I got this submission from a gentlemen who seems to know what he is talking about.
By Herman Schmodamaker
Word out of the Metropolitan Detention Center (MDC) is that Keith Raniere, the incarcerated leader of the NXIVM sex-slaver cult, has hired one of the many “jailhouse lawyers” there to supplement his previous 5-member legal team. And with the help of this newest legal team member, Raniere has crafted a new bail package that he believes will answer all the questions and objections that the prosecutors in his case have raised about his prior bail proposals.
The new plan will include all the components that have previously been offered – and add some new components that Raniere believes will make it impossible for U.S. District Court Judge Nicholas G. Garaufis to turn down.
Based on the notes that were smuggled out of MDC by an enterprising guard who earns a little on the side for such services, the new bail package will include the following:
• A $20 million bail bond that is backed by Raniere’s personal pledge – and by all of the real estate that NXIVM-related companies own in New York State (The estimated value of all those properties is $20 million).
• An ankle-monitor to ensure that the Feds can track Raniere’s exact location at all time – and a penis camera so that they’ll know if Keith has contact with any members of his branded harem of sex slaves while he’s out on bail.
• A 20-bedroom house, which will be located within ten miles of the Brooklyn courthouse – and which will house Raniere, his attorneys, his maid, his servant, his cook, his new hair stylist – and, wait for it, ten of the migrant children who arrived at the U.S./Mexico border as “unaccompanied minors” (The only restrictions on the migrant children are that they must be female, ages 12-15, not be more than 5’4” tall, weigh less than 105#, like to jog at least 30 miles per week, and not have big appetites).
• Instead of just two 24/7 armed guards, the house in which Raniere will be ensconced will now be surrounded by the entire New York State National Guard – which Governor Andrew Cuomo has agreed to assign for that purpose. In an unrelated piece of news, Governor Cuomo also announced that his re-election campaign had recently received a $10 million donation from a trust that was created by some unknown person and is headed up by some un-named lawyer.
Although he is reportedly quite confident that his new bail package will get approved, the always forward-thinking Raniere has also come up with a Plan B. That’s why he’s hired the esteemed law firm of O’Connell & Aronowitz in Albany, NY – and tasked three of the firm’s top attorneys – Steve Coffey, Pam Nichols and Mike McDermott – to start gathering bank records, medical records, and telephone records on Judge Nicholas G. Garaufis. Having performed that same task so many times for the NXIVM cult in the past – and missing those $100,000/month retainers – O’Connell & Aronowitz was happy to get the call from Keith.
So, even though Raniere has not been able to convince anyone that he should be allowed out of prison until he goes to trial, it looks like his brilliance and benevolence may allow him to succeed after all.
Viva Executive Success!