Comic writes routine: Keith Raniere is a liar

It may not be very original routine, but a comic sent in his proposed comedy routine for his appearance at Vanguard Week.

***

For years, Keith Raniere told people he was an expert in computers when he was four-years-old and he would fix people’s laptops at their homes.

When the Frank Report pointed out that, when Mr. Raniere was four years old – it was 1964 – and there were no home computers, Vanguard had a good explanation for this discrepancy: He loves to lie.

***

In litigation news, a US District Court Judge quizzed Keith Raniere this week. And gave him a perfect score on the lying section. He’s a dirty liar.

***

More questions about Keith Raniere’s truthfulness: In an interview with the Times Union, Vanguard claimed he tied for the New York State record for the 100-yard dash and that he had an IQ “of over 350.”

When it was pointed out to him that these were not especially good lies, Mr. Raniere responded “I know I have a problem.” Then he added, “I invented teleconferencing in 1996.”

***

Clare Bronfman told IRS investigators that the $65 million she gave Keith Raniere was a “loan” to invest in commodities and even though “he lost every dime of it”, she made no effort to get him to pay her back.

When he was questioned, Keith Raniere at first said he had no recollection of the loan. Then he added he never even met Clare Bronfman.

***

Despite pressure, Toni Natalie and Barbara Bouchey are still refusing to testify to federal investigators about Keith Raniere’s money laundering schemes involving Mexican illegals. Some are charging that Vanguard has secretly promised them he would not sue them again in return for their silence.

Well, in a candid interview this week, Vanguard admitted that he might consider not suing them again, but only after he made “every effort to have them killed in a Mexican prison.”

***

This weekend, veteran reporter James Odato apologized to Keith Raniere for his stories where he called Vanguard a boring and uncreative liar.

Admitted Odato, “There was certainly nothing uncreative about the way you swindled the Bronfmans out of almost $200 million, raped a 12-year old girl, encouraged Gina Hutchinson to commit suicide, and told a series of women you were going to make babies with them because you loved them forever, then wound up suing them or trying to get them raped in a Mexican prison.”

***

This week in State Supreme Court, in arguments before Judge Holly Trexler, lawyers for Keith Raniere asked that the sexual harassment suit brought by several married women in his cult be delayed until after he left for the Fiji Islands.

According to Mr. Raniere’s attorney, “If Vanguard was hauled into court every time some nut accused him of sexual harassment, he’d have no time to have sex with the rest of the wives of the Society of Protectors.”

***

In a radio interview this week, Keith Raniere scoffed at conspiracy nuts, as he called them, who are obsessed with lambasting his men’s group “the Society of Protectors” for allowing their wives to be branded on their pubic area with Keith Raniere’s initials.

Mr. Raniere compared his critics to nut groups fascinated by UFOs and the Hail Bob Comet. Although he did concede one point of similarity between the member of Heaven’s Gate and the Society of Protectors: They both have 39 members who were castrated.

***

As new questions arise about Allison Mack’s role in DOS, the secretive women’s slave-master group that includes hot-iron branding and blackmail, Vanguard appears to be distancing himself from Miss Mack.

Earlier today Vanguard insisted “Hey I sleep with 100s of girls. I can’t vouch for all of them.”

Frank Parlato