[Editor’s note: The following, done by a mathematician, using the moniker “Behold,” once before made a marvelous computation of the volume of Sultan of Six’s devotion to actress Kristin Kreuk. In his latest post, he computes the time spent in devotional ardor to the taxpayer funded Canadian actress. Readers should understand and be aware that Behold’s calculations are based on a speculative premise that Sultan is offering his devotion in a measured and quantifiable way. This has never been positively ascertained.]
A follow up to the article “Mathematician computes devotion Sultan has for Kristin Kreuk”.
We have already established a reasonable time frame of Sultan of Six AKA Spanky’s first spank to Kristin Kreuk (from 2005) a reasonable weekly spank estimate (twice a week) and a reasonable estimate of the amount of low testosterone jizz he has jizzed out (3.70 pounds).
Now, we will examine how long Spanky has spent actually spanking it to his dream spank.
An online website by the name “askmen” conducted a survey to find out the jizzing habits of 4000 men.
46% claimed they shoot their loads after 10-15 minutes of spanking.
According to research by porn website “PornHub”:
“In 2017, PornHub visitors spent nine minutes clicking through just nine pages”
This would mean hand monkeys find the porn they like and spank it raw within nine minutes. So less than ten minutes of spanking.
So what does all this mean in relation to Sultan Of Spank? .
If Spanky takes the minimal amount of spank-time to shoot out his gross load, (less than 9 minutes according to PornHub research) and 10 minutes according to the askmen survey of 4000 men, (we’ll say nine minutes) and Spanky has been spanking it TWICE weekly to Kristin Kreuk for FOURTEEN YEARS, it means Spanky has spanked it to Kristin Kreuk:
– 18 minutes a week.
– 1 Hour, 11 Minutes and 59 Seconds a month
– 14 Hours and 24 Minutes a year
– 201 Hours, 35 Minutes and 59 Seconds over fourteen years
For perspective, the Spank Phantom has spent:
8 Days, 9 Hours and 36 Minutes stroking his little banana slug to Kristin Kreuk.
EIGHT DAYS, NINE HOURS & THIRTY-SIX MINUTES!
And for all we know, Sultan Of Spank has spanked it to Kristin Kreuk since BEFORE 2005, MORE than twice a week and perhaps ejaculates MORE than the estimated quarter of a teaspoon of jizz every spank.
Day turns to night. Night turns to day. And that is A LOT of spanking.
[…] And Mathematician makes further, enlarged computations on Sultan’s devotion to Kristin Kreuk […]
“Mathematician computes devotion Sultan has for Kristin Kreuk” is a bedazzling scholarly scientific research paper. The
author (Scott Johnson), painstakingly carried out each experiment hands on.
Scott being an ethical scientist made sure to gain first hand knowledge of all his data.
In Scott’s own words, “How else can one gather accurate data”?
How Scott was able to get around the Friction Coefficient Barrier to achieve precise calculations the scientific community will never know.
Tragically Scott developed carpal tunnel and a penis hematoma from carrying out all of the experiments himself.
A Go Fund Me page as been set up for Scott Johnson in his honor.
I was not the author, but thanks for the Go Fund Me page. What’s the link for it?
Don’t let it all go to waste!
The white stuff also contains citric acid, zinc, protein, fructose, acid, magnesium, calcium, acid phosphate.
You get the idea!
But Spanky’s low testosterone semen contains none of that stuff.
It does however have estrogen, mango chutney, diesel fuel, cumin and turmeric.
If a man indulged in masturbation thinking of Kristin Kreuk that is his prerogative but how much more worthy is Allison Mack of the best a man has to offer. Would someone please post her best cankles pictures ?
Then there’s the Repetitive Strain Injury….
Dear Frank Parlato,
Could you please post a link where the image of Kristin Kreuk baring her soul can be found? I believe I need to investigate further.
Sultan of Sixty Nine