About 10 days ago, Jessica Becker said she was not Swami Chetanananda’s victim anymore. He was her guru again.
Jessica lived at the Portland Movement Center and left in the fall of 2019 when the Movement Center closed.
She says she was not invited to Gold Beach because of a drug deal gone bad. She said the Swami asked her to procure some illegal drugs for him, and she came back short several pills.
Jessica Becker at the Movement Center
Because of this, he cut her off from sex with him and tossed her out of the center.
In the interest of fair reporting, I am obligated to report her change of heart.
Jessica was the first person I spoke to about Chetanananda. She called me in the spring of this year and gave me hours of on-the-record interviews.
Jessica Becker at the Portland Movement Center.
She spoke about how Swami Chetanananda was into drugs and BDSM and got aroused by strangling her to unconsciousness.
She spoke about the other women he had BDSM relationships with, and about his fabulous wealth.
The Movement Center, Oregon
At the time, she felt abused by him, since he was the spiritual leader of the community she lived in. She had come there to heal herself of alcohol abuse, and blamed him for plying her with drugs.
She spent much time describing how Swami and her BDSM and binge drug usage could not be a consensual relationship because of the power imbalance.
She sent photos of herself at the ashram. I am including one she asked me to publish. She said she was bruised by the Swami, who had bitten her, as I recall on the thigh (or maybe it was the breast).
She claims it is visible in the photo.
Now Jessica is recanting.
Jessica Becker wrote on September 10:
Hi all. I just wanted to let everyone know – including Ruth – that I have not commented at all on any of the articles since you saw my name.
I stopped all contact and fighting over this issue, because it caused me and others harm.
To be transparent, I ended up using hard drugs for two days straight, after drinking copious amounts of booze while I was involved with this campaign.
I was not coerced into anything I did with Swami Chetanananda.
I am a little too curious of a person, and I suffer from arrogance, which led me to flirt with him on my own, and then get into a consensual sexual relationship with him.
I do not know why I decided to turn on him, or the lineage of this practice that has literally saved my life. This includes Swami Chetanananda. I do not think it matters.
The thing that matters now is to move forward. I do my practice, and listen to those who have 
percent helped me and have never been wrong with any advice.
I really do not care what he or anyone else thinks of me, but I am forever grateful that he opened the door to a practice that has done so much for me. He is too intense for me sexually, and I feel a bit foolish that I consensually bit off more than I could chew because of my arrogance and curiosity, but that is all.
I do not feel he did anything wrong, and between the risk he took on me and my strength, he actually helped me more than I can say in words.
I wish everyone well. Thanks
And in a comment today, Jessica added:
Just to be clear, I am no longer involved in this campaign. I lied about being a victim of Swamiji’s, because I was enraged that I was uninvited to Gold Beach. This was because of my own actions. I simply would not face it.
I can’t ever make up for the harm I caused from this, but I will make it clear to people that I am not okay with any smear sampling against my spiritual teachers.
I wish everyone well, and I wish everyone a healthy week. Xoxo
In the past, Jessica had a different story.
Back on July 13, she posted a list of law enforcement and counselors for victims of the Swami to contact.
On July 8, Jessica wrote:
I was also one of his flying monkeys [against] Natasha.
Under his spell, I was cruel, and publicly victim-blamed her, shamed her, and even sent an email that said horrid things designed to trigger her.
I want to say how much I regret these things, and I will forever be sorry. The best thing I can do is stand up for women always, and to help in this case, and in others like this.
Cults and high control groups. They are everywhere and have harmed so many people, especially women. While I can’t ever make up for what I did to Natasha, I can do my best from now on.”
On many occasions, she wrote this one-line comment in her name:
“I got out. You can get out. You are not alone.”
Apparently Jessica did not get out. Perhaps she is not alone either. Maybe Chetanananda has let her in at Gold Beach. Perhaps he will allow her to buy drugs for him and strangle her until she passes out and he gets an erection.
Gold Beach Hermitage
Or was she lying about all that?
Maybe. But others said they experienced the same thing.
Still, Chetanananda may emerge victorious. He may escape punishment for the women he seems to have hurt.
He seems to have picked the women well. Picked the kind that won’t fight back. Picked the kind he can intimidate and bully into silence forever.
Most of them are unwilling to speak. Some told me personally they are terrified of him – his black magic; Sharon Ward’s legal acumen.
Now the first person to claim victimhood to me reversed herself, and says the wild sex and drugs were entirely consensual. Even the strangling.
Maybe a little too wild for her tastes, she now realizes, but she invited it. Maybe that’s true of the others.
Just women scorned. Fair enough. Let’s see where it goes from here.
Poor lady. God bless her.
“Jessica is DTF!”
-Scott Johnson
[…] Her story: Jessica Makes 100% Reversal; She ‘Lied’ About Swami Being Evil. […]
We got out Jessica. You can too.
OMG. Someone wax her upper lip.
Portlandia is a good show
Frank, you recently published the article titled “Swami’s Black Magic to Control, Hurt, Maybe Kill”, and now you’re surprised one of the victims recanted? I mean, it was interesting history, but I don’t think it benefited your agenda. In actuality, it seems clear cut to me: that article was free cult PR to scare people shitless.. sorry to be the one to point it out. Perhaps it’d be better to curate articles more strategically?
For :Peaches,
Learn to spell.
Lier? Really?
I often misspelled “there” as “their” or vice versa.
What helps us is having someone perfect to correct us when we make a mistake with hopefully a condescending voice to correct our feebleness.
And it’s easy to tell who that condescending anonymous person with all the fake names is
I don’t « Jessica » is reading these posts. If you are Jessica.
Understand that this is a blog and no one understands what exactly you are going through unless you explain.
Whatever is going on, it seems like you are suffering and no one wants that for you. If they do, that’s just scary and twisted.
The way I see it you are absolutely reaching out for help on some level.
People take drugs and other inebriates to mask pain. Prob is, then that becomes a problem.
Girl, you don’t have to show your la Las like this.
Just go deep inside and focus on peace.
Don’t give up.
Go to AA or NA online if you can’t get to a meeting in person.
Get, stay sober.
Walk in the sunlight of the spirit.
Don’t make any person or thing your higher power.
Just relax and find hope and strength.
Well, she’s either cut a deal directly through Sharon whose given her a statement, (the grand almighty abuser from Hell won’t want to get himself dirty, again) and got some money for her drug addiction (sadly).
Or she’s so lost that he’s been able to manipulate her again psychically (ya, ya, I know all you FR-ers think we’re nuts). Either way, her desperate desire to be “welcomed back” is clearly her numero uno desire in all this, and they’ll be dangling that carrot making her dance.
Jessica always admitted she went along with the BDSM and drugs. She said what he did was a breach of duty of care and abuse of power, and it was then and still is. That he touched her in any way goes to show what a disgusting craven fat pig he is, and just how low he’s sunk.
You–J Michael Shoemaker–have become a human steaming pile of shit, smearing yourself over anyone who has the great misfortune of coming into your presence, turning everything you touch to shit. Nothing is gonna wash away your stench. Next time you wanna “go wild” with a prostitute make sure she doesn’t live with you lol. That’s what “pay to go away” means, dipshit. You’re a sad low-life loser.
The only thing this does show, however, is the immense pressure on anyone who stands up publicly against this demon of a man and his evil carrion-feeding vermin. Jessica. Get help. You will not find it with these self-serving jackals.
Women and men who have been victims of abuse know how dangerous it is to speak out against their abuser. Especialy if the abuser is a rich, powerful traumatizing narcissist, like J. Michael Shoemaker. The damaging impacts of criminal, toxic, abusive people in leadership positions, are often know for years before they are held to account. That can only happen when the sheer volume of complaints about the abusive individual are impossible to silence any longer. Think Keith Rainere, Jeffery Epstein, Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Jim Jones or David Koresh among others. Frank, how long did it take to bring Keith Rainere to justice? Sometimes it takes movie stars, think Nxivm, Olympic gold medal winners, think Larry Nassar or a Congressional vist to an isolated compound, think Jim Jones to cause justice to rain down on abuse. Don’t stop telling your experiences to Frank, bring to light what you saw, what you heard, what you experienced. There are 50 years of abuse to expose. Please bring forward what has been hidden. Do the early members who left have more to tell?
I wrote to Steve Ott who calls himself Swami Khecaranatha. He runs a spritual center, Heart of Consciousness,
“based” on Rudi’s teachings. Here is what I wrote and what I got back as an answer.
Swami Khecaranatha is associated with J. Michael Shoemaker. Shoemaker calls himself Swami Chetanananda. I found this post from a former member of Shoemaker’s group in Portland, Org. That group is called the Movement Center. The post was put up on Dec. 21, 2021 on a public page.
This is part of what was publically posted about a “student’s” experience of exposing her abuse that I sent to Steve Ott:
I know I have gone back and forth on sharing about this matter – and yet it is just a reflection of the intense state of self-doubt and insecurity that that man’s mental games with me have brought me to.
The trust that a true spiritual aspirant places upon a teacher is sacred, and it is my saddest and most painful experience that Swami holds no respect or appreciation for that extremely vulnerable aspect of his students.
This is answer I got back. ( basically: See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil….stay hidden and quiet, maybe the monster will go away).
Swami Khecaranatha is NOT associated with Swami Chetanananda. Khecaranatha broke with him about 20 years ago. Although there may indeed be merit to the issues listed below, please understand that we do not condone any misuse of power, spiritual or otherwise.
(and I might add, we certainly aren’t going to step forward and call out what we know and why we “broke” with Shoemaker 20 years ago!)
To any reasonable observer half of the people in Portland are in a cult.
Keep Portland Weird!
Weirdos Go Shopping | Portlandia
Oh how sad. I probably have more reason to be angry with her than anyone on here besides SC and take no pleasure in her being depicted in this way. I believe she’s a legit split personality. Three distinct. One identifies a villain, another a victim and the last a hero. In truth Jessica instigated EVERY shit bomb lobbed at him since the end of the Ashram. From the suit on Evas behalf, to contacting guru hunters, dropping the hot tip for Silly Week, dumping her guru while still living with him to become a devotee of his Australian clone and rival and sharing all the dirt, according to her talking to police, social workers and am I to read this correctly it was her who contacted Frank? I thought it was Jayne? For many of those things she is a hero for survivors. She’s also served as a groomer and was actively attempting to groom me for him while she was lying about doing all the above mentioned things. Instead telling me she was “fighting” all these people coming down on him. She was “saving” him. This almost feels like a type of Munchausens by Proxy honestly. Setting people up to be absolutely savaged and then trying to swoop in at the last moment “to save them”. Might have developed that losing her Mom she couldn’t save. Just a theory, not a Dr. She talked him up to me while she was working hard behind the scenes to take him down and knew the damage he had caused to women. Had I ever endured what the survivors have come forward with, it would have been the absolute end of me given my history. She knew that and didn’t care. She’s a gaslighter and a gold medal Olympic gymnast of mind fuckery. Her stories changed on the daily so it was only after my person was hurt and through all the other accounts since the Frank report have I been able to sift the gold nuggets of truth from her dump trucks of fabrication. She’s everyone’s villain in that way, both for him and victims. She doesn’t totally belong to any one group and they all resent her. Is she a victim? Absolutely. Having sex with and feeding drugs to someone so obviously broken who has most certainly in her time been diagnosed with a myriad of mental health labels is horrific. She had literally just come out of rehab. Akin to picking up one night stands a Special Olympics after party. She once told me, “Why should he ever be afraid of me, I’m not credible”. She knew. So, instead she used credible victims as human shields to fire her bombs from behind. She is a perfect victim in her way. Who is going to believe a mentally ill, personality disordered, self loathing former sex worker with such a poor relationship with truth and sanity? Absolutely, she’s a victim. Whether she sought his attentions out or not, he should have known better. I don’t like seeing her like this. I want to step into that photo and cover her up with a blanket because I have a soul. She’s been exploited enough in her life. She was my worst tormentor at the Ashram, using me as human bait for her bunny boiling obsession with that man, high jacking whatever healing or peace I desperately needed in coming there. Stalked me immediately upon my arrival and found a way to trauma bond with me as she claimed a parental suicide which we have in common. I don’t even know if that is true. Energy vampire, human tornado, chaos junkie. Charming as all get out and an absolute laugh riot at her best. Terrible friend to women, herself and vicious, calculating, ruthless, betrayal queen of the highest order at her worst. She also found in him for the only time in her life her equal to the worst parts of herself. And yet I take no pleasure whatsoever in seeing her depicted in this way. It’s beyond sad. Underneath all that carnage is a brilliant mind that could be used for such good, yet its not. Quite the opposite. Jessica, please go home to your family you claim and get into at least a 6 month mental/addiction rehab. Quit using your womb as a massive grave site for unholy men. Go back to school and leave all this behind you. I don’t like your behaviors, but I do love you and I want to see you escape the hell hole you have dug for yourself. What a triumphant and epic story THAT would make, my dear. Your statement does contain partial truth, so thank you for that. I know the part that’s true, I know what part are lies. If I had said anything on here I would have been attacked for “attacking victims”. Well thine enemy of my enemy is not in fact my friend. I don’t play that. I’ve also watched everything I’ve worked so hard for in the last decade be taken out by “victims” like Jessica. Case in point, Amber Heard. I knew this was coming from the second she popped up on these strings and just had to endure the insult of it all until she finally “kind of” came clean. Yes, her “true account” was loaded with lies and insult to injury was my photo featured on it. I do NOT deserve that. I’m the Jiminy Cricket to her Pinnochio. I’m the journalist and 40 year sexual assault survivor and almost broke myself advocating for them before being invited to this supposed “healing oasis” as the very last student . How is that for the biggest mind f and betrayal ever? This is my worst nightmare. Please don’t bother to respond to this JB, I’m done here and won’t read it. It’s long overdue as Frank said for the countless people out there watching the brave few getting slaughtered in this battle to pick up your own damn swords. Good lord, one would think in these times, at the precipice of possible nuclear war you might all be considering just a little what your ACTUAL contribution to humanity will actually be. I guess many of you are just here for the food. I had NOTHING to gain in any of this but more trauma and in fact lost someone I held dearest only next to my children to “do the right thing”. Sometimes as it seems a victim is just an covert villain, at least in this ever worsening horror novel. I’m done. Also, don’t shit yourselves, with your snarky prostitute comments. I was treated incredibly well as it happens by these folks and would still be welcomed with open arms if I hadn’t stood for one of the last victims. I’m just not willing to compromise my soul or my life path because the abuser happened to “be good to me”. Now THAT would make me the worst kind of prostitute and hypocrite of all. (Sword drop)
I don’t know why this comment has been held back by Frank for over a week and it’s an indictment on the credibility of this blog if he picks and chooses what he publishes and when to make more or less impact.
I don’t know if you’ll come back to your comment or not. But everything you’ve said is spot on. It’s clear you care very deeply about the incredible betrayal of not only his sexual victims, but of everyone who put their hearts and souls on the line for this man and the belief that he represented a possibility bigger than that which we could achieve by ourselves.
I’m one of his victims and I’ve commented anonymously on this blog several times. Sometimes the absolute pain and grief comes across as hostility towards those on the same side of this thing–from all directions. The Jessica problem makes things even worse, but like you said, her “issues” meant she matches him in ways no one else can. Two badly broken sexual and emotional deviants battling it out on the Dark Side.
I have to say, it makes me very happy to know she slithered her way over to Shanks. He would be salivating over the gossip. It will entertain him for years. Kruckman’s pathetic little life and non-existent spiritual power always triggered intense jealousy and rivalry when it came to Chet. Shanks is a sad little man who better watch out because Becker would eat him alive while still wriggling.
This whole blog exposure is traumatizing. I wonder every day whether I should come back to read it. But I know in my heart that exposure is the one and only thing that can stop him. So I try to contribute in ways I can while I still work through the carnage he left inside my soul which feels like it will never heal.
I never knew you, I left many years ago. But I would have liked to. Take care.
What a “fishy” turnaround by JB. So, she made the whole thing up to start with? She is nuts. Not worth even considering this ridiculous “flip flop”. Regardless of what anyone says at this point, Swami Chetanananda’s name is mud. It was mud before all of this, and it is mud now. Frank–I think this entire story is losing steam. Is it time to just move on? Let him and his remaining followers live with his choices. Let the rest of us get on with our lives too.
I’m one of those who thought Jessica’s relationship with Chet seemed consensual. Unethical on his part, yes, especially the part about giving drugs to an addict, but then again, it’s not like he was advertising the ashram as a drug rehab or halfway house, was he?
I don’t know if she has been in contact with current ashram members and that’s why she is changing her mind about being a victim. (I never thought she was a victim in a legal sense, but I’m open to being wrong about that.) It also occurred to me after reading those early posts that she could have just been trashing swami and other as revenge for being left behind when they moved to Gold Beach.
HOWEVER maybe this is an example of why it might be better if the ex cult members coming forward actually do STAY ANONYMOUS so it’s not so easy for them to get tracked down and potentially manipulated by the existing cult members. Idk. Just a thought.
Of course, it seems that Jessica Becker was eager to run down to Gold Beach to see everyone, so it probably doesn’t matter if she stayed anonymous or not.
Nobody is perfect. Clearly, Jessica isn’t perfect. And unfortunately, she’s proved herself unreliable and we can’t believe anything she says at this point.
Personally, I wish her well and hope she can get sober.
I can’t disagree with you more about anonymity, but I will say I agree with you about the grey area of consent and this is valid. I really hope it doesn’t kill this story.
Why? It’s not a simple answer, it’s complex, and I’m afraid this isn’t what society wants to hear. It strikes at the heart of power imbalance relationships, addictions, mental health, cons, domestic violence, coercive control and sexual (cross sex) conflicts.
However, I need to absolutely clarify, the ashram was sold as a safe space for people with addiction struggles and other issues in life, and I even knew this when i didn’t know the guru was pushing how much actual drugs there! Many who came through, including Jessica, came from addiction and were recommended this place as a kind of halfway house. This includes people chewed up and spat out, and god knows where they are now. The guru sells himself as a healer (even on LinkedIn) and constantly refers to the ashram as a kind of hospital for “mangled” people with “heavy karmas.”
It was even discussed among members that only people with heavy problems would seek to be close to the intensity of the Guru to heal them, in a kind of “allopathic” sense. I really did not know how allopathic it was!
I myself therefore distanced myself from the Guru because there was a clear kind of double bind/double standard that frightened me. Only really broken persons wanted to be closer to him, yet they got praise and preferential treatment for it? People came in, but they ended up crazier, but it was their fault? But the guru is supposed to be a Kundalini master and healer just with the barest touch? It was extremely confusing to be in that collective narrative so full of obvious dissonance.
I hope you and others can understand better. I understand we have our differences. I don’t mind such arguments, actually just FYI.
Ruth wrote: “but I will say I agree with you about the grey area of consent and this is valid. I really hope it doesn’t kill this story.”
I hope not, too. Although if she is just saying she lied about consent and not about what actually happened…I agree that (consent) is a very gray area. It’s not unusual for an actual victim to struggle with feeling responsible for what happened. I totally believe someone can think they weren’t raped for years (even when they clearly did not want or enjoy the situation) because they blamed themselves for getting into the situation to begin with etc. So yeah, gray area.
” the ashram was sold as a safe space for people with addiction struggles and other issues in life”
Ooh, yeah, that’s really bad. I saw Frank’s new post where he said that reportedly the Betty Ford Center recommended the ashram to Jessica as a safe place to continue her sobriety. ??? If true, that is seriously tragic.
With all sincerity why do people join ashrams? Not trying to be cute, just don’t really understand.
It would be interesting to hear what ashram members have to say about that.
I once knew a woman who worked in banking that went off to an ashram in India for a few months following a divorce. I got the feeling she just wanted to get away from it all for a while. She came back to her real life after that though.
Here’s a good video on it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kB-dJaCXAxA
These people are nuts.
Yeah.
I thought it was a place of yoga and prayer. It’s a fucking nut house of horrors (or whorers)
These people are Portlanders from Portlandia.
Feminist Car Wash | Portlandia
These people are not nuts.
They are citizens of Portlandia.
Colin the Chicken | Portlandia
Still a prostitute.
Just go away.
She must have been on a bipolar high when her courage led her to the Frank Report. A question, for this new, non-victom, once victim, turned 100% lier. Where did your courage go? Up your nose? Do you have a conscience? Will you die a coward and a lier?
[…] Jessica, be safe, stay safe, find a safe place to recover for a while. […]
Jessica Becker is wearing gigantic glasses in the picture. They’d go well with a horse you could put them on.
Not attractive.
This doesn’t really prove much of anything we didn’t already know. It’s clear she was a loose cannon from the get-go. Even in her “recanting” all she’s doing is confirming that Swami Sleazebag-ananda is into extreme hard-core BDSM and drugs with his female students who are very clearly incapable of handling it. To me, this is so wildly abusive.
If Becker—who claimed her history was as a sex worker, and a hard-core sex-worker at that, said he’s too extreme for even her, then what about his other female students? The fact that he’s having a sexual relationship of any kind with someone who is so severely damaged as Jessica Becker, or Eva, or Natasha–resulting in disaster after disaster shows only what a selfish and abusive prick he is, and how he’s spent a lifetime abusing his position as mentor and leader of a spiritual community.
Jessica, I feel very sorry for you. You sound like some hybrid of Monica, Sharon and Shoemaker right now. I really hope you can figure your shit out and get proper professional help.
On the other hand, I guess you’ll always be the one who brought this story to Frank, so forgiveness for you from that community is never going to happen. Not ever. Whatever they’re telling you now is a self-serving manipulation. He does not forgive. Good luck to you. You’re going to need it and much more.
A sad Pathetic person.
Gold Beach with Shoemaker is your perfect place. You two belong together in hell.
A match made in heaven: he hates women, she hates herself.
No she is NOT the one who brought the story to Frank. NO she is NOT
Then who did? You???
Frank was contacted by Jayne Lyon, whose daughter was seriously injured and abused by Shoemaker. Despite death treats and ridicule, Jayne has worked tirelessly every single day since then to expose Shoemaker and his cronies on behalf of all of us who are victims of Shoemaker.
Jessica basically used the forum for her own personal purposes.
Death treats? Sadhvi been sending you Scoobie Snacks?
She’s not saying those things didn’t happen, she’s only saying they were consensual and that she prompted and flirted with him. Sex, coke, choke, other kinks, etc… she was down for all of it and because he’s an egomaniac, coke and kink addict, he played. Is that how you help your students Chet?
It doesn’t make it right though…. He knew she was coming there from rehab and should have never encouraged her to do coke, or score for him. This still makes him an a-hole. The fact that she’s now owning her participation doesn’t absolve him.
Asshole, yes. Criminal? (Besides illegal drug use) ehh I don’t see it.
EXCUSE ME. Is rape against the law?
Jessica said it was all consensual. What am I missing?
WTF
Oh ok I see you’re only referring to Jessica Becker’s yarn.
I was thinking of the other victims.
Alonzo believe Rape is okay!
Hey you. Come here a minute. I said come here. Look, kid, I want to give you a present. Here’s a nice new email address. Suppose you go back to your email and send an email. The email is NiceGuy666@hotman.com
Ask for Guy. The first name is Nice. Tough, aren’t you? Take the advice. Take it and call him. He wants you to. Nice Guy’s in love with you. Always has been. Don’t ask me why. I couldn’t even guess. Now beat it. NiceGuy666@hotman. I told you.
I just swallowed my 🤢 vomit.
Dear Swami,
You are a lame pretending to be creepy guru.
While we don’t know exactly what happened with Jessica, you haven’t yet escaped the reality that you are seriously disgusting looking.
You look like a desperate slob. Yeah YOU! Your eyes can’t hide how icky you are. You just look evil and super slimy. I can’t stand how gross 🤮 you look man. You are greasy.
Take a shower, clean up your act. Only a desperate druggy like Jessica or a lost soul would breath the same air as you. Just give it up! Get a job as a taxidermist or a cemetery. Anything that keeps you away from live people.
You look like a walking armpit with fleas.
You say that this cult helped you 100%? Why then, are you so messed up? Who, that is so saved would start all this trouble? Why would you send all these sleazy photos of yourself to be published? What would you be like if they didn’t save you?
Obviously you are being coerced by a swami cocktail consisting of bad swami breath, influence and inebriates.
Pull up your pants lady, screw back on your head and stand up for the next victim since you won’t stand up for your self!!!
What’s sad is the only thing that stays in my mind, after reading this article, is a grotesque image of a haggard woman with her legs open.
And in between is a long loose vagina.
BDSM involved a lot of stretching.
I bet Nice Guy awards you Comedy Gold 📀
The best thing about meat curtains is you can go balls deep.
Or wear like an oxygen mask like Scott Johnson.
Makes the tiniest man feel great about himself.
It makes me feel good about myself!
BDSM babe for sure
Jessica is a victim of cult mind control and of cultic abuse (like she says below, cultic abuse is 1,000 times worse than domestic abuse). Jessica was abused not only by Shoemaker but by the entire cult. They used lies, gaslighting, threats and maybe withholding things she wanted or needed; to control her. She has gone back and forth about her allegiance to Shoemaker and the cult before. Other cultic abuse victims and domestic abuse victims do the same thing. It is so hard for the victim of cultic abuse to leave the cult. Ruth stayed 8 years, I believe Pinky stayed for a while after her rape, Natacha stayed, my daughter stayed also after she was harmed. How long did India Oxenberg or Sarah Edmonson stay in Nxivm? It often takes many attempts to leave a cult, to leave a traumatizing narcissit. A cult member may be physically out but mentally in, or mentally in and physically out. Hopping from cult to cult is also a common reaction to leaving a high control, high demand group.
Perhaps Jessica is being threatened. The ex-members who wrote the “Leaving Nityananda” letter documented that some of them were threatened. I have been threatened.
There is also post-cult PTSD which can last for years without treatment. https://www.dallascult.com/post-culttraumansyndrome/
Here are two communications from Jessica to me and to the private investigator I hired to help me. The interchanges give you, the reader a taste for how difficult and confusing the situation was for all involved. The Movement Center was an evil, dysfunctional place where people were harmed under the leadership of Shoemaker and his inner circle.
Chat Conversation Started
Jessica Becker
Also member of Pantsuit Nation
Lives in Portland, Oregon
MAY 24, 2019, 10:34 PM
Hi Jayne, this is Jessica from the ashram, please hide that handwritten information that I gave you because jen knows my handwriting well… please let me know that you got this.
Thank you
MAY 25, 2019, 7:13 AM (from Jayne)
Yes, it is safe. I will copy it in my writing and keep yours hidden. No one has come to see us except you.
Would you share what you told m e with my daughter? When I brought up the guru she said she felt like throwing up.
I am very confused.
MAY 25, 2019, 8:26 AM (from Jessica)
I stayed at my husband’s last night. I will gladly share my experience with xxxxxx once I get moved out Jayne
How soon do you move out? I am here until May 31 . I am worried about her safety. (from Jayne)
(from Jessica)
I move ASAP
Beginning of June
(from Jayne)I understand
Thank you for your help and support.
MAY 25, 2019, 2:31 PM
(from Jessica)
You are welcome Jayne
Hi Jessica, my brother is an attorney and he has prosecuted many abuse cases in xxxxxxxxx. Would you be willing to share your experience with him and what you witnessed and what your suspicions are? He could talk to you next week. I am not sharing your name. (from Jayne)
MAY 25, 2019, 9:39 PM
Hi Jessica, are you at TMC? I have some updates. It is about 7:30pm and xxxxx will be asleep soon. Let me know if and when you are available. Thanks (from Jayne)
MAY 26, 2019, 1:03 AM (from Jessica)
Hi Jayne, what is your brother’s name and what type of attorney is he? How is xxxxx?
MAY 26, 2019, 8:20 AM (from Jayne)
My brother ‘s name is xxxxxxxxx xxxxx. He is a lawyer from xxxxxxx. However he is also the xxxxxxxxxxx attorney. He has been working in that capacity for decades. In that role he prosecutes men (mostly) who hurt women. Monthly he prosecutes men who don’t pay child support . He prosecutes men who are domestic abusers when cases arise. He helped set up the domestic abuse shelter in my home town. He is a good guy. The reason I would like you to talk to him is to give him some background on what is going on here so he can offer me better guidance on how to help xxxxxx. I don’t feel it is safe for xxxxxx to stay here when I am not with her. My brother may determine the same thing especially if he talks to you. Having two family members talking to xxxxxx about leaving could help her make a decision that could save her life. I believe she has been indoctrinated and can’t see that this environment is dysfunctional and damaging to her. I am in touch with Natasha and I can share her emails with you. I have not mentioned your name to her. She suggested I talk to Sadvh. I found that odd and of concern. Is Natasha still under the sway of the Swami? xxxxxx is still physically weak and hurting. She has headaches daily. She can’t bend down with out getting dizzy. She has pain on her right side and can’t lift or carry things. Thanks for your help, stay safe.
I just got a very moving email from Natasha about her experience here. She says she was in a trance when she jumped off the bridge. She said her decision to leave was life affirming. What a place this is!
(from Jessica)
MAY 26, 2019, 10:45 AM
Oh good about Natasha sending you a nice email…I have no idea if she and Swami are in touch..I had heard third hand from someone that they talk daily and text frequently… but that is third hand information.. the consensus amongst most people here is that Swami is the only thing that is keeping and kept Natasha alive because she is mentally ill and/or possessed… that includes sadvhi
I believe that sadvhi would just attempt to get xxxxxx out of the center quickly if you spoke to her
If you say to her that you believe that Swami hurt her
(from Jayne)
She would want her gone as fast as possible
So maybe that is the reason why Natasha said that
So maybe that is a wise idea
Seeing the email from Natasha gives more understanding of where she is now. Too many rumors and half truths!
(from Jessica)
Exactly
That is why I told you to talk to her
She knows SO much more than I do
I have only been here for two years, and I HAVE never been part of his inner circle
She was with him and his inner circle for MANY years
(from Jayne)
She has been covering up his abuse!
Attended all of his pujas, lunches, dinners etc
(from Jessica)
No Jayne
She attempted to out him
But myself and others
Wimped on her verbally
You must try and understand how conplex and difficult any domestic abuse pattern is
And then times this
By 1000
It’s not at all cut and dry
So Natasha tried
And she is also attempting to recover
Go easy on her and anyone who is suffering
It’s VERY complex
(from Jayne)
Sadvi I told me TMC is not liable for any damage caused to xxxxxx. Cover up!
(from Jessica)
Oh yes
Sadvhi
I thought you meant Natasha
And I would not take anything sadvhi says ( especially legally) to heart
She is one massive defense mechanism
Has been covering up for him for YEARS
Uses very sophisticated manipulative techniques verbally, and through body language to cover up
She is very skilled and willing to take a bullet for Swami
(from Jayne)
I want my daughter to be safe. It would be better for her to leave this damaging and dysfunctional environment as soon as she can make the decision to go. If the leadership would “kick her out” I would jump for joy!
(from Jessica)
As are many of these people
I bet then if you make it clear to sadvhi that you believe that Swami is abusing your daughter
She may just insist that she leaves
She doesn’t want anyone here making waves
So that actually may be a good way
As long as you take her with you
I would ask Natasha
If she thinks that sadvhi would just want xxxxx gone if you bring in words like abuse
Natasha is smart
And as I said
She knows these people and their ways WAY better than me
I’m glad that you are in touch with her
And I appreciate you keeping my name out of this
For now
(from Jayne)
Natasha said that speaking ill about the guru just threatens people here.
(from Jessica)
Yup
(from Jayne)
I am respecting your privacy.
(from Jessica)
Do if you tell sadvhi that you think he abused your daughter physically and or sexually, maybe sadvhi will get xxxxxxx the fuck out of the ashram
So*
But ask Natasha
If that would work
She will know
(from Jayne)
I can’t “convince “ my daughter to leave she needs to make that choice or my help is worthless.
(from Jessica)
Yes
But if sadvhi tells her she can’t stay
Then she can’t stay
That is why I said that you should ask Natasha
(from Jayne)
That would be a blessing!
(from Jessica)
Yup
I have a feeling Natasha would agree that if you make a lot of noise and say words like “sexual abuse”, “abuse”, “criminal neglegance”in the context of Swami and his relationship with your daughter, that would get her thrown out immediately
And you can take her with you may 31
(from Jayne)
Great and If my sex crime prosecuting brother back me up it might just work!
(from Jessica)
Exactly
Talk to him and talk to Natasha
(from Jayne)
I am taking steps with my brother’s help.
MAY 26, 2019, 10:44 PM
Jessica missed your call.
May 26, 2019 at 10:44 PM
________________________________________
Call Again
I am at my husband’s
0:26
We spend Sundays together
What’s up?
What puja?
The queen of great bliss?
That is great.
(from Jayne)
xxxxxx is spending her first night alone. I am afraid for her. Will she be hurt again?
(from Jessica)
Well first of all, I don’t know if you can control her.. also, we still don’t know what happened… so i would attempt to stay calm if I were you.. you may just want to come check on her in the early morning hours( like between 2-5)… I highly doubt that anyone is going to be doing anything with xxxxxxx now… with you in town, with the puja.. the queen of great bliss puja is a lovely puja that is about prosperity and blessings and Swami Prakashsnanda and the Tibetan llama lead it
Our spiritual ceremonies have nothing to do with abuse or sex
I’m sorry that this is such a difficult
For you
Memo from the private investigator
xxxxxxxxxx Legal Investigator
xxxxxxxxxx – PSID xxxxxxx TEL: xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxx@legal-investigations.com FAX xxxxxxxxxx
M E M O R A N D U M
TO: Jayne Lyons
FROM: xxxxxxxxxxx
DATE: August 1, 2019
RE: xxxxxxxxxx Matter
__________________________________________________________________
Jessica Becker
(561) 290-9580
This is not going to be my normal memo. I do not believe I have ever written a memo and included any personal information on myself. However, I want to do it this way so everything is out in the open and so you understand what I did and why it was done this way.
One of the main people you wanted me to contact is Jessica Becker. As you know, I tried to identify Jessica’s husband, but was unable to do so. I also have not been able to truly identify her at this point and basically chasing my tail around trying to do so.
Because of having problems even identifying Jessica, I decided to call her telephone number this morning and asked if she would sit down in person and speak with me. Honestly, I don’t see the difference between knocking on her door and calling her to make an appointment to speak with her. Either she is going to talk with me or not. I do not deal with cases like this on a regular basis, but I deal with witnesses every day. Either a witness will talk or they won’t.
I called Jessica this morning at the telephone number listed above. I received a generic voicemail and left her a message. I simply stated my name, that I am a private investigator in the Portland area and asked her to return my call.
Jessica returned my call about 30 minutes later.
She was very pleasant when I answered the phone and asked what this was regarding. All I got out was this is a situation involving xxxxxx and mentioned The Movement Center. At this point her attitude totally changed and she went off on me. She told me two things. 1. She does not know where I got her number from. 2. If I contact her again she will call the cops.
At this point she hung up the phone.
Just a few minutes later I started getting texts from her telephone number. I received a total of three texts from her. I will paste these texts below. I did not answer her texts and I do not plan to do so.
I don’t know if you got my phone number from xxxxxxx or her mother, but just a little bit of information about that..xxxxxxx mother harassed me on three separate occasions. The first time it was in our upstairs dish area, where I specifically told her that I did not have any interest or information.. she then later showed up at my bedroom door, which means she must have watched where I went after the first time she harassed me.. she pushed her way into my room as soon as I opened iit( at that time I would answer my door without asking who it is because I know my community members and trust them all implicitly), the second time my door was not locked, and I was doing my puja( a sacred ceremony) when she cane all the way in, ranting about her daughter.. I had to literally back her out the four, whole she stayed with us.. she smelled heavily of alcohol and seemed very out of her mind. the third time, was late at night, when I came out to the dish area to get a snack. She made an anti Semitic remark and made a verbal threat to commit an act violence to our teacher . I am Jewish, and a human, so as you can imagine, this was upsetting to me to say the least..I don’t know how she got my phone number, but my best guess is that the second time she barged in to my room she either saw my business cards on my desk, or she took it from some time at dinner when I had written it down for another guest staying at the house at the time.( that guest messaged me about two months ago
On fb saying that she didn’t know what she did with the paper I’d written my number on)
The fact that I even have had to think about these things, how she got my number, is this woman going to harm myself and my ashram, because of her own anti senitism and deacrimination, is enough to make me consider filing charges against her. I grew up in a town that was anti Semitic and it was quite scary.. if you or anyone else ever contacts me again, i will go to local as well as federal authorities to file reports on her that she is conspiring to commit a hate crime .. period.
And during her daughter’s grastuation party earlier in the year, I had to remove myself from where she was sitting because she said,” is it true that there are a lot of former Jews who started this?” Followed by,” iwasng your founder a gay?”
I will report all of this if necessary. I hope for xxxxxxx sake that she stays with the community here, where she is amongst loving, kind people, who can actually support her .. because she clearly does not have that with her own mother.
End of Memo from the Private Investigator with copied texts from Jessica.
These two communications provide a flavor of how confusing, crazy, manipulating, damaging and dysfunctional the environment at the Movement Center was and how a victim could swing back and forth between being a victim and being a cult apologist, loving her group and her guru. I thank all the powers that be, that Ruth, Jess, Dan, Natacha, Pinky, Tom, Karla, Liz’s children and grandchildren, my daughter, and others I may not know or have not mentioned are out and are alive and recovering. For the victims of this abusive, high demand, high control group, I have great compassion. Their road to recovery is all up hill and it is not smooth. Getting any kind of justice will be difficult, all the victims need our support and help. Shoemaker and his evil inner circle need to be exposed and stopped. I have provided names and contact information for law enforcement officials and for lawyers involved in following up on what is being reported. If you have information and if you are ready, please talk to them. Please share what you feel you can on the Frank Report to continue to expose the harm that has been done. Thank you
Thank you for providing this Jayne.
Thank you Jayne. It’s helpful to see all the texts and the full effect this man has on the community.
SRA is Satanic Ritual Abuse.
Satanics and Luciferians are well aware who controls the mind, controls the soul. By starting sexual trauma and SRA techniques as young as possible, they hope to fragment the mind as well as the soul. When a person is sexually traumatized it is the worst damage one can commit to the soul, and that act alone can fragment the personality into dissociative states, schizoid or extreme trauma based disorders. This is the NAA strategy with pedophilia and why its so rampant on the earth today. When this occurs the satanic entity can bind the person to negative entities through Parasitism or use the person/people involved much more easily, and so the goal of sexual torture is mental fragmentation, as well as Soul Fragmentation to program the mind and siphon the person’s Consciousness and Soul body.
Exactly. This is it right here.
Jessica- I know you’re reading the comments. I just want to say shame on you.
Either you lied about Michael Shoemaker abusing you and acted like you were a victim like Natasha, Ruth, and countless others so you could reap the attention, or you didn’t lie about the abuse and are lying about it now for personal gain (I’m thinking you want to be in a relationship with Jesse Sweeny).
Shame on you.
Either way you’re consciously being an asshole to women out there that this man took advantage of. Shame on you.
She needs attention and validation so desperately that she doesn’t care of it’s positive or negative. Anything…Just get her in the spotlight.
I am concerned that Becker has access to other victims and she isn’t disclosing that. When she put her phone number out there I contacted her myself (though I did via facebook not phone, seemed more polite at the time). What if she has mind-f*cked with other victims?
If you’re out there, anons, and Jessica has hurt you, confused you, made you scared, or said something even vaguely threatening or minimizing (like that you wouldn’t stand up in court, or nobody will believe you, you better “make sure”, or you better trust me and no one else – all things she’s now said to me in private since she dropped her mask FYI), please consider contacting Frank or any of the other legal options mentioned here and DO NOT TALK TO JESSICA ANYMORE NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.
God knows the damage she has done to other possible sources, scaring them away or making them doubt themselves.
If there are any other victims reading this, you can reach out to Frank anonymously. If you want to remain anonymous he will protect that. We (Dan, Jess, Natacha and others) are slowly building a coalition of more reliable and stable ex members. This is guaranteed to be a bumpy process and it may take some time but I believe it is worth it.
As an aside. Jessica had many redflags that I think I initially ignored because she was the very first ex-member I had contacted in a long time, and that relief/validation flooded my senses. She actually love bombed me hard and I should have noticed big time that was a problem. I am not hurt by her though, rather just mad about what she has maybe done to other potential sources. I’m sorry I was naive or overly eager. As a sober person who knew they were dealing with a non-sober person, I think I also gave her too much leeway out of sympathy, and myself too much confidence to handle her.
I will only say this:
I wont be going down to Gold Beach again for a while. I’m sure this makes my former guru very very sad. I was originally told he misses me very very much.
Who wrote this article?? Oh my goodness it is so cold and just awful. Jessica Becker is a victim in many ways. No matter what the case may be. The woman needs support and kindness and help getting to a safe place.
This article is vile and victim shaming.
I am extremely disappointed.
She wanted it published. She is not a child. She is about 50 years old. She came out publicly against the Swami and wanted to retract that publicly. As an adult, she has that right.
I also have a right to contextualize it.
Not only that, but it is important. This is what happens in circumstances like this – where someone claims he is a swami and religious teacher, lures people in for spiritual goals, then has sex and uses drugs. Now Jessica has had a change of mind. She might change again.
JB said: ‘who have 💯 percent helped me and have never been wrong with any advice.’
Wondering if that ‘help’ includes providing you with coke and meth while you were struggling with sobriety?
That could have been a lie.
This is a good example of why its hard to go after abusers like Swami.
Its not just the embarrassment of coming forward, its also whatever mechanisms of control they have established. In this case a drug addiction, a desperate need for money and home base to feed the addiction.
Prosecutors loath to risk recanters as it can blow up a case regardless of how much other evidence they may have. Another example of this is Camila. The prosecution probably could have got her on the stand but did not trust her to suddenly change her mind. Its pretty clear that Raniere and Suneel believe they can neutralize her as a testimony threat which is telling.
All this proves is the usual – you can only help people that want to be helped.
Yes. The women who claim to be abused and raped cast a dark shadow on the true victims.
Jessica Becker doesn’t have a clue who she is and probably has been paid by Shoemaker to recant her story. Desperate for any kind of attention, she’s a pathological liar and a total flake.
Falsely claim
“between the risk he took on me..” Jessica, he risked it for himself only, and the fulfilment of his golden mouthwash fantasies. Don’t forget it. You were nothing but fresh meat to him.
The spiritual fairytales this man tells himself and others about “helping people” and “taking big risks on them to save them” simply because he can’t control his destructive sexual urges never stops amazing me. Sharon, you’re a smart woman (allegedly). You can’t tell anyone you buy this shit. How do you look at yourself. It would be laughable except for how many people’s lives he’s destroyed. But as long as you get what you want, right?
This reads, I Jessica Becker used my alluring sexual wiles to lure this illustrious spiritual giant into my bed, only to discover that his sexual prowess is so extraordinary that I could not handle his studliness. So when the relationship failed, as I was unable to provide him with his extreme sexual needs, I became bitter and lashed out.
Just wondering, did they give you bullet points you have to meet? This entire statement serves his ego and his legal defense. As usual.
If trying to show a bite on one’s thigh, might you zoom in on it instead of providing a crotch shot for FR to post?
I see a bruise on right boob (also displayed for mass consumption) but not a bite on either thigh.
Peculiar the photos you want published.
Clearly Sharon selected it to make sure the world see you in the most negative light possible. So her swami is the true victim.
Such a shame.
Maybe the bite was on the breast.
How much did you get paid off Jessica? NDA?
Perhaps you should be in prison for making such “false” allegations.
Sharon Ward would pursue that option if it were the truth, but we all know it’s not.
Too many of us have confirmed the conduct and there is a history of abuse.
Congratulations on falling right into his trap. Now you look like you are at least the insane one- if not criminal, and a promiscuous slut at that.
Your recantation changes nothing except your personal reputation.
Jessica if you were threatened by Swami or Sharon please let someone know so we can try to help you!
Becker please think about your personal safety and stay away from Swami.
PLEASE, Please go be with your family and stay safe girl!!!
Jessica, be safe, stay safe, find a safe place to recover for a while.
Post-Cult Trauma Syndrome
After exiting a cult, an individual may experience a period of intense and often conflicting emotions. She or he may feel relief to be out of the group, but also may feel grief over the loss of positive elements in the cult, such as friendships, a sense of belonging or the feeling of personal worth generated by the group’s stated ideals or mission. The emotional upheaval of the period is often characterized by “post-cult trauma syndrome”:
• spontaneous crying
• sense of loss
• depression & suicidal thoughts
• fear that not obeying the cult’s wishes will result in God’s wrath or loss of salvation
• alienation from family, friends
• sense of isolation, loneliness due to being surrounded by people who have no basis for understanding cult life
• fear of evil spirits taking over one’s life outside the cult
• scrupulosity, excessive rigidity about rules of minor importance
• panic disproportionate to one’s circumstances
• fear of going insane
• confusion about right and wrong
• sexual conflicts
• unwarranted guilt
The period of exiting from a cult is usually a traumatic experience and, like any great change in a person’s life, involves passing through stages of accommodation to the change:
• Disbelief/denial: “This can’t be happening. It couldn’t have been that bad.”
• Anger/hostility: “How could they/I be so wrong?” (hate feelings)
• Self-pity/depression: “Why me? I can’t do this.”
• Fear/bargaining: “I don’t know if I can live without my group. Maybe I can still associate with it on a limited basis, if I do what they want.”
• Reassessment: “Maybe I was wrong about the group’s being so wonderful.”
• Accommodation/acceptance: “I can move beyond this experience and choose new directions for my life” or…
• Reinvolvement: “I think I will rejoin the group.”
Passing through these stages is seldom a smooth progression. It is fairly typical to bounce back and forth between different stages. Not everyone achieves the stage of accommodation / acceptance. Some return to cult life. But for those who do not, the following may be experienced for a period of several months:
• flashbacks to cult life
• simplistic black-white thinking
• sense of unreality
• suggestibility, ie. automatic obedience responses to trigger-terms of the cult’s loaded language or to innocent suggestions
• disassociation (spacing out)
• feeling “out of it”
• “Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person
• difficulty concentrating
• incapacity to make decisions
• hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult or toward the cult itself
• mental confusion
• low self-esteem
• dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake
• loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks
• dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult
• hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting
• difficulty managing time
• trouble holding down a job
Most of these symptoms subside as the victim mainstreams into everyday routines of normal life. In a small number of cases, the symptoms continue.
* This information is a composite list from the following sources: “Coming Out of Cults”, by Margaret Thaler Singer, Psychology Today, Jan. 1979, P. 75; “Destructive Cults, Mind Control and Psychological Coercion”, Positive Action Portland, Oregon, and “Fact Sheet”, Cult Hot-Line and Clinic, New York City.
Call For More Info At 214-607-1065
VM Life Resources
email: info@4woundedsheep.com
yes, we wouldn’t want Sharon’s dogs to find you unresponsive.
Sharon, how’d she do?
LOL.
I can tell that her comments today seem orchestrated and scripted, since her language seems carefully-crafted to protect the Swami legally (from past comments she made).
These are not the comments of a person who’s had a slight change of heart.
These are the comments of a person who’s trying to ‘legally’ protect the Swami from past comments she made —- using specific legal language.
She spent months telling people “I got out, you can too” (and providing links to cult education networks).
But now, she’s saying “everything was consensual, I flirted with the Swami, I was jealous of not going to Gold Beach, blah blah blah”.
This is the most FISHY reversal I’ve ever heard. LOL.
I’m wondering what prompted this change of heart?
Obviously, somebody from the ashram contacted her and used a carrot or a stick to get this laughable reversal.
I doubt we’ll ever get the full story. lol.
Frank, your last line makes it sound like other ex-members are having a change of heart too.
While I truly think the Swami is an evil animal and that Sharon Ward is a fucking cheater who failed to pay employer-based FICA taxes —- if the other ex-members are shying away, this story is kaput.
My advice: Don’t waste any more time on this story IF the other ex-members are having doubts or reservations.
You may be right. And the Swami might be getting to them.
Some others choose to remain silent. They let others fight for justice.
Don’t give up.
Why would you mock and laugh at someone who is Real-Time being manipulated? I hope this girl is SAFE and thinking of how to stay safe. God Bless
Perhaps she was threatened Retard