I spent some time with Keith Raniere and the inner circle. Many called him ‘Vanguard’, but to me he was mostly just ‘Keith.’ He became someone I saw as a friend, mentor, a wise man, and someone who had my best interests at heart. He earned this reputation with me mostly because of how other people spoke about him and edified him.
I never actually wanted to spend time with him and I was afraid of him. But I was taught that my resistance was just my pride trying to stop me from growing, so I ignored my instincts, and reluctantly allowed him to break me down. Saying ‘thank you’ with every blow.
He had me do things that I’d rather not mention here. Degrading things. I thought it was all to help me with this pride he said I struggled with and could be free of, if I just did what he said.
I thought he was doing me a favor, and he did tell me it was a great burden on him to help me grow. So I expressed my gratitude and tried to do better.
People saw me spending time with him and seemed jealous. I saw the looks the other women gave me. I didn’t want to ‘check in’ with him, but I felt I had to, or I’d be seen as weak. So I ‘checked in’ with him, and he continued to belittle me. Looking back at those messages, I can see they were not kind. He was not being caring at all. He was insulting me and trying to make me feel bad about myself, trying to ‘humble’ me, humiliate me, control me.
By breaking me down and working with everyone else around me to do the same, he successfully got control of the following things:
My employment. It became more and more about serving his ‘mission’ and giving up all the things I cared about. I pretended to care about the mission, because I thought I had no choice. I did all the ‘right’ things. I gave up the things I loved.
I did eventually come to my senses and got the hell out of there. But this breaking down and controlling, left me broken in so many ways:
I now struggle with a lack of self-worth. I habitually doubt myself. My body is damaged and broken in ways that make it hard to function normally and I cannot afford proper health care. I lost most of my business contacts and many of my friends. I look over my shoulder, and don’t trust most people around me as I know he has sent people to spy on those who leave.
I am angry. Furious at what he took from me, and in despair that I can’t help those that are still in — to see what he’s doing to them.
To anyone who’s still in: Read up about cult mind control. Please, at least give yourself the chance to get the data. How could any ‘data’ be evil? You need to get the accurate data to make a good decision! Please read Rick Ross’ book then make up your own mind.