We have read Lauren Salzman’s letter to the judge ‘I Really Love Everyone I Hurt and I Have to Live With This Horrible Truth Every Single Day’.
What readers have not seen – and perhaps might wish to read to compare it with Salzman’s letter – is Allison Mack’s statement to Judge Nicholas Garaufis, delivered just minutes before she was sentenced to three years in prison.
It is a well-written statement but it was not enough to spare Mack from three years in federal prison (Lauren received 5-years of supervised probation but no prison time).
By Allison Mack
Yes, Your Honor. I stand before you today filled with remorse and guilt. To begin, I would like to state unequivocally that my behavior while in DOS was abusive, abhorrent and illegal.
I also want to be clear to this Court and to the victims that I renounce Keith Raniere and all his teachings. I cannot imagine the pain that the victims must have experienced because of my actions. For this, from the deepest part of my heart and soul, I am sorry.
I understand that what I chose cannot be undone but it is my sincere hope that an apology coupled with my promise to live a life dedicated to rehabilitation may offer some semblance of peace for you as you move ahead. I am thankful for your bravery in stepping forward and speaking out.
One of the thoughts I find most terrifying is where would be now had we not been stopped. Your courage and tenacity to right these wrongs rescued me and stopped so many other horrible things from happening. Over the course of a decade I bought into the belief that I could only become the person I wanted to be through total devotion to Keith Raniere.
I justified his transgressions, fulfilled his every request and made choices that I will forever regret. I rejected anyone who tried to show me the truth, investing myself more and more deeply into his perverse schemes.
Coming out from under this delusion has been the most difficult experience of my life. To admit that I was wrong meant that I had to acknowledge the pain I caused and the depth of destruction that lay in my wake. But now I know without a doubt that I was wrong. The shame of this recognition has been crippling and the guilt is permanent.
I’m also sorry to the families and loved ones of the victims affected by my choices. During this process I have relearned just how valuable family is. I’m ashamed for the way I behaved and how I treated those most precious to you.
Finally, I want to say I’m sorry to my family and loved ones. I know this has been an intensely painful road and words cannot express how significant your presence has been throughout all of this. Your willingness to forgive me for my destructive choices is truly miraculous and I would not be alive today without your support.
Thank you to the AUSAs for your patience and humanity that you showed as I came out from under my cloud of delusion. Sorry. (Pause to weep.)
On the day of my arraignment you insisted that my conditions of release include moving back home to my childhood place with my parents. This felt like a nightmare at the time but quickly became the greatest gift I could have received.
My family and close community surrounded me with support and care as I fought my way back to myself and took ownership of the truth. I wish more than anything I could have seen my mistakes sooner. I know this would have spared Your Honor, the court and so many people I love so much trouble and turmoil.
And lastly, thank you to you, Judge Garaufis, for supporting my process of rehabilitation because you allowed me to go to school and to share in important events with my family. I’ve been able to create a path forward for myself and develop the tools I need to continue to right the wrongs I committed. I am grateful for the patience and humanity you have demonstrated towards me over these past three years.
I have complete faith that your fair and compassionate deliberation regarding my sentence will be a huge part of righting this wrong and helping me progress beyond this horrific chapter of my life with integrity.