Governments Advise People on Safe Sex During Coronavirus – Some of the Advice Is Peculiar

By Marie White

Government, Everywhere

According to the BBC: 

The Dutch government just issued important sex guidance for single people.

The National Institute for Public Health and the Environment (RIVM) says singletons should come to an arrangement with only one other person, if possible.

But, brilliantly they add – avoid sex if one of them has coronavirus!

The Netherlands has been in an “intelligent lockdown” since March 23.

On May 14, the RIVM advised, “Meet with the same person to have physical or sexual contact (for example, a cuddle buddy or sex buddy), provided you are free of illness.

“Make good arrangements with this person about how many other people you both see. The more people you see, the greater the chance of (spreading) the coronavirus.”

And what if you already have coronavirus?

“Sex with yourself or with others at a distance is possible,” the RIVM suggests.

“Erotic stories” and “masturbating together” – with proper social distancing are recommended.

As part of the first phase of reopening from the lockdown, libraries, hairdressers, nail bars, beauticians, massage salons and places providing occupational therapy were allowed to reopen on May 11 in the Netherlands. Sex workers, who can normally ply their trade legally there, have not been allowed to go back to their ‘non-essential’ work.

More than 43,000 people have tested positive for coronavirus in the country so far, with more than 5,600 deaths.

USA Also Has Good Taxpayer-Funded Advice

Do taxpayers in the USA need to pay for sound sex advice? The answer is a resounding yes.

New York City Health [NYCH] has this advice in their Sex and Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19):

“All New Yorkers should stay home and minimize contact with others to reduce the spread of COVID-19. But can you have sex?”

The answer is yes with qualifications.

According to NYCH “You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex.”

Can you actually be a sex partner for yourself? Or would it be simply onanism, sex without a partner?

“The next safest partner is someone you live with. Having close contact — including sex — with only a small circle of people helps prevent spreading COVID-19. Have sex only with consenting partners.”

In other words, don’t rape anyone because you might get the virus from them.

“If you do have sex with others, have as few partners as possible.”

That’s good advice during a pandemic.

“If you usually meet your sex partners online or make a living by having sex, consider taking a break from in-person dates. Video dates, sexting or chat rooms may be options for you.”

Is that realistic for sex workers?

Eat Shit and [Possibly] Die

Taxpayers also paid for the following message:

“Rimming (mouth on anus) might spread COVID-19. Virus in feces may enter your mouth.”

Which reminds me of this one-liner: “Your rim job was not funny, so you better wipe that smile off your feces.”

More good advice:

Dental Dams?

“Condoms and dental dams can reduce contact with saliva or feces, especially during oral or anal sex.”

[Above] If you insist on eating feces, make sure you put this on.


How to wash a PC - so clean - YouTube

“Disinfect keyboards and touch screens that you share with others (for video chat, for watching pornography or for anything else).”

This can be a sticky issue if your porn-watching partner doesn’t want to wash the computer with soap and warm water.

Oregon Rules

Let’s go to Oregon where taxpayers paid for this graphic.

Is that a peach?

Oregon advises residents to press pause on their ubiquitous practice of putting feces in their mouth, which might be why they also advise selective kissing.

Oregon, like NYC, urges people to switch from sex with partners to onanism.

How To Spell Onanism (And How To Misspell It Too) |

“Take this time to find out what makes you feel good,” the health agency wrote, along with pictures of a “fleshlight,” and a vibrator.

What the hell is a fleshlight?

The fleshlight is apparently a plastic device designed to appear something not unlike a vagina or an anus.

It is meant for lonesome losers who couldn’t get a date to save their lives. A live penis is inserted into the plastic device, which has a hole in the middle.

Oregon advises pathetic losers to wash this item for 20 seconds after using, but I would advise them to wash it for about an hour-and-a-half.  Especially if you are going to share it with neighbors and friends.

Which reminds me of two losers who had love dolls and would go out on double dates. They were swingers, and the two dudes used to swap love dolls.

Grotesque images lie ahead!

These are pictures of fleshlights. Model is not included.

Safer than the real thing?
Fleshlighs do not light up like a flashlight and, in fact, do the opposite. Studies show they make you dull.

Are Sex Dolls Safe If They Come From China?

While governments in various states do not seem to specifically advocate for the use of sex dolls [price $200], or sex robots [$4000 plus], some sex doll and robot companies have been making an important self-serving public service message:

Sex dolls are certainly better than humans during coronavirus.

Abyss, the maker of sex robots RealDolls, assures its sad-sack buyers that its dolls are 100 percent free of COVID-19.

“All RealDolls are made from Platinum Grade Silicone and are naturally antibacterial and nonporous!”, it assures its lonesome loser customers.

But is there a problem if the sex doll or robot is made in China, which is, in fact, where most of them come from?

In other words, can China-made sex dolls carry coronavirus?

There is one website that boldly answers this question. It is, which says, “Sex doll industries have been greatly affected as most of these products were made and delivered from China. But to break the existing perception toward China-made sex dolls, is there really a high-risk of product-to-human viral transmission? One firm answer: No!. There is no medical proof that upholds this claim. Sex dolls assembled or imported from China have no harm to the people.”

But just because there is “no medical proof” that masturbators won’t get Covid-19 from their China-made sex dolls, is there any medical proof that they won’t?


This old fool finally won the [silicone] woman of his dreams. She was made in China, but she loves him. After being washed with soap and warm water, she is virus-free.
Unlike his last girlfriend, who cheated on him, because he is a dud in every way, this amorous gent can truly trust his new love to never cheat on him. This is important during the pandemic since it means he won’t catch coronavirus from her.  And what’s also important, even if he gets coronavirus, he can still have sex with her, since she won’t catch it as long as he washes her with soap and warm water.


Women can get in on the coronavirus-free act too and buy Chinese-made male sex dolls and ladies be confident it will never give you the virus.  Tip: If the penis is a little cold just use soap and warm water and wash it for about 20 minutes.

Even if America has taken leave of its senses during the pandemic, I still like living here a hell of a lot better than living in Communist China.


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    • 00:10
      as far as I know I am the world’s oldest
      man I was born in 1900 when I was three
      years of age men in North Carolina were
      first and flat when I was 8 years of age
      my baby sister died she was only 2 and
      she died of pneumonia when I was 13
      years of age we surrendered our
      financial independence on Jekyll Island
      to the banking cartels and they created
      the privately-owned Federal Reserve
      which gave them the right to print money
      in our country we’ve been financially
      enslaved ever since when I was 14 years
      of age my older brother went to Canada
      to join the great war in Europe when I
      was 16 he was killed at the Battle of
      the Somme when I was 17 years of age
      America entered the war and I had
      already enlisted the previous year after
      my brother’s death I watched my friends
      get shredded by cannon fire in the
      battlefields on Europe it was also at
      that time that the Soviet Union came
      into being when the war finally was over
      a new and sinister influenza the Spanish
      flu came about and killed millions turns
      out we weren’t told about it during the
      original outbreak so as to maintain
      morale amongst the troops in the
      trenches in Europe it was only in
      neutral Spain where newspapers were free
      to report on it they gave people the
      impression of Spain as being especially
      hard-hit thus gave rise to the name the
      Spanish flu it lasted a couple of years
      into the 1920s and estimates of about 17
      to 50 million people died now in my
      twenties I had a few good years I found
      a wife and I had a few kids
      I saw the conclusion of the Indian Wars
      and the suppression of the last free
      tribes but when I was 29 the stock
      market collapsed and the world entered
      the Great Depression
      those years were hard and it lasted all
      the way up until 1939 when Europe
      started round 2 and this time it was
      even worse than the first time we
      Americans sensibly stayed out but when I
      was 41 the Japanese attacked our Pacific
      Fleet in Hawaii and we were sucked into
      that conflict – I lost my oldest boy at
      the Battle of Okinawa and when I became
      45 the guns went silent once again the
      post-war years were peaceful but in the
      1950s we were at war again this time in
      Korea my youngest son served there but
      thankfully he was able to come home in
      the years after we lived out our lives
      under the threat of atomic annihilation
      as the Cold War the Soviet Union
      densified but don’t get me wrong it
      wasn’t all bad
      we got rock-and-roll music as well as
      television by the time I turned 62 our
      world was brought once again to the
      brink this time in Cuba and we all held
      our collective breath but we were able
      to make it once again a couple of years
      later we got caught up at a war on a
      place called Vietnam which went on for
      more than ten years and in the end we
      lost we also got things like the civil
      rights movement which needed to come and
      the birth of feminism which I’m not
      really sure of the outcome of that thus
      far the sixties it would seem is where
      things really went off the rails
      it was the zenith of America to be sure
      but also the seeds were sown for its
      eventual downfall in this decade it’s
      also when the gano centrism that we live
      under today really began the last half
      of my 70s I witnessed the breakdown of
      our post-war economy and when I was 80 I
      witnessed the election of an actor I
      also lost my wife when I was 87 and when
      I was 91 will stone they vanished
      the Soviet Union went up and collapsed
      in my nine days not much has happened
      well not much did happen this is also
      the time when we really got involved in
      the Middle East and would seem to have
      been there now
      somewhere around 30 years but was also
      my 90s I saw the creation of the
      Internet pretty neat thing when I hit
      101 years of age New York City was
      attacked and this led to another round
      of low intensity Wars FACA patient in
      the Middle East but for the past twenty
      years or so not much and for the most
      part of the last 75 years we’ve had
      relative peace at least in America as
      well as abundant prosperity but now as I
      reached the age of 120 I’m being told
      for the first time that I’ve ever heard
      of that we are quarantined in entire
      cities of healthy people healthy people
      rather than the vulnerable because we’re
      terrified of this new flu imagine that
      qualen tnen the healthy I ain’t never
      heard none some like that before but I
      will be truthful with you I do not even
      recognize this country we went from
      taming a continent to landing on a moon
      and now we have 49 genders people that
      need safe spaces from other people’s
      ideas we have become in all intents and
      purposes a population of cattle but more
      than that were terrified
      not only terrified of our own shadows or
      of offending strangers but now the
      government has us all hidin in our
      houses filled with fear fear is
      something that has the same death rate
      as far as I can tell as the seasonal flu
      the young lament how hard their lives
      are how difficult life is for them being
      born around the turn of the century and
      they’re stuck with things like student
      loans but it’s for an education in
      things like community organizing well
      now as I look to depart this mortal coil
      I can say from experience that your
      ancestors are spinning in their graves
      spinning knowing what a weak docile
      controlled obedient emasculated and
      consumed by fear that this sad lot of
      people that call themselves Americans in
      the 21st century have become
      take my last piece of advice grow a pair
      and take back your birthright

    • Somebody predicts everything, it doesn’t make it true. I think the “psychopathic global elite” would have come up with some other method, as most of them are old and prone to dying from the very hard to track beer virus. LOL

  • I don’t know if I like tuna-casserole or a Sloppy Joe manwich or Bubba Shrimp more. I lean towards Joe and Bubba. LOL

  • Who needs a Fleshlight when they can use my mouth as a c*ck cave? Just call into my walkie-talkie show. LOL

  • “The Dutch government just issued important sex guidance for single people…singletons should come to an arrangement with only one other person, if possible.”

    Kristin Kreuk, who is half-Dutch, said she can’t limit sex to only one person–“That would end my career. I don’t keep getting tax-payer funded jobs because of my acting.”

  • ““Rimming (mouth on anus) might spread COVID-19. Virus in feces may enter your mouth.”


    No kidding?
    Whatever will the ladies of NXIVM do?
    For that matter what will Bill Clinton do?

    From the Starr Report
    28. Id. at 19. They engaged in oral-anal contact as well. See Lewinsky 8/26/98 Depo. at 18-20.

    35. Id. at 30-32. They engaged in oral-anal contact as well. See Lewinsky 8/26/98 Depo. at 29-33

    Take that NiceGuy…

    • I think it was Slick Willy’s anal and Lewinsky’s oral, and was way before the beer virus existed, so all is well. LOL

    • Shadow,

      I’m a big enough man to admit it. You got me, buddy. You are right! In all seriousness, I had no idea they engaged in oral/anal.

      I did know about the BJs and the Cuban-cigar used as a sex toy. It’s amazing how Monica’s scent lasted so long on a cigar in a humidor. I am thinking vaginosis.

      Side Note:
      Do you have any ideas as to why the GADFLY, Scott Johnson, is no longer using his name or an alias?

      Scott has yet to furnish us with a credible explanation. Texas’s toughest f-tard is now hiding.

      We all know Scotty is a hypocrite. Now he has proved it himself.

      Scott Johnson aka LOL-BOY should explain himself.

      • Did you forget already? Mr. Shadow told you that a couple of weeks ago, NiceGuy 666. LOL

        Scott doesn’t owe anybody anything. YOU, however, owe Scott an appearance on his radio/podcast. Why don’t you come on his show and ask him that question? Have you finished all of the assignments he gave you to correct your various errors? LOL

        • LOL BOY(Scott Johnson),

          I have better things to do then to call into your 2 paper cups and a string radio show.

          You are a tool who can no longer use his own name because you took a payoff of 500 boxes of detergent. LOL

      • I’ll leave it to the brave Scott Johnson of Texas to explain his new modus operandi.
        All I will say is that since Scott was in the Navy LOL should be changed to SOS —
        Save Our Ship.

        Scott SOS Johnson has a nice ring to it.

      • I love it when other ghosts of Scott get involved, knowingly or unknowingly. Let’s hope other ghosts pick up on that. LOL

        Scott did hear a true story one time, when brand-spanking new Directs (Platinums in today’s lingo) made their trek to the top of the Ada, MI mountain to visit the mother-ship. The upline detests the corporation, but they are obliged to act nicey-nice with Amway and send their newly-minted Platinums there so they can be “honored” for being great beginner scam artists. At one of the sessions, Amway was showing off one of their new brilliant creations, a multi-function flAshlight, similar to what you can find anywhere, with various flashing lights when your Amway-mobile breaks down on the side of the road because it was driven into the ground while “showing the plan.” Amway asked the new Platinums what is the MOST they thought Amway could charge for the device and the downline would still dutifully buy it because it was from Amway, don’t-cha know. The Platinums were still learning how “the business” really worked and were shocked, and it didn’t even occur to them the upline asks themselves the same question when they sell the tools to the downline. And that’s a no-sh!tter. LOL

        • I love it when ghosts of Scott Johnson post long winded and meandering defenses of Scott. Thanks so much! LOL

      • Mr. Shadow I’ll be your flashlight anytime.
        Do you happen to have a AAA battery? Or are you more D battery size? LOL

  • Sorry, had to do this, it’s just that Anderson Paak’s fleshlight bars are so apropos, and sooo awful it’s hilarious, look at the disgust on drama and lil’ dicky’s face.. OMG. Not every disaster in this world was caused by coronavirus hahaha..

    • I thought that dude was singing into the Fleshlight 🥺 and I can’t believe they mentioned a Fleshlight.

About Frank Parlato

About Frank Parlato

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in major publications all over the world, including The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CNN, Fox News, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, and more.

Frank Parlato was the lead investigator and coordinating producer of Investigation Discovery's 2 hour blockbuster special 'The Lost Women of NXIVM.'

Frank Report is dedicated to Frank's investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth.

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