancy to help save Lauren & Lauren to save her mom
    Steve Ose to save himself so he can be with his wife & child, his wife so she can raise her child
    Clare so she doesn’t have to wear that Orange jump suit
    Karen U, she was really dumped by Keith after all these years, what does she really owe him?
    Ben Meyers, so he can be with Michelle?
    Emi so he can get a fresh start with the people of Mexico?
    Kathy Russell, she knows about the cash, as well as Karen Abney?
    These are just a few, but the bus to making a deal is short

  • Ah BUT, Keith

    What does one do when the god himself is sick and demented? When your small cock cannot fill because it’s totally empty and void of life? What happens then, when you have succeeded in killing our minds in order to fill our souls which you are certainly not virile enough to manage? Keep searching for that one little girl that you can successfully and wholly rape!

  • Sooo, no one is going to call out that this entire post is largely consisting of copy and pasted text lifted straight out of passages from the torture sequences of 1984? i.e. the current choice of the cult book club?

    Meaning this entire series is obviously Keith trolling? You might want to make a note, Frank…

    • Is this really copied from 1984?…I bet it is Keith or other NXIVM members writing those posts. They love to mess with people and “false flag”.. these kinds of sociopaths get off on tricking people. Duping delight.

      • yes, it’s really copied. shouldve known… keith speaks in word salad. he isnt smart enough to come up with something like this.

        some copy/pasted parts:

        1. “One question at any rate was answered…” up until “[he] thought over and over as [he] writhed… clutching uselessly…”

        2. “[But I tell you, Winston,] that reality is not external…” up until “only in the mind of the [Party], which is [collective and] immortal. Whatever [the Party] hold[s] to be the truth…” and then up until “It is impossible to see reality except by looking through the eyes of [the Party.]”

        3. The entire exchange about 2 plus 2 not always being 4 is obviously inspired by the scene where Winston is tortured until he agrees that it isn’t.

        4. “When finally you surrender [to us], it must be of your own free will. [We] do not destroy [the heretic] because [he] resists [us]…” … “[We] make the brain perfect before we blow it out. The command of the [old despotisms]
        is ‘Thou shalt not’. [The] command [of the totalitarians was] ‘Thou shalt’. [Our] command is ‘Thou art.’” up until “[We] shall crush you down to the point from which there is no coming back.” and through to the end.

  • Read the four parts to this post and each successively more difficult to follow.

    An interesting exercise to read these with the filter of Keith or a defender of his as the author.

  • This eerily brings to mind Kristen Snyder’s suicide note, where she said “I didn’t realize I was already dead.” Did Snyder have personal interactions with Raniere? If so, did he mess with her mind in the way he describes?

    • There are some of us,that don’t believe Kristin Snyder committed suicide. She might still be alive and imprisoned by Keith somewhere, desperately scared for her life, or murder by Keith. (He had her killed) because of something that happened when she was in Albany shortly before.

      It would have need very difficult to make that drive in the amount of time she was said to have made it.

      I never bought the story I was told. Kristin had a solid head on her shoulder. Something happened when she was ibn Albany. Esther might know

  • It’s a fire and brimstone hell eternal for anyone who leaves. He is not Lucifer he is Jehovah in his crazed mind. And those who leave are LuciferIans

  • This is creepy and bone chilling. If it is literally true or not I don’t know but it captures the reality in a shocking way. This is what Raniere hunts the women he is demented into thinking he is God.

About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” In addition, he was credited in the Starz docuseries 'Seduced' for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premieres on May 22, 2022.

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Contact Frank with tips or for help.
Phone / Text: (305) 783-7083