Mathematician makes further, enlarged computations on Sultan’s devotion to Kristin Kreuk

Kristin Kreuk at Necker Island

[Editor’s note: The following, done by a mathematician, using the moniker “Behold,” once before made a marvelous computation of the volume of Sultan of Six’s devotion to actress Kristin Kreuk. In his latest post, he computes the time spent in devotional ardor to the taxpayer funded Canadian actress. Readers should understand and be aware that Behold’s calculations are based on a speculative premise that Sultan is offering his devotion in a measured and quantifiable way. This has never been positively ascertained.]

By Behold

Dearest readers;

A follow up to the article “Mathematician computes devotion Sultan has for Kristin Kreuk”.

We have already established a reasonable time frame of Sultan of Six AKA Spanky’s first spank to Kristin Kreuk (from 2005) a reasonable weekly spank estimate (twice a week) and a reasonable estimate of the amount of low testosterone jizz he has jizzed out (3.70 pounds).

Now, we will examine how long Spanky has spent actually spanking it to his dream spank.

A likely photoshopped picture of Kristin Kreuk, the object of defense of the chivalrous Sultan of Six.


An online website by the name “askmen” conducted a survey to find out the jizzing habits of 4000 men.

46% claimed they shoot their loads after 10-15 minutes of spanking.


According to research by porn website “PornHub”:

“In 2017, PornHub visitors spent nine minutes clicking through just nine pages”


This would mean hand monkeys find the porn they like and spank it raw within nine minutes. So less than ten minutes of spanking.


So what does all this mean in relation to Sultan Of Spank? .

If Spanky takes the minimal amount of spank-time to shoot out his gross load, (less than 9 minutes according to PornHub research) and 10 minutes according to the askmen survey of 4000 men, (we’ll say nine minutes) and Spanky has been spanking it TWICE weekly to Kristin Kreuk for FOURTEEN YEARS, it means Spanky has spanked it to Kristin Kreuk:

– 18 minutes a week.

– 1 Hour, 11 Minutes and 59 Seconds a month

– 14 Hours and 24 Minutes a year

– 201 Hours, 35 Minutes and 59 Seconds over fourteen years


For perspective, the Spank Phantom has spent:

8 Days, 9 Hours and 36 Minutes stroking his little banana slug to Kristin Kreuk.



And for all we know, Sultan Of Spank has spanked it to Kristin Kreuk since BEFORE 2005, MORE than twice a week and perhaps ejaculates MORE than the estimated quarter of a teaspoon of jizz every spank.


Day turns to night. Night turns to day. And that is A LOT of spanking.

The taxpayer funded actress is the object of adoration at times it seems by Sultan of Six.

About the author

Frank Parlato


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About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” Parlato was also credited in the Starz docuseries "Seduced" for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Additionally, Parlato’s coverage of the group OneTaste, starting in 2018, helped spark an FBI investigation, which led to indictments of two of its leaders in 2023.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premiered on May 22, 2022. Most recently, he consulted and appeared on Tubi's "Branded and Brainwashed: Inside NXIVM," which aired January, 2023.

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