Noisy Mouse: TOP 10 THINGS Keith Raniere can do to keep warm in Prison

By Noisy Mouse

“Boohoo Boohoo. My little cup is cold. Just like my shriveled sausage. Please, alms for the poor kind Sir”

Cry me a river. I’m sure we could HEAT UP VANGUARD with some cauterizing irons. In fact, here are my suggestions to keep Vanguard warm during a minor cold spell.

Without further ado…the TOP 10 THINGS Keith Raniere can do to keep warm in Prison

1) Brand his Johnson. Although it maybe hard (not the Johnson) because it is so small and shriveled. Just like Keith’s heart

2) Do some running back in forth in his cell. Just like he ordered his women to do.

3) Walk around in his cell. He is a world champion walker, right? Known to walk 18+ miles per day.

4) Practice his Judo skills with his fellow inmates. Judon’t know if Keith shit his pants or pissed himself after he was headbutted.

5) Take away his gray. Keep practicing his hair coloring skills. He’s going to be doing a lot of that in prison.

6) Have a contest – See which inmate can hit Vanguard the hardest. Just like he told the real Karate guy to beat up women at VD Week. We could tell the inmates to hit Keith. Winner gets a prize

7) Practice dropping the soap repeatedly. Well…El Cheapo doesn’t bathe, so that may not work.

8) Inmate beauty contest. Dress Keith up and have him passed around as a sex toy. His hair is already blue anyway. Does the carpet match the drapes? Shit, I think I just threw up in my mouth.

9) Practice setting off radar detectors. He does have this mental ability to set off electronics because of the energy emitted from his high IQ brain, am I right?

10) Consider how stupid it was of Nicky Clyne to post InstaHo pictures of Keith’s hidden location in Old Mexico. How dumb was that? I would be pissed off, hot under the collar, and very angry for that level of criminal incompetence.


About the author

Frank Parlato


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  • Numbers 8 and 10 actually made me laugh. I needed a good chuckle.

    I wonder how much Nicky Clyne is out of favor with the group? Allison and she are married, so why is Nicky Cline not around at all for appearance sake? It is a sham marriage. Is Nicky helping with logistics of any kind? Money moving and laundering?

    conspiracy theories abound….there are so many different crazy facets to this story.

  • Bangkok name switch up yet again. Noisy Mouse. A Nony Mouse. Possibly The Spectator. May or may not be Flowers.

  • For the new readers, Mr. Parlato recorded this in a June 3, 2018, article here on his report: “Because he is a compassionate Vanguard, he directed that the sesnei’s hardest punches – that left big bruises – be directed only at the arms – and not the groin, the stomach or the head.” So, when I review that article I can understand the lack of ANY compassion for this man in his cold prison.

  • To point 10:
    Maybe Nicki wasn’t aware her Vanguard was on the run.
    Maybe Vanguard told her the same lies that were later in his bail application.
    Nicki can’t imagine that her Vanguard is, was, and will be just a stupid liar.
    Or on the other hand, Nicki knew that the FBI would find Vanguard anyway.

  • Hey, Dennis, some free advice to help you better orchestrate a sock puppet scheme here; to begin, it might be more believable if you mix it up a bit between your multiple accounts. When your fake accounts use the exact same style of ALL CAPS for emphasis, it makes certain logical conclusions painfully obvious to readers, such as “NoisyMouse” = “One Night in Bangkok”, despite attempts to spin some of your multiple-personality accounts as “good cop” or “bad cop.” You’ve tried to create the appearance of several parties when in reality your patterns among multiple accounts are as easy to spot as Vanguard’s predictable habits at V-Week. Speaking of bad cops, exactly when did you change sides in your work history, Mr. “ex-prosecutor?” Or were you ever “good” in the first place?

    Considering the factually true reports about thousands of weapons trafficked to Mexican cartels while you were on the job as top cop in Arizona, it’s hard to know what to think about you any more, big guy. Were you working for cartels the whole time, while spewing b.s., using the “Arizona-Mexico relationship” as cover? Talk about a “scheme.” Holy friggin’ moly. Never knew you were capable of such nightmares.

    It’s so outlandish to see you spending hours out of your days and weeks like a loser, trying to influence readers of FrankReport with a sock puppet, multiple-accounts posting scheme trying to hide behind a poorly configured first generation cheap VPN that leaks packet fragments as if it were a muffler on a Mexican taxi. Then again, you have some experience with leaks, covering your tracks with desperate measures, and topics relating to Mexico, don’t you.

    Embarrassed for you, man. big time. Honestly, watching you do all of this — including the legal representation of a Nxivm in the first place, from the start through present day with your blog posts in multiple names, knowing who you used to be and how people viewed you back then, watching your downward spiral in to the hands of prosecutors in the E.D.N.Y. is one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen. Believe it or not, I don’t -want- to see you this way — I was never the fake friend you were — but it is what it is.

  • It is truly bizarre, putting it bear witness to Dennis Burke submitting awkward chummy posts to FrankReport under what has to be at least six, more like nine pseudonym account names, (we lost count a while ago) ostensibly hoping to gain points with Frank Parlato.

    We know Burke desperately wants to control what ever aspect of the NXIVM dialogue he can. I guess the hope is that one of the aliases might start to gain positive traction, allowing Burke to somehow steer the conversation with one of his fake accounts as a result. As his role in the whole fiasco becomes more evident, he’s displayed increasingly desperate behavior.

    From being a one time big-shot U.S. Attorney, to staying up late nights apparently drunk posting on Frank’s blog with a small army of fake accounts, taunting prosecutors with certain aliases; trying to make nice through other aliases, while watching his own name surface in the prosecution’s documents as a subject in the NXIVM investigation. What a difference a few years and a series of bad decisions makes… that he’s been outed as a lawyer for the Sex Cult, the University of Arizona must be proud of Dennis Burke!

    • According to the laws of common sense, there’s approximately a 0.00% chance that your detailed theories about Dennis Burke posting here are actually true.

      Actually, that figure is closer to -1% (negative 1%) since giving it a 0% chance is simply too generous. LOL.

      Look… It’s a free country and it’s your constitutional right to believe in conspiracy theories about Dennis Burke posting here. There’s no law against adults believing in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy either.

      However, in all seriousness, I’m not sure that you’re adding to your credibility by repeating these insane sounding “fantasy theories” about Dennis Burke being Bangkok or Santa Claus or whoever. Those child-like theories have about as much basis in reality as claiming that the Easter Bunny is posting here under the moniker ‘Frank Parlato’.

      I completely understand why Heidi keeps making these claims (about Dennis Burke posting here) because she’s been legitimately victimized by Keith and NXIVM for so many years that she’s built tall walls around her regarding all things related to NXIVM (i.e. Keith has victimized her so much that she now fixates on NXIVM and their attorneys 24/7 and truly believes that every negative experience in her life — including every negative post against her — must be guided by NXIVM personnel as part of a conspiracy to bring her down or silence her criticisms).

      However, although she may have LEGITIMATELY suffered from NXIVM and their attorneys in the past, I’m not sure that most NXIVM attorneys would even know who she is today since she poses no risk to Keith or Clare in their upcoming trials (especially when compared to the many other witnesses lining up against them).

      Thus, it makes no sense for anybody associated with NXIVM to spend even one minute thinking about Heidi Hutchinson AT THE CURRENT MOMENT, especially in the context of their upcoming trials where Keith and Clare are facing years in prison and probably couldn’t care less about Heidi at this moment in time.

      Do you really think Clare is thinking about Heidi right now?

      Guess what?

      Clare is preparing for the fight of her life at trial and is facing years in prison, but Heidi is not a part of that trial. Thus, attempting to ‘intimidate’ Heidi would not help Clare or Keith one bit at their trials.

      Keith DOES NOT BELIEVE that silencing his critics — like Heidi — will set him free from prison because he’s ALREADY been indicted and he can’t be set free unless he wins a full acquittal at trial, or at least hangs the jury a couple of times in a row. Same is true for Clare Bear’s trial .

      Heidi has ZERO impact on Clare’s trial or Keith’s trial. No matter what Heidi does (or doesn’t do) between now and then, Clare and Keith are facing years in prison if convicted. They are obviously worried about prosecutors, evidence and JANE DOE WITNESSES testifying against them at trial. They are likely NOT worried about old enemies from the distant past like Heidi Hutchinson right now.

      However, with Heidi I can at least ‘understand’ her need to speak about conspiracy theories regarding Dennis Burke being Bangkok or the Easter Bunny (or whoever) since she has experienced the bad side of NXIVM in the past.

      …But when OTHER posters repeat such nonsense it only makes you sound borderline insane and might be better reserved for the next episode of The Twilight Zone. LOL.


      *Private* Note to Frank (about deleting posts):

      This is a fair post given the claims being made about Burke and Bangkok, LOL, especially since you’re allowing these other posters to make wild accusations which border on being ‘insane’ at times. Fair is fair.

      BTW: I’m perfectly okay with Heidi believing in these insane sounding theories along with this other ‘anonymous’ person who seems to be a friend of Heidi’s, but I just wanted to make this response available to other posters who might not yet realize the insanity of these “conspiracy theories”. They deserve to have a post — like this one– that’s rooted in reality and not fiction.

    • Anon, you’ve said “Noisy Mouse” is another Burke acronym and this post DOES have a Bangcockish feel to it, to me too. This is all pretty desperate. Poor Dennis Burke! Is he berserk? Now, he’s taken to cussing out Emiliano’s “bitch actress wife” and talking about Emi and Alex poking eachother’s buttholes..,scary! I don’t even want to comment on that thread, Did you see it? Maybe he’s trying to get Frank in trouble with the Mexicans who don’t suspect Burke yet and suppose it’s Frank himself? Or, I just don’t get this.

About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” Parlato was also credited in the Starz docuseries "Seduced" for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Additionally, Parlato’s coverage of the group OneTaste, starting in 2018, helped spark an FBI investigation, which led to indictments of two of its leaders in 2023.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premiered on May 22, 2022. Most recently, he consulted and appeared on Tubi's "Branded and Brainwashed: Inside NXIVM," which aired January, 2023.

IMDb — Frank Parlato

Contact Frank with tips or for help.
Phone / Text: (305) 783-7083


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