Shivani: Lauren Spent Her Life on a Rat-Wheel of Inner Chaos and Fear, Jealousies and Increasingly Criminal Activities

Lauren Salzman was part of a scientific experiment that Keith Alan Raniere conducted. In order to complete the experiment, she had to take all her clothes off and be photographed in a variety of poses.

By Shivani

Lauren believed what she wanted and decided to believe and what she had to want to believe, to conform.

Whatever she could think to make exceptions for Keith Raniere’s commandments and for his whoring around, she would just transfer her genuine resentments about it into questioning her own reactions. Here, she and many others would stay stuck, accusing themselves of feeling bad about Raniere’s real behavior, as if any criticism of him were automatically wrong.

This is what Lauren and all of Raniere’s sexual “congregants” had been trained to do. They were taught to blame themselves, as this cut them off from feeling okay to object to Raniere’s agenda and his programming.

One of Raniere’s routes to successfully sustaining his dictatorship was making others accuse and condemn themselves for not being dedicated enough, “strong” enough or “noble” enough to cooperate with what were really his personal choices. He had to be right or else there would be even more trouble and exclusion aimed outward, as a control mechanism.

Or sometimes Lauren could blame the other sexual partners of Raniere a little bit, too, but knew that doing that wasn’t cool or “kosher.”

Two of Raniere’s least questioning and eager sex partners, Allison Mack and Dani Padilla,

She’d be rejected or censured if she expressed how she was really feeling. So, she would revert to blaming herself again. This was the only way that she could keep belonging in his/ her/their world.

Raniere insisted that he was reluctantly having sex with others to “teach and enlighten” them with his ejaculation superpowers.

So, objecting to his fiction was to be seen as selfish and was letting “disintegration” take over and mess with Raniere’s so-called higher mission.

He never had a higher mission. His mission was to be a sexual and a “spiritual” sadist and to do as much harm as he could get away with doing while disguising himself as an advanced one of superior intelligence who was kind enough to be the Master.

No one would ever be worthy, but Saint Flabturd would keep trying to help them.

Top row: Barbara Bouchey, Keith Raniere, Lauren Salzman, and Pam Cafritz. Bottom Row: Sara Bronfman?, Kathy Russell?, Monica Duran, Karen U., and ________ ? Frank Report Readers: Please help us out by filling in the missing names.

No matter what Raniere did or said, the duty of his groupies was to support him, and they were required to go blind, deaf and dumb in order to support his real foulness, to deny their own emotions and thoughts about his behavior. He kept his acolytes in a tower of flowery but paranoid babble, fully injected with peer pressure, with members of the group pretending to trust him and each other, when essentially and realistically, no one could ever really trust anyone else for long, as they kept jockeying with one another to be amongst Raniere’s most favored.

Yet even limpdick Raniere, as he eventually became, could not have sex with EVERYBODY every day or night. So everyone had to be kept in confusion; thinking clearly about the whole huge mess was not allowed.

How blind did one have to make oneself, and for how many years, just to keep going with him and his devotees? One was not allowed to see Raniere for what he really was.

Always, the insistence was that he was the one who was right and oh-so-nobly teaching others the best and the “real” way to think and to live. The minute that someone bought into Raniere’s psycho control net, life was being lived without real attention or awareness. You had to ignore your own conscience, your own thoughts, just to survive as a member of this group.

Everything was fake, but especially the “growth” or so-called progress.

Lauren had to put herself into a lose/lose situation every day, and who could guess how many times she went into this impossible quagmire, every day and night for a couple of decades, while her God was doing whatever he felt like doing all the while insisting that he was faultless and always in the right. Everyone else just had to “wake up” and to get how superior and wise he was and to follow along with his fiction as though it were some form of existential advancement.

Since he was really a complete phony, no one could really be advancing at all, but then you had to blame yourself for not getting it, for failing, while really you just kept spinning through the same old bullshit and pretending to be experiencing growth.

We might see more of what Lauren really thinks and feels currently when she receives her sentence, and we might not. I don’t know if Lauren has been able to get in touch with her thoughts or her feelings by now, or if she is still caught up in her trap. But after spending at least half of her life on a rat-wheel of inner chaos and fear, jealousies and increasingly criminal activities, just in order to support Raniere (and therefore, her own habitual lifestyle) right now, I see her as still adapting to all of the changes since their arrests.

She seemed to me to be hopelessly attached to Raniere during all of her testimony, and she struck me as being very unstable and still extremely caught up in “believing” Raniere’s conditioning. She might have been starting to blame Raniere and to let herself have anger towards him. Yet, even still, she wasn’t evincing self-awareness. It was as if she had no center within herself at all, and that might be true.

Lauren might not have ever had a sense of her individual self or to have ever able to think for herself.

Lauren will never be able to figure out Raniere or her mother, Raniere’s co-leader. The one whom Lauren needs to begin to understand is herself, not them. Only then will she have enough room in herself to detach from her 20 years of dependencies. She seems to be a complete stranger to herself.

Nancy Salzman, with Mark Vicente, Alex Betancourt, Karen U, Clare Bronfman, Lauren Salzman, and Emiliano Salinas – all wearing sashes to indicate their rank.

During all of Lauren’s court testimony, she seemed as stuck as she had always been with Raniere. She was very, very emotionally miserable and still very much attached to her misconceptions about him. I don’t think that Lauren can get the strength on her own, particularly not for as long as she is glued to her mother and her mother’s interests.

Lauren might need years of therapy to be able to even hear or to acknowledge her own voice, her own thoughts. Her entire mindset seems to be one of fear and sometimes, even panic, or overwhelming anxiety.

If only she could understand that Raniere never, ever helped her. He was only ever “helping” himself. But it’s possible that Lauren will never be able to come out of her deep unhappiness and confusion. Certainly, I don’t see her being able to get a real grasp of any of this without genuine professional help.

If Lauren or anyone in a similar position to her is still not getting counseling or therapeutic help, I don’t think that the real inner battle has begun to be faced. You cannot make a choice to give up having any real choices, to live under those conditions for years while pretending “it’s all for the good” without killing your own inner voice and perception.

If anyone says, “I’m in ongoing therapy now to help me to overcome the years of conditioning and the damages,” I’d feel more hopeful that authentic recovery was recognized as being necessary.

However, one has got to be able to see that and to stick with it. It will not be easy, and there’s almost never any quick fixes or sudden “freeing epiphanies.” One has got to have the courage and the determination to get real with oneself, to come out of the conditioning and, most of all, to be able to forgive oneself and to start over, again and again.

Once is not enough; it is too superficial. To get free takes true grit. You have to be able to respect your own thoughts, to like and to love yourself enough. This is the opposite of how Raniere wanted anyone to live. He wanted to be number one and to make everyone else struggle and suffer.

First, you have to want that freedom. You have got to be able to realize that what you were calling “growth and freedom” was really living under a monstrous monster’s rules, designed to propagate his insistence that everyone live in his hell. He designed his dictatorship only for himself. He was utterly dependent upoan the group to worship him.

There was no freedom, and there was no genuine growth.

Even that comprehension isn’t going to be easy for someone as entrenched as Lauren has been to allow for herself.

It’s hard to see that Raniere’s group can even really see how deep their problems go, never mind that any of them will be showing definitively that they are trying to heal.

Many are still very likely to think that nothing has ever really been that wrong. That is how stuck many Nxivm/DOS participants appear to be, even after Raniere has been in jail for so long.

Look at Clare Bronfman, who is said to be carrying on with the mantle of Nxivm leadership still firmly attached to her self-identity.

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Heidi Hutchinson
Heidi Hutchinson
3 years ago

This is a great analysis prolly befitting most NXIANs, Shivani, but I’m not buying a word of it when it comes to any Sleazeman’s or outlaw Sleazeman-in-laws.

I’m still reeling from the news, confirmation more like, I got from Susan Dones (on camera, btw) in Dillon, SC while filming “Lost Women of NXIVM” describing Lauren’s muted, pouty reaction to the suiciding of her “friend,” Gina Hutchinson in 2002.

I also believe Lauren composed Gina’s death chart, complete with the “glass ceiling” theme used in the Clinton presidential campaign.

I also believe her brother-in-law, Ben Myers, has been and, perhaps, continues to be instrumental in tech-stalking and harassing me on and off for many years to ensure my silence especially after the Albany TU story appeared in 2012. (Although my ex, Jeff Apple,most certainly took their cue when it comes to perpetuating that himself to his own advantage.)

So at least since 2002, Lauren was well aware that the NXIVM tech and Raniere himself are deadly yet she forced it and Raniere himself on others and participated in efforts to quash his “enemies.”

That’s far beyond the blind following and self-denial you so eloquently speak of.

I’m afraid you’re too kind when it comes to Lauren.

P.S. Kristin Keeffe is also getting off too easy but at least she did leave and attempt to stop the madness while the Sleazeman’s and others perpetuated it until Camila’s nude pose at the age of 15 popped up. And, if the Sleazeman’s had any remorse at all they’d help free Camila — anyone still enthralled — by being honest about the collateral damage including Kris and Gina’s deaths, the psychotic breakdowns, the dangers that are still being peddled. They are not, they are the goats trying to blend in with the sheep.

Shivai: "How blind did Lauren have to make herself?"
Shivai: "How blind did Lauren have to make herself?"
3 years ago

What was Lauren’s reaction when she learned about Keith’s sex with underage girls? Did she ever testify about that subject?

3 years ago

Maybe NXIVM has relocated to Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana.

“EXCLUSIVE: Indiana U defends ‘Sex Fest’ featuring BDSM demos, ‘kink’ and ‘sex toys'”

Indiana University is hosting a three-day event called Sex Fest.
The second night offered BDSM demonstrations, including a man whipping a tied up woman in public.

New video and photos out of Indiana University show an individual being publicly whipped as part of a university-sponsored “sex fest.”

The Indiana University Health Center’s three-day 4th annual sex fest includes booths showcasing various sex toys and flogging mechanisms, complete with diagrams showing students how to use them. Some of the exhibits include free cupcakes and contraceptives, as well as free HIV testing, according to the Indiana Daily Student. Attendees also receive t-shirts that say “I love sex.”

Campus Reform obtained exclusive photos of other parts of the event from Wednesday night, showing tables at the event full of whips, paddles dildos, and other sexual objects. One table contained a flyer that listed different types of “nipple toys” which included a “clothespin,” “nipple pump,” “nipple lasso,” “magnetic clamp,” “adjustable clamp,” “clover clamp,” “nipple tweezer,” and “hand.”

The event is being funded by the university, according to Mr. Carney. “…the money comes largely from grants and research funding, but also two student organizations.”

Indiana U ‘Sex Fest’ featuring BDSM demos
Indiana U ‘Sex Fest’ featuring BDSM demos
3 years ago

When you are there, make sure to visit the Girls By Design booth. Miss Kristin Kreuk will be speaking and personally demonstrating BDSM tech for all ages. Miss Kreuk photos of BDSM nude poses are $200. Her standard headshot photos are only $50 and are suitable for cumming.

Ex Nex
Ex Nex
3 years ago

The person in the hat is Sara.

Balls of Fire
Balls of Fire
3 years ago

Great Balls of Fire…!…..Lauren chose her poison…..with eyes wide open……

This is really good guest, you did a good job analyzing Lauren. It will take me awhile to digest it all and then to draw some conclusions that I have gleaned from your journalistic efforts. Will post more of my thoughts on it later. Good going.


“Lauren believed what she wanted and decided to believe and what she had to want to believe, to conform”

There is so much meaning in this, especially in regards to Lauren being culpable. She deliberately, in my opinion, looked for the door or opened window that would confirm Keith’s point of view, his being all knowing, her’s falling short.

How could she admit she had been following a “false prophet” for 20 years? She couldn’t.

Scott Johnson
3 years ago
Reply to  Balls of Fire

It wasn’t just Raniere, it was her own mother, sister, and other women that contributed to her demise. Raniere by himself is rather unremarkable. However, he learned the concept of edification (group hero worship) from his Amway MLM days and applied it to NXIVM.

3 years ago
Reply to  Scott Johnson

Those family connections make it much like the FLDS, where the sister wives are so tied in that they can hardly imagine leaving. Some of those “freed” in the Texas raid ended up going back to be with family, even though that meant putting up with the polygamy.

3 years ago

“Raniere insisted that he was reluctantly having sex with others to “teach and enlighten” them with his ejaculation superpowers.” Shivani
“No one would ever be worthy, but Saint Flabturd would keep trying to help them.” Shivani

Please allow me to enlighten the Inner Circle of NXIVM.
That Inner Circle so much needs help and enlightenment.
And I won’t even ask the Inner Circle to give me Group Fellatio as compensation.

Last night just after midnight, a commenter going by the name of Anonymous, made this comment:
“To be clear, Glazer doesn’t care if he wins or loses”

This statement is patently absurd.
Glazer and his team of eight attorneys cares very much about winning.
The suit Glazer filed is basically a tort or personal injury suit using the laws against sex trafficking and human trafficking as well as laws against forced labor, peonage and battery.

The plaintiffs probably hired Glazer on a contingency basis where the bigger their reward, the bigger the compensation for Glazer and the other lawyers.

The RICO law allows Glazer to consolidate all of the charges against all of the defendants and treat NXIVM as a giant Super Conspiracy.
Basically all of the plaintiffs are suing all of the defendants.
That means Nicki Clyne is responsible for all of the crimes of all of her co-defendants.
Allison Mack is responsible for all of the crimes of all of her co-defendants.
Lauren Salzman is responsible for all of the crimes of all of her co-defendants.
Sara Bronfman is responsible for all of the crimes of all of her co-defendants.
Clare Bronfman is responsible for all of the crimes of all of her co-defendants.
Nancy Salzman is responsible for all of the crimes of all of her co-defendants.
Keith Raniere, the Vanguard, the World’s third Dumbest Man, is responsible for all of the crimes of all of his co-defendants.

On top of that damages under the civil provisions of RICO are TREBLED.

So once Nicki Clyne is bankrupted Glazer will go after Allison Mack.
Once Allison Mack is bankrupted it goes up the chain to Lauren Salzman, Sara Bronfman, Clare Bronfman, Nancy Salzman , and the Big Turd himself Keith Raniere.

Since Raniere kept no property in his name he is almost immune in the civil suit.
But his punishment will be having his new boyfriends tearing him a new anus every night.

The Inner Circle of NXIVM should learn that in life the people who will inflict the most harm on you are your so-called friends.

Let’s examine the case of that Great Thespian Allison Mack.
Once Ms. Mack is found guilty in the civil suit of sex trafficking, human trafficking, forced labor, peonage and battery as well as racketeering, how many movie and TV studios want to cast her in future media projects?
Corporate America is about reducing risks and nothing is riskier than hiring a sex trafficker and slave master.

But if the Inner Circle of NXIVM needs shelter, the streets of Los Angles are always welcoming to the homeless, if you don’t mind the rats carrying bubonic plague.

Scott Johnson
3 years ago

Raniere was just a misunderstood man who was ahead of his time:

3 years ago
Reply to  Scott Johnson

Read about the Muslim Prophet Mohammed or the Mormon Prophet Joseph Smith.
Mohammed had eleven wives and numerous slave girls and Joseph Smith had numerous “Sister Wives.”

There is nothing new under the Sun.

Scott Johnson
3 years ago

I don’t need to read about Muslims or Mormons, I am aware of their beliefs. One was a horny guy who baked in the hot sun for 40 years before coming up with his brain-damaged “religion” that encouraged sex with young girls. The other was a horny upstate New York guy who endured long, cold, and dark winters before inventing a”religion” to get more underage “action.” This is a godless effort to promote pedophilia, just like Raniere. The Ted Talks and Raniere didn’t even attempt to hide their perverse ideas behind a “religion.” Apples and orangutans, Mr. Shadow. Back to the library for you. LOL

3 years ago
Reply to  Scott Johnson

Typical Trump supporter, a Tex-ass and ignorant just like him.

Trump is now on what, his third wife? Before that he was grabbin’ the “wimmin folk” by the pussy without even asking, and jetting off to Epstein’s island to hook up with underage females.

Scott Johnson
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Trump’s marital and sex life history was well-known before he was elected over the worst candidate who ever ran for President, Hellary THE Horrible. LOL

Which are you equating Trump to, the Muslims/Mormons, NXIVM, or both? LOL

Also, as far as jetting off to see Jeffrey’s Island, you’re thinking of Slick Willy Clinton. You know, Hellary THE Horrible’s hubby? LOL

Old Testament too
Old Testament too
3 years ago

In biblical times it was common to find the custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time. The truth is that the story of polygamy in the Old Testament is, well, a problem. By Genesis 4, you have Cain’s son Lamech taking two wives. Moses had two wives as well.

3 years ago

Dependent Personality DISORDER
(Maybe, Maybe not. )

Inability to make decisions, even everyday decisions like what to wear, without the advice and reassurance of others

Avoidance of adult responsibilities by acting passive and helpless; dependence on a spouse or friend to make decisions like where to work and live

Intense fear of abandonment and a sense of devastation or helplessness when relationships end; a person with DPD often moves right into another relationship when one ends.

Oversensitivity to criticism

Pessimism and lack of self-confidence, including a belief that they are unable to care for themselves

Avoidance of disagreeing with others for fear of losing support or approval

Inability to start projects or tasks because of a lack of self-confidence

Difficulty being alone

Willingness to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others

Placing the needs of their caregivers above their own

Tendency to be naive and to fantasize

Balls of Fire
Balls of Fire
3 years ago
Reply to  Paul

I agree in that there is a deeper pathology here in regards to Lauren’s motivations to continually follow her Vanguard when she clearly admits she had mental and emotional conflicts in doing so….according to her expansive testimony…Hummm

Scott Johnson
3 years ago
Reply to  Balls of Fire

The deeper “pathology” is being immersed in NXIVM’s f*cked up ideas for two decades.

Nice Gal
Nice Gal
3 years ago
Reply to  Scott Johnson

I would also think her mother’s position of power in the organization also didn’t help Lauren. It’s often been said Nancy didn’t know about DOS but Nancy did know how to get into everybody’s head and manipulate them; keep them compliant. I don’t think we’ve heard the full story about just how much Nancy knew about everyone and how she used that information against them.

Scott Johnson
3 years ago
Reply to  Nice Gal

We know enough about all of the Salzmans to know they are pure evil.

About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” Parlato was also credited in the Starz docuseries "Seduced" for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Additionally, Parlato’s coverage of the group OneTaste, starting in 2018, helped spark an FBI investigation, which led to indictments of two of its leaders in 2023.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premiered on May 22, 2022. Most recently, he consulted and appeared on Tubi's "Branded and Brainwashed: Inside NXIVM," which aired January, 2023.

IMDb — Frank Parlato

Contact Frank with tips or for help.
Phone / Text: (305) 783-7083


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