This is Part 7 of the Keith and Cami Texts.
The year is 2015. Raniere is 55. Cami is 25.
Raniere has started DOS and is deceptively luring Camila into it.
She has learned to lie, learned to be secretive, learned to give up everything for him.
But he wants more.
And He is Your Vanguard.
September 8th, 8:53 p.m.
CAMI: I am trying to decide what to do the rest of the Night… Should I go out meet people… should I go get a tattoo that says I [heart] Keith?
KEITH: Read? Love us? I miss you honey!
October 1st, 8:27 p.m.
Cami becomes upset when she finds out she is not Keith’s only slave.
CAMI: Does Nicki [Clyne] have a slave collar.
KEITH: Honey, I love you, but are you going to ask different people who are also slaves? Whatever I answer I feel I lose.
CAMI: I have her right next to me and it looks like she has one [a collar]. That’s all. And you said you took her on, so when you answer “whatever I answer, I lose,” I take it as you saying yes.
KEITH: If you knew how I loved you, you would not care even if it were true.
CAMI: I am not happy, and even less happy that you deflect.
KEITH: I am extremely saddened that you are in any way unhappy. It cuts at the root of everything for me. Calling what I am saying about process a deflection is further disturbing because it seems like you don’t understand principle.
CAMI: I don’t understand your answers. That you won’t give me a simple yes or no answer to me says that you have something to hide. Why wouldn’t you just answer? That’s one.
KEITH: So you don’t understand principle….
CAMI: Two, is that you would suggest I get one [a slave collar] when she already has one. The fact that this exists now makes me question everything else you have said. It [was] just [to] be ours, just with me.
KEITH: Hasn’t it occurred to you I have nothing to hide because I own you?
CAMI: Just as you own many others.
KEITH: You really need to change this attitude. This is very bad.
CAMI: I feel extremely betrayed. I feel insignificant, worthless and disposable to you. I am wondering what else have you not told me.
KEITH: Your pride is over the top. Unless you can somehow make me believe you get it and are truly sorry, this is very bad. If you are humble, you can’t be betrayed by me. Only ugly pride does that.
CAMI: I wish you were here right now. The fact that you don’t give me answers hurts a lot.
KEITH: Do you need me to continue to blame, so you might break your pride?
KEITH: I think it would be good for you to own a fuck toy slave for me that you could groom and use as a tool to pleasure me.
CAMI: Huh? Not disagreeing, just don’t understand.
KEITH: But you’re my wife. She isn’t. Just a tool for you to use for me.
CAMI: A person?
KEITH: Get a slave, you’re her master.
CAMI: Hmmm, do you really want that?
KEITH: Do you not?
CAMI: I’m not as turned on by owning.
KEITH: Then I’ll own [her].
CAMI: I don’t know. What if you like her more than me?
KEITH: Will never happen. That insecurity is why I suggested her being your slave.
CAMI: Okay, okay, okay, maybe I can get behind that.
KEITH: Maybe I’ll command you. … I need to go. Text later my dearest little fuck toy slave.
CAMI: Yes, my love.
KEITH: Sometimes you might call me “Master” when you are being my slave.
October 9, 10:18 a.m.
KEITH: … would you accept a brand?
CAMI: What does that mean? A brand? Like a cow? Branded like cattle? I thought that’s what you meant last night and that’s why I brought up tattoos.
KEITH: Using heat, creating a mark more permanent than a tattoo, I think the branding of humans preceded that of cattle.
CAMI: You want to burn me?
KEITH: You don’t want to burn for me?….
CAMI: I am going to burn in hell for you, but I didn’t think you would want to burn me. I’ll do it if you want. I don’t understand your resistance towards tattoos, though.
KEITH: Not the point. I don’t want to burn you.
CAMI: I prefer tattoos, honestly, they are more defined and I like them more aesthetically.
KEITH: This is different. You will have tattoos for other things, branding is more unique and possessive.
CAMI: I am not against it, but it is not my favorite choice.
KEITH: I understand. I don’t think you understand it. If you did, I believe you’d really want it.
Keith explains how he set up DOS to Cami.
KEITH: Without going into detail, it [the desire to worship Keith?] caused there to be other slaves. All who want to be branded with my monogram, plus a number. Your number is reserved. It is number one. It [DOS] is now a secret, growing organization. I don’t know well some of the people involved, but I command them ultimately. They are not who you might think. I think there are ten or more in the current Jness track [in DOS] and others outside of it.
CAMI: Does that mean that they know about each other?
CAMI: You said the main ones do to a degree. Do what? Do [they] know about us?
KEITH: Yes, and [they] know you are number one.
CAMI: What? I thought no one knew.
KEITH: No one knew which thing?
CAMI: About us.
KEITH: You are still not telling me your thoughts or feelings.
CAMI: Who knows about us?
KEITH: Before I tell you more, I want to know what you are thinking and feeling and that you still love me just as much.
CAMI: There is a lot I don’t understand. I like uniqueness, one-of-a-kind-ness. I do love you just as much.
KEITH: Two through seven [of the First Line Slaves] know you are [number] one.
CAMI: I’m okay with you having other slaves. I assume that these are not sexual.
KEITH: They may or may not be. They would be if I commanded, but that is not the reason for the organization.
CAMI: I would like to be the one that knows your body.
KEITH: It is an absolutely trusted commitment.
CAMI: I want to be the one that worships your body.
KEITH: Many will not even know of my existence. Some don’t already.
CAMI: Also, although I vowed servitude and I get great pleasure from serving you, I always imagined us being a partnership. You know, us against the world.
KEITH: Yes. Still possible but know there are others I trust. I had to, or else I would have had to send you to a psych ward in Mexico….
CAMI: I don’t get that.
KEITH: I can explain sometime but, in the USA, attempting suicide can lead to murder charges [against Keith] if you succeed [in committing suicide] in the future. There are also some ethical issues that are very difficult.
October 10, 9:32 a.m.
Keith is back to punishing Cami for her brief affair with Robbie.
KEITH: This was bad because you are not at G0 [ground zero – her home?] You have affirmed him. You have made that Friday okay. [a certain Friday when she had sex with Robbie?] You have disgraced me. He [Robbie] needed to feel like a rapist and that no part of you liked him or thought him okay. How can you reverse this now, he needs to believe he disgusts you?
CAMI: I have disgraced you?
KEITH: Yes. In the worst, deepest sense. Only if he believes he disgusts you and nothing was good [about sex with him] can it not. I’m crushed. I think this has to be the last conversation [Keith has with her]. You had to be perfect. I told you so. I don’t know what to do at all. Each moment is more damaged. Every time he [Robbie] sees you now, more damage. I feel all is lost and you’re silent.
CAMI: I’m crying.
KEITH: I’m going to cut off then. We will need to finish a few things and you need to move out. That’s all you can do? I guess that’s it then. Goodbye.
KEITH: Then do something?
CAMI: I don’t know what to do.
KEITH: Nullify what he [Robbie] might think [that she liked having sex with Robbie]. Tell me what you did each of the few times [she had sex with Robbie] right now.
KEITH: Find a life slave and I will tell you everything.
CAMI: What do you mean by life slave?
KEITH: Someone who has a collateralized vow with you for life.
October 11, 5:40 p.m.
CAMI: Do you want to have babies with me?
KEITH: I’ve told you this… I’m sad you don’t remember…
CAMI: You said yes? Did you say you wanted a litter of Keiths and Camis?
CAMI: I am yours. I will brand, pierce, tattoo, freeze, cut my body if it helps.
KEITH: Do all the things I mentioned intensely. Think of things to do even more. Think of things to please me.
CAMI: I wrote them down. I am on it.
KEITH: What are your thoughts? Feelings? All of them have slaves in process. Some have several completed.
CAMI: I feel insecure but at the same time I feel proud of you. You are worthy of a following like that.
KEITH: So are you. You’re number one.
CAMI: I would be proud to stand next to you.
KEITH: Even naked with six other committed naked women?
October 13, 9:46 p.m.
CAMI: Ha ha. Oh, man, I am so curious.
KEITH: About what?
CAMI: Your slaves. Their identities and level.
KEITH: Well, apart from you, there are six first line. Not Pam, Monkey, Karen, Dawn, Lauren, Nancy, Rebecca and many others you might suspect. The front line forms a group that are all devoted to each other and me.
October 14, 3:38 p.m.
CAMI: How much can I share with Allison? She’s asking about our relationship. I think I’m going to throw up or faint. Can I text Berta? I still feel like I want to throw up. There is much I don’t know and understand. The children thing breaks my heart more than I ever thought possible. I wanted a life with you. I wanted my purity and devotion and your love and beauty to create beautiful children to inhabit the world. It feels like death. I feel like I’m going to break. Allison called the slave thing like sister-wives and I don’t know … what it is or what you want it to be. I’m also struggling with the fact that I’ve paid my dues. I also owe because of what I did [sleep with Robbie]. For ten years, and they are just coming in, and at least Allison assumes she is the same as me and we are all the same. I’m sorry. That bothered me. She has no clue. She is fresh and excited because she just came in. I don’t think it is right to level that to ten years of our life together.
KEITH: Please heal this. Both paths are different and can’t be compared. A restarted broken path of ten years is not comparable to a new path.
CAMI: What do you mean? What specifically are you referring to when you say heal this?
KEITH: I just threw up blood for 15 minutes. I want my sweet love loving happy Cami back.
CAMI: By the way, what do the numbers mean? She knew her number. Do they all know their number? I need to sit. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I thought I’d stand next to you as number one. I thought I’d be your partner and I was even thinking of ways of helping them feel special and included….
Can it still be our home with our kids and our love? I’ll give my arm for it.
KEITH: Yes. But you need to find slaves quickly that are good.
CAMI: Are these slaves for you? Or for us?
KEITH: There are two types. Both types are for us. One type is in the program. You are their master. I am their Grandmaster. The other type are very select ones you use to heal us, likely being also of the first type.
CAMI: Okay. I am asking because these persons will be in our life forever but I was not involved in the process of choosing who. I am afraid I will not be comfortable with the others.
KEITH: You choose your slaves.
CAMI: What about the seven? Allison said these seven were forever. She and others will be forever in my life.
KEITH: They are first to me, first line to me but if any suit the purpose, I obviously have access.
CAMI: But I did not pick them. Yeah, but what if I don’t want one of the seven forever in my life?
KEITH: The circumstance will need to evolve. It should be that way if you’re devoted and love me. That they have committed should give them respect and care from you also, as well as the other way around.
CAMI: But you didn’t ask. You have stuck me with seven women for life and didn’t ask. I’m afraid Nicky will be part of it. I would never pick Nicky or Monica. I would pick someone like Melissa. Or Pam. Or Marisa. I feel like I’m drowning.
KEITH: Marisa who?
CAMI: Jness from Monterrey. I feel like I’m going to be sick. The way it was presented and the way it actually is, is very different. I am struggling. I am holding onto your love. I haven’t stopped shaking. I want to hold you and for you to hold me.
KEITH: It feels worse than that because of how you’re experiencing this. I am truly heartbroken at the deepest level. I would hope you would eagerly embrace everyone I might choose, in part, because you know, I choose by virtue. Even if I chose a female Hitler. … I feel like you are rejecting me all again. I should have kept things to myself.
CAMI: No. No. No, no. No rejection. If anything, I’m holding onto you. This is just not what I thought. I really thought it would take away from us but all the time you spend with them you choose not to spend with me. It hurts. Did you like female Hitler?
KEITH: It won’t at all if you embrace it without reservation. This is what a good slave would do.
CAMI: I want to be good for you. I wanted to be good enough to be your wife. Good enough to be wanted.
KEITH: Considering what I’ve endured over the past year plus, doesn’t that demonstrate anything to you?
CAMI: Yes, my honey, it really does. I’m just sharing how it feels. I know you love me. Honey, please tell me you didn’t pick Nicky or Monica. You know I’ve always had issues with them. Also, when you mention the slaves, I thought you were putting me as number one meant something. At today I feel like I was downgraded. I’m just struggling, that’s all. It was a lot at once, give me time. I feel like my identity was blended in with the others. I’m just sharing feelings, not making accusations. I love you. I’m mourning the loss of you and me against the world. I’d give anything to have that back. You and me against the world. That was special.
KEITH: It could be. But after tonight I feel disheartened. Instead of joyfully accepting everything I do and have done, you’re not. How can it be you and me against the world if that’s true?
CAMI: No, my sweetheart, I am accepting. I am just scared shitless. I am so sorry. I’m not rejecting it or you.
KEITH: The thing you would have to give up is all your negative pride and love me enough to be fearless.