High Conflict in Family Court – Fiction in Connecticut?

Excerpt from the novel…

High Conflict in Family Court

And the Happy Lady Lawyers Who Live and Love There

Any resemblance to attorneys, GALs, custody evaluators, or pedophile fathers is not purely coincidental – so sue me… {I look forward to discovery.]

Chapter 42

“There are no secrets between us, I think. He! he! he!’ said Attorney Aldrich, who represented the father, Christopher P. Dophallus, who was present with his checkbook.

It was time to settle up on payments.

‘Not many, I think,’ said Attorney Knopf, who represented the mother, who now had no contact with her children by order of Judge Grossman. ‘Ha! Ha! ha!’

Then both attorneys, the GAL, and the custody evaluator all laughed together–pleasantly and cheerfully, as women who are going to receive money often do.

‘We shall make Mr. P. Dophallus pay now for the GAL and the testimony of the custody evaluator and my payments, ‘ said Attorney Knopf with considerable native humor as she unfolded her papers. ‘The amount of mine, the GAL, and the custody evaluator is one hundred and thirty-three, thousand four hundred and twenty-six dollars, and 40 cents’ Let’s take off the six dollars and forty cents. No need for any one of us to be hogs.”

There was a great comparing of papers and turning over of pages by Attorney Aldrich and Attorney Knopf as Mr. P. Dophallus watched in painful silence.

There was a coolness about all this, which, to a person of an excitable temperament, like Mr. P., might find exasperating.

The affluent father restrained his wrath by gigantic efforts; but when Attorney Aldrich had him write a check to the GAL,  then the custody evaluator, and finally to his wife’s attorney, Knopf, and she deposited hers in her small pocketbook, with a triumphant smile playing over her pimply features, which communicated itself likewise to the stern countenance of Attorney Aldrich, Mr. Dophallus felt the blood in his cheeks tingling with indignation.

‘Now, Attorney Aldrich,’ said Attorney Knopf, putting up the pocketbook and drawing on her gloves, ‘I am at your service.’

‘Very good,’ said Attorney Aldrich rising, ‘I am quite ready.’

‘I am very happy,’ said Attorney Knopf, softened by the check, ‘to have had the pleasure of making Mr. P’s acquaintance. I hope you don’t think quite so ill of us, Mr. P, as when I first had the pleasure of seeing you and had to pretend to be representing your wife. It was a mere show, after all, my good sir.’

“I hope not,’ said the GAL Hurwitz, with the high tone of calumniated virtue. ‘Mr. P. Do now knows us better, I trust; whatever your opinion of women of our profession may be, I beg to assure you, sir, that we bear no ill-will or vindictive feeling towards you, your children, or their now absent mother for the sentiments their mother thought proper to express in court about you and us, on the occasion to which I referred the custody evaluator.’

‘Oh, no, no; nor I,’ said Dr Caverly in a most forgiving manner.

‘Our conduct,’ said Attorney Knopf, ‘will speak for itself, and justify itself, I hope, upon every occasion. We have all been in the profession some years, Mr. Dophallus, and have been honored with the confidence of many excellent clients, all of whom had the mother’s parental rights terminated. I represented the mothers of many of these, and let me advise you, sir, you got off cheap. I wish you good- morning, sir.’

‘Good morning, Mr. Pedophalus, ‘ said GAL Hurwitz.

So saying, she put her umbrella under her arm, drew off her right glove, and extended the hand of reconciliation to that most indignant pedophile father who, thereupon, thrust his hands beneath his coat tails and eyed them with looks of scornful amazement.

‘Some remarks to me,’ repeated Mr. Pedophallus almost breathless; ‘and the GAL has tendered me her hand, and you too, the custody evaluator, have assumed a tone of high-mindedness after I paid you all in the six figures, which is an extent of impudence that I was not prepared for, even in you.’

‘What, sir!’ exclaimed Attorney Knopf.

‘What, sir!’ reiterated GAL Hurwitz.

‘Do you know that I have been the victim of your plots and conspiracies to get more money out of me?’ continued Mr. P. “Do you know that I am the man whom you have been robbing? Do you know that you, the attorney for my wife and the unbiased GAL, since I paid you, you owed me a duty of loyalty, but you kept this conflict going?’

‘Yes, sir, we do know it,’ replied Attorney Knopf.

‘Of course, we know it, sir,’ rejoined GAL Hurwitz, slapping her pocket –perhaps by accident.

‘I see that you recollect it with satisfaction,’ said Mr. P. attempting to call up a sneer and failing most signally in so doing. ‘Although I have long been anxious to tell you, in plain terms, what my opinion of you is, I should have let even this opportunity pass, in deference to attorney Aldrich’s wishes, but for the unwarrantable tone you have assumed, and your insolent familiarity. I say insolent familiarity, madam,’ said Mr. P, turning upon Attorney Knopf with a fierceness of gesture which caused that person to retreat towards the door with great expedition.

‘Take care, sir,’ said Dr. Caverly, who, though she was the biggest woman of the party, had prudently entrenched herself behind Hurwitz and Knopf and was speaking over their head with a very pale face. ‘Let him assault you, Ms. Hurwitz, don’t return it on any account.’

‘No, no, I won’t return it,’ said Hurwitz falling back a little more as she spoke, to the evident relief of Dr. Caverly, who by these means was gradually getting into the outer office.

‘You are,’ continued Mr. P resuming the thread of his discourse–‘ you are a well-matched trio of mean, rascally, family court robbers.’

‘Well,’ interposed Attorney Aldrich, ‘is that all?’

‘It is all summed up in that,’ rejoined Mr. P; ‘they are mean, rascally, family court robbers. They could have brought me the custody of my children for less than $300,000, not counting what I paid you, attorney Aldrich, which was twice that amount.’

‘There!’ said Atty Aldrich in a most conciliatory tone. ‘My dear ladies, he has said all he has to say. Now, pray to go.”

‘There, there–good-morning–good-morning–now pray, my dear ladies, we have other cases to settle just as profitably; ‘this way, my dear ladies –now pray don’t prolong this.’

‘If there’s law in Connecticut, sir,’ said Attorney Knopf looking towards Mr. P as she put on her hat, ‘you shall pay more for this. We will tell the judge to allow your wife to see the children, and they might disclose your pedophilia to her, and even we may not be able to stop the DCF investigation….’

‘Remember, sir, you pay dearly for this,’ said GAL Hurwitz.

Mr. P immediately came to his senses. He thought of the joys he would have with his children that very evening after he gave them their bath…

To be continued…

Frank Parlato