Former Girlfriend Tells of Hurtful Relationship With Raniere in 1980s and How She Finally Healed

Young Raniere was irresistible to women and teenage girls.

Kathy had a relationship with Keith Alan Raniere in the 1980s. She found out many things about him, including that he lied to her about having cancer – and cheated on her while pretending they were in a monogamous relationship. Here is her account. She wrote this at my request and with the hope that it might help other women who have been in destructive relationships with Raniere or other monsters of his ilk.

By Kathy

Why do intelligent, successful women get snared into a destructive relationship with Keith Raniere?

How is it possible to heal their wounds and erase their scars when they realize that the relationship has ended or that they have been strung along for years with his empty promises and lies?

In my case, I was a young woman, just a couple years off a divorce, and raising two young children alone. I believed at the time that I needed to find a new relationship for myself and for my children so we would have a “whole” family again.

Young Raniere was not much different than old Raniere.

I thought I needed a male in my life to go through the years and into old age – to get a house with a yard together, and do all the things “normal” families did. It was the way I was raised, and what we used to call “the American Dream.”

Keith came into my life when I was most “alone” and vulnerable. He worked his magic on me (what some Frank Report contributors have referred to as “love bombing”).

He followed me around like a little puppy, bought me gifts for occasions, was great with the kids, bought them Christmas and birthday gifts each year, bought them an upright piano, taught them how to play a few songs on it, went to all their concerts and sports events, etc.

He attended all my family holiday gatherings and other events, and parties booked through my workplace. He took us all to his father and step mother’s vacation home in the Hamptons and took me to their place in Manhattan. He also spent a lot of “alone” time with me – including long hours talking, teaching me to meditate, and expounding on other worldly and spiritual matters of relevance, in addition to the physical aspect of the relationship.

He was playing the part of the teacher and spiritual master even then.

Of course, he bragged about all his various talents and accomplishments, and made it impossible for anyone to be as accomplished as he was at anything. He was always the “superlative” in any endeavor. This bothered me as someone in what I thought was an equal partnership with him, so I was always trying to prove my self-worth to him. I wanted to prove I was as good as he was (or even better) at something.

He tried to get me to sell Amway and Matol, two of the multi-level marketing products he was into. During one work party at a local motel, he asked me to help him devise a mathematical formula to basically clear a person’s mind of all their previous concepts and beliefs (probably the infant stages of his later “Rational Inquiry” model). He believed he was onto something that would increase human potential, even then.

He told me he was going to be very wealthy and that he would father a son who would be of super-intelligence…and asked me if I would mind being vegetarian if I were to become pregnant with his child.

Over the years, he spent less and less time love bombing me and my family, and spent a lot of time developing his own multi-level marketing company. I was skeptical (as I was about all multi-level marketing companies) and had tried to go out to shop with my CBI membership, only to find I was unable to achieve any savings unless I bought a whole grocery cart of baby diapers or something of the like.

Keith Alan Raniere touting his wonderful MLM Consumers’ Buyline

He would eventually spend days without contacting me, and when I questioned it, he would say I had “anger issues” that kept him from being able to be around as much because my anger issues were detrimental to his health.

At one point, I was the cause of his cancer (which he never had).

I spent several years sitting on my bedroom floor in tears and journaling, trying to figure out which anger issues I had (because, of course, he wouldn’t tell me) so I could somehow get rid of those issues and, once again, he would come spend time with us.

But, of course, that could never happen because (as we now know) that is the way Keith kept so many women in his clutches for most of his life!!!

It took MANY sessions with a very competent and compassionate psychologist as well as a LOT of spiritual guidance for me to (eventually) realize that I was a good and successful person, mother, and professional “without” him in my life.

I did not need him for me to be happy, whole or complete.

I remember sitting and asking the psychologist over and over again “Why did this happen to me? Why did he do this? What is wrong with me?”

She would simply say “You may never know why.”

At some point, after I had talked it out ad infinitum, and there was nothing more to say, I had to realize the fact that we don’t often get to know WHY things happen in our lives the way they do.

However, what we ALL can realize is that we don’t need another person to prove our worth or that we are a good person.

We have to come to believe that for ourselves.

That is how I healed. It was the turning point for me. I only hope that all of the people whose lives have been impacted and/or destroyed by Keith Raniere can someday see it all as it really is, and realize that they are whole and perfect just the way they are, and worthy of a life without him.


Keith during the time period he promoted CBI [ I love that sweater]

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  • Bad suits, unspeakable sweaters, a pudgy shortstack dweeb with a fat, round ass, trying to sell utter crap and anxious to be the center of attention, needing to be the sole authority. To top it all off, there he was in the ‘eighties with an early ‘sixties Herman’s Hermits’ hairdo. For fuck’s sake. How “arranged” could he get? What can be seen is that this semi-human, boo-hoo trainwreck was always a putz, one sick puppy. Even lizards ejaculate. What is the big deal? Raniere the Flabturd thought his jizz was special? He is so pulverizable.

    “Young Raniere was irresistible to women and teenage girls.” Blergh. It’s true enough that there’s someone around who would find anybody attractive. However, I think that Creepboy had his radar tuned, on how to pick females (and males) for himself who would have it in them to be vulnerable to his ways and means. He needed people who would at least acquiesce to the ways that he needed to position himself, as the know-it-all and as a sneaky, slimy user of all others.

    I don’t even see a real man in this guy and find nothing about him attractive, magnetic or desirable. He convinced his marks and his victims not to trust or to listen to their own instincts and inner understanding. He had to be the “superior” one. Raniere had to maintain his fictions, but his character was always there to be seen. I could never be true to myself with a freakish asshole like him trying to steer me. You do not get any such privilege out of me, ever.

    This is in no way intended to disrespect the person who wrote this piece. This was one of her battles to see through to the end, and we all have our lessons and our inner struggles. With few exceptions, we all have our particular vulnerabilities. As unconquerable as my nature might be, there have been instances where relationshit has seemed rather irresistible. Flabturd has never been the type of man who could get to me, that’s all. His squat little ass could never be a turn-on. Flabturd has no fire, no radiance.

    • All your talk about how ugly Keith is makes me think you secretly have the hots for him and possibly wanna fuck his brains out.

      Prove me wrong if you can.

  • What a poor, pathetic creature, this sociopath Raniere must be. It must be killing him inside that he lost the game. After all, everything to the sociopathic personality is some selfish, predatory game of humiliation. He must be seething with internal anger while he puts on a fake face and cries for pity from any of the few human bodies he sees in prison who care to listen. He played his hand like the fool he is, raising the stakes and getting more cocky as sociopaths often do, and as the pride of the little pharaoh grew more and more until the point of no return was reached, reality hit him from where he least expected it. So, as he rots in jail up until the point he croaks, he’ll have time to ponder over his grifting, worthless existence and still not change. Then he’ll die and be sent off to Hell where someone as stubborn-hearted as him belongs.

  • What strikes me, in the big picture, is how much he took of how many womens’ lives like this. Since he found various devious ways to juggle or string along multiple women at a time, he did more damage than just one heartless man normally would – though, of course, he competes with the abusive outright polygamists.

  • Great article. I found it very interesting the degree of his love bombing. He seemed to be very engaged with his partners. He put on a whole. I agree that contextualizing his behavior with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is helpful. Personally understanding that I dated a narcissist really healed me. He stopped being special. Keith is also not special. He is a textbook Narcissist/Psychopath. They always make you feel inferior and never give you closure, so you long for them. It gives them fuel (energy) to have you feeling bad about yourself seeking closure.

    I am glad you are now better and found your worth. Thank you for sharing your story

    • The answer everyone looked to Raniere and NXIVM for is nothing more than “You’re in the driver seat. No one can make you “feel” a certain way. You determine your worth, your happiness, your success”.

      • That’s not the answer we are all looking for. We are wondering why so many talented, beautiful women stayed with this psycho.

  • Sounds to me like Keith was just another ‘player’ in this relationship, not really anything more evil than that.

    Lots of guys tell chicks whatever they wanna hear and pretend to care about their kids in order to string them along for years. It’s not nice, but it’s also not particularly evil.

    I just don’t see anything of value in this post, other than another chick who couldn’t detect that she was in a realationship with a ‘player’.

    Yes, he wanted to get sympathy from you by pretending to have ailments. That’s not uncommon for players to do that.

    Just one of a million such stories.

    I don’t see anything ‘evil’ in her story.

    I get it. He didn’t turn into your soul mate. You’re disappointed.

    Your story is the same one told by half the girls in America.

    • So, what posts are of value, in your mind? What is worth sharing!? Just curious, Pablo.

      Thanks for shutting people down.

      • Why do u invite Pablo and not me? Should I create clickbait comments so I appeal more to you, Scott Johnson? Have u invited Kim or other great writers of Frank Report to your show? Or are you just enabling of the trolls?

        • I have openly and repeatedly invited anybody who wants to be on the show, except for Hutchinson. I have invited Kim by name, I received no response. YOU could have emailed me to be on the show, why didn’t you?

          • Play it cool, Johnson. Play it cool. DON’T RUIN THIS! IT’S A LAY DOWN! Just do what I say – quick set up a 3 way with Mingils and let HIM do the talking.

            I’m now realizing why you drink tea. If you can’t close this deal, you deserve 3rd prize.

          • I’m always cool, Nutjob. It’s my show, I do the bulk of the talking, not Peter Mingils. I will do the opposite of what you say in order to do the right thing, because you’re a NUTJOB, remember? LOL

            There is no “deal” to close, people are welcome to come on to provide their side of the story, except for Hutchinson. It’s quite simple. I enjoy drinking tea because it reminds me of the Founding Fathers, who wouldn’t be like you, afraid to use their real names on this website, let alone on the Declaration of Independence. LOL

            You’re one of many who are too scared to come on my show. LOL

        • OMG Mexican Lady! Either, 1. Scott is passed out and didn’t read your post. 2. Frank is fucking with him by delaying his giddy reply. or 3. Scott is sooo excited, his pudgy fingers can’t stop shaking long enough to beg you to call him this Sat evening.

  • Kathy:

    I am very sorry you went through this. Those who “love bomb” and deceive are very, very good at what they do. I am glad you asked yourself why, but it happens to many – the Trojan Horse, so to speak. They want something from you, and come in disguise.

    I was recovering from my husband’s death when I got involved with a trusted acquaintance who managed to divert $100K from me, in dribs and drabs. I thought I had lost my faith in humanity but have come to learn that people like that are not all that common. Once I opened myself to the general goodness of people, wonderful things came my way.

    Thank you for sharing. We need more sources like you. Don’t feel badly that KAR tricked you. That is what he was born to do. Think of what he might have done with good intentions. But unfortunately, that man does not exist.

  • KR’s face was much rounder in his younger years. He is most likely aging very quickly now. I wonder if he is still dying his hair with ink.

  • Kathy – thanks for sharing. Glad you found help to get past the mind-fuckery, and I hope your children weren’t affected badly by it. And you’re not alone… Going vegetarian, the potential brilliant son he would father (the only person he would be able to communicate with on his level), the esoteric spiritual explorations, the “always being best at everything” (one of the reasons I was sternly reprimanded – I dared to suggest he might tone down the constant bragging. Haha!). Who knows, we may even have been contemporaries. By any chance, did he tell you the rash on his neck (which was probably ringworm) was a symptom of his cancer (not my story – mine was he had a potentially fatal blood clot in his brain)?

    • “Sternly reprimanded”??? What on Earth gave him the right? Seems like he was in the biz of seeking loving, kind souls and stomping them into a mud puddle. I wonder if his cruelty ever crosses his mind now, in a cold jail cell with no family, friends, (cheerful servants), spouse or children in touch? You often make the bed in which you lie.

      If you think about it, he could have had quite a bit if he had been sincere and well intentioned.

      Did he ever shed a tear for anyone other than himself? I wonder. If anyone knows, please speak up.

      • It’s nice to see your posts again OCD. I hope you are doing well.

        All his tears are for himself. Like Harvey Weinstein, he will be still “confused” as to why the jury found him guilty and how there is no justice blah blah blah. He will drown in his own self pitying tears and hate and blame women even more

  • So Keith Raniere had “cancer” back in the 1980s and 1990s?

    To the commenter Bangkok:
    If you pray for anyone to get “butt cancer”, pray for Keith Raniere to get butt cancer.

    According to the Mayo Clinic website, people who engage in receptive anal sex are at higher risk for butt cancer.
    “Anal sex. People who engage in receptive anal sex have an increased risk of anal cancer.”

    So, Bangkok, pray that Keith Raniere gets plenty of opportunities to get butt cancer.
    It will be Raniere’s best way of avoiding thirty years of prison.

    As for Raniere’s flogging of Matol, it is supposed to cure Potassium deficiencies.
    The best way to cure Potassium deficiencies is with a good diet of potatoes and bananas, both of which are cheaper than Matol.
    But make sure you do not over-consume Potassium.
    Over-consumption of Potassium can be dangerous too.
    Everything in moderation.

    Many fresh fruits and vegetables are rich in potassium:

    Bananas, oranges, cantaloupe, honeydew, apricots, grapefruit (some dried fruits, such as prunes, raisins, and dates, are also high in potassium)
    Cooked spinach
    Cooked broccoli
    Sweet potatoes
    Leafy greens

    Juice from potassium-rich fruit is also a good choice:

    Orange juice
    Tomato juice
    Prune juice
    Apricot juice
    Grapefruit juice
    Certain dairy products, such as milk and yogurt, are high in potassium (low-fat or fat-free is best).

    Don’t be like Scott Johnson and pay premium prices for ordinary products and then whine about it for fifteen years.

    • I don’t whine, I educate. LOL

      Admiral Mineutae, you covered potassium, but there are many other ingredients for you to provide your public service information for, including:











      Passion Flower


      and much more

      This list is from and I especially want to see the details about the ingredients “and much more.” LOL

      • Scott, You Whine.
        You want everyone else to join your crusade against Amway.
        It’s not enough for people to acknowledge that Amway is a scam.
        A fact that most people realize in less than ten minutes.
        You want everyone to join in your crusade against Amway.
        A curious crusade since according to one article uncovered by NiceGuy police and other media found that you still had business ties to powerful people inside of Amway.

        • Educating others is not whining. I most people realized Amway is a scam in less than ten minutes, Amway would collapse, because the quitting rate is about 75% for the first year and 25% for subsequent years. Thanks again for proving how clueless you are. LOL

          Why would anyone NOT want to help educate others that Amway and most other MLMs are scams?

          I have ties to an Amway employee who feeds me information about Amway’s scam, but they are not what I would consider powerful (but the information is!) and it isn’t a business relationship. Where did you make up that accusation from? LOL

    • He puts on a big show love bombing,

      From the article:

      He followed me around like a little puppy, bought me gifts for occasions, was great with the kids, bought them Christmas and birthday gifts each year, bought them an upright piano, taught them how to play a few songs on it, went to all their concerts and sports events, etc.

      He attended all my family holiday gatherings and other events, and parties booked through my work place. He took us all to his father and step mother’s vacation home in the Hamptons and took me to their place in Manhattan. He also spent a lot of “alone” time with me including long hours talking, teaching me to meditate, and expounding on other worldly and spiritual matters of relevance, in addition to the physical aspect of the relationship.
      Then he goes on to someone else. Love e’m and leave e’m. This lady is one of the lucky ones.
      With others, he will throw out just enough crumbs to keep stringing them along, but in this case, there was not enough to keep her waiting for him and she finally broke free.

      Good for her! Glass half full here!

About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” In addition, he was credited in the Starz docuseries 'Seduced' for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premieres on May 22, 2022.

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