Raniere’s Love Letter to Woman He Tried to Destroy

I have made it a point to mention that Keith Raniere, The Vanguard,has frequently turned on those he promised to love and cherish.

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It is shocking really to read the love letter (below) Keith Raniere wrote to Toni Natalie, the woman he sued, the woman he tried to lure to Mexico to have arrested and the woman he spent a ton of  Bronfman money to get her indicted.

He did not always hate her.

Once he promised to love her and care for her forever.

Such is the value of his word.

Here is the love letter he once wrote to the woman he has tried to destroy. It is long but revealing. Later we shall describe how he treated the woman he wrote this letter to.

For followers of Raniere, you might compare his honeyed words to you today with the words he wrote to a woman he said he once could not live without….

 

5/12/99

Dear Toni, This letter is meant for the person I refer to as “Sweetheart”. My Sweetheart was a joyous, loving being – a fighting angelthat upheld the right, no matter how hard, and had the strength to do whatever it took. My Sweetheart swore on the life of her son that she would never hurt me, leave me and would be loyal to me – no matter what happened. My Sweetheart swore that she had grown from the first time she experienced this lesson and would keep a diary in remembrance in case she needed strength. My Sweetheart loves children and wanted another of her own, loves music, art, intelligence, learning and all that is good. My Sweetheart swore toprotect me at all costs and truly understood the difficulty of the task I undertook. She was so grateful to be my partner, and my other part, to bring dreams to reality. She loved the mission, ESP and teaching – and we had some wonderful times together. She loved the soft caresses and the deep connection we had through our eyes. She recognized there was no one else for her and experienced the true feeling of completion when she opened herself to me. We had a dance where we held hands and I would sing to her as she held her head up against mine. It is to this person I write – if she is still alive. If not, may this serve as a tribute to a perfect love once experienced.

You may also want to look at the pictures enclosed. Two of them were taken in August, the other one was taken in February – although you were the same weight, look at the difference in glow, happiness and energy. Which would you rather be? Sweetheart was in August – you are now even further off than February!

Ideally letter below is to be read alone, in privacy, while the enclosed tape is playing – it is also preferred if the accompanying rose is visible and fragrant. The whiteness of the rose symbolizes pure love. The tape contains the song Moonlight Sonata (first movement) played 2 different ways twice. This means the song repeats 4 times. I apologize to Beethoven ahead of time for my unorthodox method of play and the poor quality of this copy.Sweetheart should note that the original is available to her (as well as the artist) if she is listening. Such a rendition would best be experienced in Shutters or Coeur D’Alene. So please, go to a private place alone, set the rose, turn down the lights, put on the tape and listen to me play to you as you read this letter. I hope that our 8 years together mean enough to you to afford us this last embrace…

Dear Sweetheart, you may now understand for the first time truly how I love you. Although you have wronged me more than you will ever wrong anyone else, I still offer my hand to you. Who else would ever be so committed, so loyal? Ask yourself if anyone put in my position would still be there for you?

My Sweetheart, let me explain my understanding: When you first came back after Mark G. and your wrong-doings around him, I showed you how wonderful and complete our relationship could be. I told you that you could have absolutely everything you wanted once you grew. I pledged- at all costs – to help you do this: overcome your neediness and open your heart through growth. I did not tell you exactly what growth was because it was something that had to come from you. Now I will explain. Growth was simply 3 things: 1. you had to open your heart and give as much as you took, you would then never be dependent on others or need others to do things for you (Be “do for s”) to make you feel good. 2. you had to apologize sincerely for what you had done. 3. You needed to learn to trust yourself so you could trust me completely.

I gave you the name “Tookie” so that you might realize the first thing and waited patiently over the years for the day when you would say “Oh Keith, I am truly sorry about what I did, I was wrong.” At that point, the world would stand still and all would transform to your perfect relationship. Relating to trust, at this point I can also tell you what I could not tell you while we were together. I was always faithful to our relationship (funny enough, your brother asked me this) But if I told you or if I did not leave room for doubt you could never learn to trust, you see, if you know something it is not trust, it is knowledge.

As the years passed I had to give you less and less hoping to wean you of the “taking” addiction. This is the way I knew this test would come in 5 to 6 years from the Mark G. incident (remember I said you could grow overnight, But if you didn’t, it would take 5 to 6 years for another test of your trustworthiness and loyalty to come about). Over the past year, our relationship had come to the point where I was no longer giving to you more than you were giving to me (how much have you truly given to me in the past year?). This was in the hopes that we could finally connect through equal mutual exchange. An additional factor was my telling you less and less about my whereabouts and activities (in actuality, our relationship was never violated). This was done so that you would eventually face me or finally trust me. Oh Sweetheart, I know how lonely you must have felt and I also know much your need to “take” made you feel unfulfilled and unsupported (you said so yourself).

But, feeding this addiction could not make it better, it had to be overcome. I have always taken care of you whether you knew it or not. If you look back, when things got rough, didn’t it always somehow work out? Just when money or resources were needed, didn’t I just happen to make them come into being? I could not let you know how much I actually did behind the scenes because then I would have been feeding your “taking” addiction. But if you look closely, you will see that somehow things always seemed to work out and if you carefully traced them back, you will find they most often came from me. But now you have run away and hid and are too scared to come back. Would Dagny do this?

I believe that when you felt so alone and unsupported you chose not to fight your addiction but give in to it. At first, you spoke negatively about me to Scott and this is when my Sweetheart began to die. This gathered sympathy and you bonded negatively with him. This made you feel understood and strong, But actually my Sweetheart was now trapped in an ever-increasing downward spiral. Oh honey, this was one of those times where you had to help yourself – you were so sad and I was sad with you but I could not let you know. Speaking negatively to Scott about me is what is known as an “overt” in Dianetics and it has another effect of separating you from me (destroying us). With each negative statement, you bonded with him and pulled away from me – you also became increasingly angry with me (this is another effect of overts – you speak against someone, then you become angry at them to justify speaking against them.) Additionally, Scott served you well. This fed into the “taking” addiction and made you feel supported and valuable. Sadly, I understood but refused to do what was easy – I insisted on doing what was right. I could have served you to keep you. But I knew this would actually hurt you and your inner strength. So I sacrificed “us” for you – Because your true happiness was (and is) a higher value than any dependency relationship between us. It was important you loved me for what I was – not what I did for you.

The next step was your initiation of the sexual relationship between yourself and Scott. When I first knew this, I had hoped you would  overcome your defiance, anger and spite (these were caused by your increasing disloyalty towards me/us) and open your heart. I even asked you if you wanted to end our personal relationship!l

You refused. I also knew the longer your affair went on, the more you would have to justify it and make yourself believe it was good,you even convinced yourself you could not possibly love me if you were having an affair. As you see, this reasoning is not true, you had also started hiding more and more things (money etc.) and with each act against me/us, you became angrier with me. I continued to hope Nancy [Salzman] could help you open your heart. But you were too angry with me over your betrayal. You immersed yourself inunnecessary debt and many unnecessary hours of work spending more and more time with Scott and justifying a way to carve me out of your life. Unfortunately, you did not understand how deeply I cared, you did not need to steal from me or carve me out of your life to protect yourself. You assumed I would treat you as you would have treated me under similar circumstances. This is just not so. It is important to note you do not trust people because youcannot be trusted (this is also proven by your actions). Remember, I trust everyone (including you) because I can’t imagine a person- being untrustworthy. This is because I am very trustworthy. After what you have done to Nancy, myself and others, this second time your loyalty and honor was tested, there is only one way you can ever trust yourself again, you have to make right your worst wrongs. If you don’t, you will never know if you can lead a trustworthy life. If you were the judge of your wrongs, to right them would be impossibly hard. But you are dealing with people who think differently than you. You remember the anger and spite with which you did these actions – this was so intense, you imagine it to be impossible to undo. When you deal with compassionate people, if you take way the ‘intensity of emotion, the actions maybe are not that bad and possibly easier to rectify than you can imagine.

On the day of our last phone call, when you made it clear you did not want to respect me, and were going to take Nancy’s money inappropriately, I contemplated our future. I knew I could not support your behavior (you knew this also, that’s why you picked the fight so we would separate). I knew of your relationship with Scott and I knew of your hiding of business and money. I thought, “Will she ever break out of this downward spiral? Can this person on the other end of the phone be the mother of Alyx? Will she ever have the strength to overcome all of these justifications and anger toward me to take her place as my other part?” The answer to these questions was “most likely no.” So at that moment, I gave up hope in my ability to change the situation and I surrendered “us” to the universe to see what would happen. I later discovered this path leads to not very nice things for you and it appears my Sweetheart may well go to jail. I pray this does not happen but I don’t think my Sweetheart has anyone to help her where she is. I think she is now alone and trapped. There is only one thing worse than a life where you have to right all of your wrongs… a life where you don’t!

I don’t know if you see this as a knight in shining armor coming to rescue you or Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate coming to the church on a motorcycle or just a fond farewell. Whatever you are going through in life, it is always better to have a person of true strength and ability to help. I know I can help. Easily. No matter what happens, I will always have fond memories of that portion of life we shared.

I would like to meet with you secretly – no one that either of us knows can know about it. I am going to give you a clue that only you and I know. There is a good chance you won’t remember this (I really hope you do). If anyone else is reading this letter (and outof honor and respect for me, us and our past I hope you keep them away) you can pretend you don’t know the clue even if you do. The clue will give you a time to call me – no one else will know. I will also provide a phone number that only you have. This number will only be operational right around the time you should call.

The clue is: we were in a casino, and the announcer was speaking of Belgium. . .” the next word he said is the clue word (gosh, I hope you get this.) Take the 3rd letter of the clue word and find the time to call me follows: “a” is 1 pm, “B” is 2pm, “c” is 3pm, “d’ is 4pm, “e” is 5pm etc. (just continue the pattern if necessary).

(illegible) tomorrow, Thursday, at that time. The phone number is 461-8384. Do not let anyone know. I will not let anyone know.

We can then make arrangements to meet. Please have Sweetheart call and nobody else.

I know how so, so tired you must be. Sweetheart, it does not have to be this way. Circumstances may be hard but sometimes I can provide a little magic (and sometimes a whole lot more) that helps make things OK. We had so much to build together (remember negotiating at shows, remember how great it was!) I continue to build yet without you at my side. We also have so many memories to cherish. I will forever miss my Sweetheart so much. Each night, I meet with her and we hold hands and Oh, how we danced (my mother sang this too!). I hope my Sweetheart calls. If not, then shall I dance with my Sweetheart forever in my dreams, but never again in real life shall we touch for my Sweetheart will no longer exist.

You once spoke the words of the Immortal Beloved to me, you swore on the life of your son that it was thus. Could these words ever apply to anyone else but us?

My angel, my all, my very self… .my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us – I can live only wholly with you or not at all… Be calm – love me – today – yesterday – what tearful longings for you – you – you – my life – my all – farewell.  Oh continue to love – never misjudge the most faithful heartof your Beloved.

Ever thine

Ever mine

Ever ours


			

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