Guest View: Raniere’s New Bail Package Shows Vanguard’s Brilliance & Benevolence

I got this submission from a gentlemen who seems to know what he is talking about. 

By Herman Schmodamaker

(Brooklyn, NY)

Word out of the Metropolitan Detention Center (MDC) is that Keith Raniere, the incarcerated leader of the NXIVM sex-slaver cult, has hired one of the many “jailhouse lawyers” there to supplement his previous 5-member legal team. And with the help of this newest legal team member, Raniere has crafted a new bail package that he believes will answer all the questions and objections that the prosecutors in his case have raised about his prior bail proposals.

The new plan will include all the components that have previously been offered – and add some new components that Raniere believes will make it impossible for U.S. District Court Judge Nicholas G. Garaufis to turn down.

Based on the notes that were smuggled out of MDC by an enterprising guard who earns a little on the side for such services, the new bail package will include the following:

• A $20 million bail bond that is backed by Raniere’s personal pledge – and by all of the real estate that NXIVM-related companies own in New York State (The estimated value of all those properties is $20 million).

• An ankle-monitor to ensure that the Feds can track Raniere’s exact location at all time – and a penis camera so that they’ll know if Keith has contact with any members of his branded harem of sex slaves while he’s out on bail.

• A 20-bedroom house, which will be located within ten miles of the Brooklyn courthouse – and which will house Raniere, his attorneys, his maid, his servant, his cook, his new hair stylist – and, wait for it, ten of the migrant children who arrived at the U.S./Mexico border as “unaccompanied minors” (The only restrictions on the migrant children are that they must be female, ages 12-15, not be more than 5’4” tall, weigh less than 105#, like to jog at least 30 miles per week, and not have big appetites).

• Instead of just two 24/7 armed guards, the house in which Raniere will be ensconced will now be surrounded by the entire New York State National Guard – which Governor Andrew Cuomo has agreed to assign for that purpose. In an unrelated piece of news, Governor Cuomo also announced that his re-election campaign had recently received a $10 million donation from a trust that was created by some unknown person and is headed up by some un-named lawyer.

Although he is reportedly quite confident that his new bail package will get approved, the always forward-thinking Raniere has also come up with a Plan B. That’s why he’s hired the esteemed law firm of O’Connell & Aronowitz in Albany, NY – and tasked three of the firm’s top attorneys – Steve Coffey, Pam Nichols and Mike McDermott – to start gathering bank records, medical records, and telephone records on Judge Nicholas G. Garaufis.  Having performed that same task so many times for the NXIVM cult in the past – and missing those $100,000/month retainers – O’Connell & Aronowitz was happy to get the call from Keith.

So, even though Raniere has not been able to convince anyone that he should be allowed out of prison until he goes to trial, it looks like his brilliance and benevolence may allow him to succeed after all.

Viva Executive Success!

About the author

Frank Parlato


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  • Speaking of food deprivation? And the book on torture that was seized during the course of the FBI raid?

    Let’s see what these folks have to say on the matter (interesting that a person’s sex drive diminishes.)

    The experiments?

    Federal Policy for the Protection of Human Subjects

  • Quite entertaining… in all seriousness we should keep an eye on Cuomo, favors in New York politics are not unheard of

  • And that name , Herman Schmodamaker is obviously a fake name.
    Think about it readers…a person using a fake name and claiming to have info that is illegally obtained, and claiming to know things that are impossible for him to know, can’t be believed.

  • What? This sounds totally fake to me. If this is real , this guard who illegally “smuggled” this information out of the courtroom , and then illegally provided it for public publication, sure doesn’t value his job very much.

    And the attorneys named as engaging in illegal activities , such as trying to obtain personal records from this judge, could have grounds to sue for defamation of character.

      • What an idiot you are Shadowstate., (whoever you really are, who is not who you pretend to be.)
        Considering that you keep claiming Bens story must be real, you sound even more foolish after that last comment.

        Since when is making libelous public statements considered satire?

        • It must be difficult for you to enjoy life without a sense of humor.

          Did you ever notice how much Chelsea Clinton looks like Webster Hubbell?
          Chelsea looks more like Webb Hubbell than Bill Clintonl 😂😂😂😂

          • There you go making assumptions again, Shadow State. You made 2 there, in case you’re keeping track.
            Anyways, I don’t care if you think false and defamatory statements are “satire”, as your belief only goes to demonstrate the type of person you are.

            I wonder if the people falsely accused of illegal activities will think the accusations are satire and have themselves a good laugh over it?

  • Okay, they say we’re fan fiction? Fine. Here’s some fan fiction.

    Huma Abedin slipped her arm from under her husband’s, A. Weiner, and made her way to the open bar. The room was crowded with young Yale co-eds. This recruitment mixer promising to be a big success.

    “A Daiquiri, please,” she said pleasantly to the bartender.

    “The same,” Ben Szemkus said.

    Huma turned her head to regard the young man who had just appeared at her elbow. Was he a Yale student? Maybe, though he had a bit of a shaggy quality that didn’t seem to quite fit.

    When the drinks arrived, they stayed in place, next to each other, at the bar. Ben introduced himself without any corny lines, much to Huma’s relief. As they chatted, she was beginning to find Ben charming.

    “I just want to tell you something,” Ben said in a slightly more serious tone. Huma leaned in, a little concerned. “I think you’re really attractive.”

    A surprised smile broke out on Huma’s pale face. “Oh, why thank you,” she said with a blush. Then she chided herself. Why was she acting like such a little girl?

    “Do you want to go out on the deck for a smoke,” Ben said with a roguish leer.

    Just as Huma was about to answer, her husband, A. Weiner, ran over, his face full of alarm.
    “Hey buster! Get away from her! That’s my wife!”

    Huma gave him a quizzical look at being called his wife. They weren’t married. Sure A. Weiner had asked her out six years earlier, in 2001 but she never really responded to all his flirting attempts. There was something really weird about him. You know, in that Carlos Danger way.

    Ben, not one to step between a man and his woman, backed away like a gentleman.

    “Your wife?” Huma asked once the intriguing young man was gone.

    A sly smile broke out on A. Weiner’s face. “That’s the plan.”

    “Well let’s just wait until after the election before we go making any announcements,” Huma said with a wink.

  • If Frank Parlatto were proposed as the supervisory turnkey, then maybe a bail package might be approved.

  • Omg the poor person who would be monitoring the dick can .Although I’m sure it would be a part time job due to short nature of the work.

    • There’s a rumor going around that Scott Johnson has dibs on the dick camera. He’s going to be keeping a very close eye on Keith ‘s dick to ensure that Keith does not get frisky with any more innocent and defenseless melons.

  • Bahahahahaha, this is a joke, right?

    How an a governor explain the National Guard resources being used to protect the smelly one? Aint gonna happen.

    There is no way a Judge would grant VanSmartyPants around children, let alone females knowing his past record. Remember this guy is a danger to the community. The government would be in hot shot turning children over to him.

    Vandi-pants is going to personally back the 20 million, WHAT? He doesn’t own NXIVM nor the properties. This is exactly like Clare backing his first package. He doesn’t give a shot about those properties.

    Getting any kind of dirt on the Judge. Not past what Clare Bear would try to do, nor the criminal law firm that has helped them for many many years.

    If they arrest Nancy Salzman, its her holding company (or Clare Bare) who owns the stash he wants to put up. Major conflicts and the zjudge will see right through this mess.

    • It appears everything in this pilfered new bail package will convince the judge to let Keith bounce around the 20 bedroom house with his attorneys and the unaccompanied minors. Before minds turn negative, the penis cam will act as a final barrier. To be safe, they may want to include a tongue cam.

About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” In addition, he was credited in the Starz docuseries 'Seduced' for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premieres on May 22, 2022.

IMDb — Frank Parlato,_Jr.

Contact Frank with tips or for help.
Phone / Text: (305) 783-7083