Nicki Clyne
By Nicki Clyne
I have changed my position on Keith Raniere. I no longer believe he is a man of noble character, as I once did.
I also do not believe he considered my best interests or helped me achieve the goals for which I sought his guidance.
I have come to certain realizations about my past decisions and views, which leave me with no choice but to renounce the man who influenced them. I will no longer publicly support or try to free him for these and many other reasons.
I do not believe my intentions were false or impure, but the methods I followed were misguided.
From a young age, I have felt that what we perceive in a material sense is only a fraction of what we can experience spiritually. I read about spiritual quests in books, and men and women who seemed to have attained a higher state of consciousness.
I knew I wanted that, but had no idea how to attain it — or where to start.
When I first met Keith Raniere, at 23 years old, through his educational programs and as the leader of an organization, I perceived him to have a knowledge of humanity and spirituality that could help me on my quest to find my higher self.
He quickly convinced me he knew better than anyone how to achieve or become what I sought.
He once asked me what single question I would ask an omniscient being if I could, to which I replied: “Who am I?”
He then asked me what my biggest fear was concerning him. I said I feared that he would want to sleep with me.
So, when he inevitably encouraged our sexual union, I assumed it was to help me overcome my biggest fears and attachments.
Little did I know that this would lead to 16 years of suffering, self-rejection, and the sacrifice of my own wants, desires, and priorities. I say this not for sympathy, and I am not seeking retribution. I have no one to blame but myself and my myopic view that Keith was the ultimate guide for my spiritual advancement.
I persuaded myself that Keith’s abusive treatment was part of the path to the freedom I was seeking. Instead, through calculated deception, he taught me to doubt myself, distrust my intuition, believe myself unworthy, and, most of all, he taught me to fear him unconditionally.
With more than a tinge of embarrassment, I’ll admit that I thought Keith had supernatural powers. I thought my weaknesses and failures to meet his expectations were a constant burden for him, and for which I carried enormous guilt. All I could hope to do, in repentance, was subjugate my own needs in an effort to repair my seemingly insurmountable “ethical breach.” This often meant engaging in sex at his whim, supposedly for my spiritual benefit, only to be dismissed and disposed of immediately after his sexual gratification. Any discontent or lack of feigned enthusiasm was met with disapproval and the notion that I was a drain on his generous spirit — even going so far as suggesting that my negativity could be fatal for him.
I was meant to be “happy,” so I put on a happy face. At least, I tried. I felt eternally indebted to what I perceived as his noble generosity and assumed I would spend my lifetime trying to make up for the misdeeds he was constantly bringing to my attention.
I am not writing this with anger or regret. For whatever reason, this was a path I chose.
My recent realizations were facilitated by a man I once feared, the person I considered my biggest enemy and the reason for my life’s destruction, the author of the prolific blog, The Frank Report. Frank Parlato has been blamed and applauded for taking down Keith Raniere and NXIVM. For years, I resented and feared him.
I have come to see now that he was not my enemy, not even then. I believe he attacked Keith Raniere in part in self-defense and because he believed Keith was pretending to be good while wreaking havoc and harming innocent people, including and especially those who earnestly came to him for help.
Frank’s motivation was not some conspiracy to ruin a good man, as I previously thought.
It’s implausible to believe that the long trail of Keith’s victims over several decades, many who had no connection to one another, were all lying and seeking illicit rewards.
Frank’s rigorous investigation into Keith and NXIVM allowed me to re-evaluate my views and my own experience in such a way that it is irrefutable.
It is five years since Keith Raniere lost his worldly freedom. I was present for this event, and even being raided by heavily armed Mexican Federales was not enough to shake me from my delusion. Additionally, the personal betrayals by people I thought were my friends, and much of the exaggerated, and sometimes false, anti-NXIVM rhetoric, only led me to be more committed to my defense of Keith and my view that there was injustice.
Apart from Keith himself, I felt a moral obligation to a community of people I knew to be good and well-intended.
While I put on an outward appearance of strength and steadfast dedication, there was a part of me that secretly hoped Keith would never be released from prison.
I prayed that Keith would let me go in peace once all legal remedies were exhausted to free him. But, until now, I couldn’t conceive of leaving him without a lifetime of guilt and shame.
During the five years since he was arrested, I was determined not to be swayed by any material interest: not money, not fame, not relief from prosecution, not salvaging my reputation, not even pleasing the people close to me.
In public, I was consistent in my message that Keith was a deeply misunderstood character and that the NXIVM community’s intentions were good. Within myself, there were so many things I could not reconcile.
Despite my disillusionment with Keith, I am still concerned with some of the methods used by the prosecution in his case. Through my experiences these past years, I have gained insight into the inequities of the criminal justice system and the often inhumane conditions of incarceration in America. I intend to continue my advocacy for the humane treatment of people in prison and promote a fairer system of justice.
If it is true, as credible experts have claimed, that the FBI was complicit in fabricating evidence to convict Keith Raniere, I support its exposure and the holding of those responsible accountable.
However, I will not spend the rest of my days defending Keith and his choices, especially with the knowledge that so many have suffered due to his reckless conduct and selfishness.
I am grateful to everyone who has been a part of my life, most especially my mother, who has shown me unconditional love and support throughout the years, and who always trusted I would find the right path, on my terms.
I may or may not share the details of my 18 years under Keith Raniere’s deceptive leadership, but I felt it was necessary to at least make my position clear.
I look forward to what’s next and appreciate everyone who has stood by me. I hardly expect everyone to agree with my position, and that’s okay. I believe there is a way to find the good even in the most challenging and detrimental circumstances, and we are far better doing that than lamenting the past and playing the victim.
I plan to share further thoughts on this soon.
[A previous version of this statement was published saying Nicki Clyne was in a relationship with Keith Raniere for 18 years. It has since been updated to say 16 years because it was 18 years ago that she joined ESP, but she started a relationship with Raniere in 2007.)
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[…] Nicki Clyne Leaves Keith Raniere – her statement […]
I want to be branded with “The Frank Report” as close to my genitals as possible.
lol FBI entrapment.
seriously…still delusional even in this statement.
Everyone makes mistakes, you and others wanted to make the world better, that’s not a bad thing unfortunately a very manipulative man was able to take advantage of that. Not the first group to fall for this and probably won’t be the last (just look at the latest U.S election results) .
Stay strong & please learn from your mistakes, even if the main thing you learn is listening to your gut.
I loved you on BSG, and you are a good person. Good people too often fall under the influence of manipulators, as they cannot imagine people would actually behave like that. Excuses are made for them, which should not be.
Life is a path, a path only we ourselves can choose the direction of, shaped also by those around us. What you sought was always in yourself, and will always be there, waiting for you. And there are no answers. Only to be. You were already there all along.
Keep that golden smile and aura, and i wish you all the best.
Nasty people will always attack you now, sensing weakness, and pretending they are good people by so doing. They are wrong – but you already know that.
Blessed be, sister Nicki. Hugs. xxx
In the Quiet of Her Stars
In the quiet of her stars,
She found a voice that few could hear,
A whisper wrapped in silver scars,
A dream that danced on edges near.
She played a role, a warrior bold,
On screens where battles raged and turned,
Yet off the stage, a story told,
Of fires stoked and bridges burned.
Through shadows deep, she forged her way,
A path where few would dare to tread,
In choices made, both dark and gray,
She sought the light where truth had fled.
Her heart, a compass spinning wild,
In search of north through storm and gale,
She stood alone, a lost child,
In echoes where the strong prevail.
But in the quiet of her stars,
She found a peace, a softer glow,
A voice that healed her deepest scars,
A strength that only she could know.
This poem reflects the duality of public and private life, the challenges of navigating one’s identity, and the pursuit of inner peace amidst external chaos.
It’s so insane what pressure of society, pressure of trends, pressure of keeping up with your peers can do to any one. When your living the high life you never take anything serious that those you believe are not on your level, will say. Big lessons learned, but don’t let it stop you from being who you were meant to be. You need no one to be the greatest you, any one offering to make you or show you how to be a better you is looking for something in return. Screw these cheerleader organizations, you already know how to be the best you, now go do it.
Your awesome Nicki, nothing but best wishes for you.
[…] Nicki Clyne Leaves Keith Raniere – her statement […]
[…] Nicki Clyne Leaves Keith Raniere – her statement […]
It is strange; l clicked into this link to your statement of disavowment thinking the “why” of it all matters….the why in and the why out as it were. But coming to the end of your statement and reading a smattering of the subsequent posts, l have come to realize that l truly could give a (explitive). I can count on one hand how many times l have felt compelled to leave a comment, and find it strange that l am doing so now….but….here l am. Yes the narrative is important, leat we repeat the disastrous path. And yes for many of us we can look at the situation and readily admit “there but for the grace of God go I”. But honestly….l believe none of it will matter….the documentaries and countless articles examining every aspect of this story….why…because we are actually wired to repeat….so we are compelled to repeat…we cannot Not scratch that itch to repeat. So while your statement seems thorough and soulful and maybe even altruistic….it really is none of anyone’s business and is, quite frankly, representative of our ridiculous need for validation and our incessant lust for anything to help us avoid our very real and very immediate decent. And so…thanks for nothing at all…our new, and fast becoming old, favourite thing.
I wonder what specifically made her “wake up” after all this time? I hope she shares more because it will absolutely help the others. She needs to see herself as brave and I also hope she doesn’t hide in embarrassment. It is monumental that she has come out of it after all this time. Everyone that comes forward will help this process for others. But the only thing I take issue with is she still thinks the FBI needed to fabricate evidence. Just read the indictment and the court transcripts. The information is completely corroborated but many witness and shows. He did coerce, racketeer, manipulate. Not to mention what was done with underage kids. That alone is enough. Good Job Frank! I am sure this road has not been easy and it takes a warrior to not let them win.
Good for you for “waking up” to this manipulative monster. At the conclusion of watching the Vow, my fiancé and I had a brief conversation hoping that you would see the light. The world wishes you nothing but the best. Glad you’re moving forward. Happy for you 🙂
Having watched a couple of the Dossier Project vids a while back, it’s great to hear you’re gaining new perspective regarding your years within the NXIVM world. I think everyone involved is deserving of the space and time to come to terms with his/her experience in their own way.
I’m so happy for you and proud of your strength. I hope you’re on a path of healing and recovery and want you to know your worth in this world. Every time a woman sticks up for herself, it clears the way for future women to do so, as well!
I’m glad you are finally seeing the truth. But you are misguided in your statements about the case and the FBI. You don’t have the educational background or experience to comment on such matters, and FYI- when the FBI gets involved in a case as big as this one, the work is unimpeachable. Why don’t you focus on your first hand experience as a person who was involved in a cult for 18 years?
I cant imagine having the career that most of us will never ever come close to having and throwing it away on a gross man like Kieth. Who promised them NOTHING but “you be loyal to me, but I wont be loyal to you and you will be NICE about it!” SCUM OF THE EARTH! I had men like this in my life when I was young and inexperienced, I am not going to say that this is uncommon in men… It is sadly VERY common. But to not have a way out, to be isolated, to have all the people around you tell you that your issue with it is unethical is horrible. He makes me physically ill. And the company was actually doing well and doing alot of good for people and he turned it into this. And HOW DID THOSE WOMEN DIE????? And Michele Hatchette is AWFUL.. Still to this day, she is awful. And effed in the head.
I hope you have truly woken up Nicki. I hope your healing and free.
I dont get how someone who has everything going for them fell for this scam please explain that
Reading this while watching the final episode of The Vow Part II gives it a nice sheen of creepy covered bullshit.
Nicki, remember this, if nothing else- you are valid, you are worthy. Of success. Of love. Of life. Being alive means we are ever changing. Every day is an opportunity for change. You are so strong to have come so far and I know you still have farther yet to go. You don’t need Keith or anyone else to do great things in this world. You have your word. You are a skilled and efficient writer! Use your gift. BE THE CHANGE! Now that you have found your voice again- not Keith’s parroting, YOUR voice- use it. Do some good. Write. Keep telling your story.
And, while your hopes for more humane treatment of incarcerated criminals like Keith are …noble .. I urge you to start closer to home. Advocate for your fellow ex-DOS/NXVIM members, keep trying to reach those still in and support those still healing now that they are out. Most of all, look after yourself and give yourself space and time and patience. Healing, like happiness, is an inside job.
Much luck and best wishes.
“Keith, you are going away forever, can I have your money?” , “NO”. “WHAT AM I DOING HERE!!!”
Good for you, kid. I hope you can get your life back. But I don’t think the FBI fabricated the pictures of that 15 year old girl.
Or her victim impact statement that corroborates the state’s case.
I’m happy your journey has brought you here. I hope you continue to find your peace, and help others find theirs. You can’t make up for your past, all you can do is create a better future.
[…] Raniere until March of this year – publicly broke with him and his remaining followers. She announced her departure on Frank Report on March 27, and on April 2, she named 30 controversies connected to him, which she […]
Ah now I understand why she finally “saw the light”
Some people are just dumb and follow dumb. Blind leading the blind. You were wrong, did wrong, followed wrong. You should try helping all the victims. All of you need to come together and admit wrong doings and Apologize to 9ne another. Only then can you all move on.
I think it’s great you moved past what you thought was real into an actual reality. He hurt a lot of people. There was a good message in it at firt , I think. I would have been fooled. But when someone takes a mind altering status to subject people to horrors, it is no longer empowering…it isn’t even healthy. I can say honestly after seeing you on a few documentary series that I did dislike you. You villianized victims and refused to see what was there. I hope you find peace with yourself and stop worrying about his. He made this hell, he can live in it.
Nicki– this makes my heart so incredibly happy. I am so happy you have found both physical and mental freedom from this truly evil, twisted man and that you’re on your path toward complete healing and reclaiming your life for YOU. It takes guts, and lots of ’em. You go girl.
[…] Clyne left, making an announcement on Frank Report, she closed down the website, […]
Congratulations Nicki! It is hard. My heart goes out to you. I was part of a group called The Source Within (Maureen Becker) and it was so similar. Took years to see they are all similar recipes for the same thing, wealth for one. And ultimately an insecure narcissist who preys on the walking wounded. My grand-ma would say “there is a special place in hell for them.” I am not sure. But I think being them is pretty awful and that is why they try to drag us down with them. So be your awesome self! You have an inner light that he saw. I see it. Get back there. You deserve love, happiness and all the good things!
[…] that Raniere was innocent. (Clyne has since released a statement saying that she has “changed my position” on the convicted […]
The fog has lifted
So happy to hear this! As I watched the documentaries, it was heartbreaking that you and the other four were still “by his side.”
I hope you are able to find complete healing!
Hi Nicky, I watched and also commented on a few of your YouTubes. Happy to read you are taking the first step towards freedom… which is also the last step. Between one thought and another – you can be free to leave anything you were in the past. You don’t have to justify anything to anyone anymore. Now… it’s just you and your truth… you don’t have to tell… you don’t have to write… you don’t have to… you just don’t have to.
—
There is only one small tip, take if you want, don’t take if you don’t want… Keith Raniere was selfish because he was fake. He wanted to be seen as a selfless person. And this was big trouble. Be selfish in the right way… so that you combine what pleases you with what is beneficial for others. Love is not pain. Fear is pain. And fear is the opposite of love. Love is a non-judgmental acceptance of all that is. inside and outside.
—
Lots of love.
This is a lot. But I am happy you are starting to draw your own conclusions. I hope you get therapy with a LICENSED practitioner to truly deconstruct every bit of the indoctrination. I hope you can mold your own identity and your own moral compass! Good Luck.
Way to go, Nicki! I’m been following your journey via the documentaries and your YouTube stuff. I wish you the best moving forward, and would be interested in better understanding your change of heart. 💜
Nicki…we’ve cared about you since BSG. Know that you’re loved fully and truly. Be free of this now. Live your life with no codependence or illusions than anyone on the planet has your answers. Much love ABA
Nicki…we’ve cared about you since BSG. Know that you’re loved fully and truly. Be free of this now. Live your life with no codependence or illusions than anyone on the planet has your answers. Much love ABA
So many cults are lead by repulsive people that are repugnant not magnetic. By any standard, Keith is unkempt, pudgy and grossly unattractive. He spoke in ridiculous circles yet never said one thing that was novel or revolutionary or compelling. The videos of him are absolute gobbledygook. I am baffled all these people wasted so many precious days “working” on themselves instead of a mastering a job or doing real philanthropy at the behest of such a total and complete loser. At the least he gave many of them herpes and manipulated many to forego meaningful, egalitarian relationships with others. At the worst he stole, abused, enslaved and tortured. I hope it doesn’t take you 16 years to shake his perverse methods and that you can just live, live without overthinking absolutely everything. It wasn’t a vision quest. It was just a play to never let anyone be successful.
I would buy your book in a heartbeat. I’m happy you are on your way to finding your true self. Blessings to you.
It is never too late to leave an abusive relationship. And it does take immense courage to push through that fear. I’m so happy that you have reclaimed your life Nicki. You deserve true fulfillment just like all the others who were abused on a mass scale by this diabolical perversion of a human.
Good for you Nicki!
[…] terminated that relationship – and renounced my involvement with Raniere and NXIVM. See “Nicki Clyne Leaves Keith Raniere: Her Statement,” THE FRANK REPORT, (March 27, […]
Congratulations Nicki, you’ll never regret leaving that terrible group.
I want to thank you and Frank for publishing this extraordinarily honest statement – it gives me hope that others in similar groups can find their way out too.
I do think you are being too hard on yourself though. Raniere was an extremely unfair opponent. I don’t think anyone can be adequately prepared for the unconscionable manipulations you were subjected to. I still struggle to comprehend the depths of callousness in characters like him, who are so ruthlessly self-aggrandizing – and their remarkable skills in pinpointing vulnerabilities and relentlessly exploiting them.
Best wishes for your continued recovery.
I knew this would happen eventually and that her eyes would be open and was the spell was broken, there is no going back. I thought it would take a lot more time than it has. I’m relieved for her sake that she has woken up while she is still young and hasn’t given her whole life to him unlike women like Pam etc. I hope Nikki is able to move on and have her own family and no longer has to sacrifice all of her personal goals to Keith Raniere and his pathetic need to control women.
Ignore the thoughtless and unkind comments here. They don’t see how courageous it is to publicly change your mind and be truthful with yourself in such an exposed way. Envelop yourself with compassion, from others and from yourself.
What is wrong with all these women? Hanging around for twenty years waiting for some dude to knock you up and live happily ever after with while he bangs all their friends? Talk about dumb. Gosh.
Only thing that changed nicki bobbleheads mind was dollar signs too big to pass up. That shit ain’t brave its weak as water. She also needa eat a sandwich 🥪. Frank starving her out.
I hope you know it, or come to realize that you are a victim of Keith. There is nothing wrong with the feelings that are associated with being hurt in this way. Acknowledging you are a victim worthy of feeling anger, grief and sadness is a part of the healing journey. You are also worthy of compassion and forgiveness. Sending you love.
I wish you peace on your healing journey. Having followed this case I have such empathy for those who were led astray by this narcissistic man.
I am truly happy for you and look forward to you living your life now on your terms. You have so much to offer. Hopefully others follow you .
Good you found yourself
This is great news, but I would think you would remove your social media posts stating how he has been ‘wronged’ by the DOJ and shut down that ridiculous conversation. He’s guilty. Let him rot
I’m absolutely thrilled by the news! (Yes, I have been painfully slow to catch up) This is major. Mad respect for Nicki, Frank and all the FR crew!
Thinking about you Nicki 💜 sending you love, support, strength, and friendship now and always.
Hi Nicki! I am truly happy for you! I hope you are gentle with yourself and you have people who can hold tight.
(Also, you blocked me on Twitter, so I’m glad I found this place to leave this little message)
I am so happy for you. At the same time I’m concerned. You let go of the trapeze without a net. You may be falling for quite some time. It’ll be okay, there are a sea of hands raised ready to catch you. Just believe in yourself for a change. You can give Jesus a shot, or Buddha (like me), or Allah, Jehovah, Jah, Brahma, loads of them.
Avoid. The Lighthouse international, Paul Waugh newest cult. Mooji, Osho, and others that will crop up here from time to time.
What were you good at? I’ve never seen your acting, were you any good at it?
Wow. All the new people you are going to get to know. It’s exciting. Now you’ve let go of the trapeze love can get to you. When you hang onto something for too long, you forget what it was like not to. Enjoy forgetting.
All our very best
Thank you for sharing your insights, as painful as they were to earn. I encourage you to move away from victim blaming yourself- you are not solely responsible; what happened to you was abuse and manipulation, which are not your fault. The concepts of responsibility and sovereignty are misused by narcissists to actually make us feel at fault for everything that ever happens, and thus we never direct our anger at the abuser. I should have known better, it was my choice.. but that’s not how coercive control works. Wishing you self live and compassion on your journey
So glad you have accessed your warrior self- to come back after so many years of coercive control/narcissistic abuse is almost an impossible thing, but you have taken the leap of faith and landed again . I wish you peace and strength as you rebuild your life .You are inspiring so many others who are stuck in cults and abusive relationships-
I am so happy for you. So relieved. I have been a huge fan since Battlestar Galactica and it was hard to watch someone with such amazing talent and such a warm, bright spirit get caught in such a web of lies. It’s hard to watch someone who is stuck in a tunnel. You want so badly to help them. You want to save them. But you know the only way is for them to save themselves. So you have to patience wait for them at the tunnel opening, trying to keep the light going inside the tunnel so someday they find their way out. You did it! I know there is probably a long ways to go but you are out of the tunnel. Welcome back to the world!