Mathematician computes devotion Sultan has for Kristin Kreuk

Editor’s Note: A commenter using the moniker “Behold” has used his mathematical skills to determine the quantity, if not the quality, of Kristin Kreuk aficionado Sultan of Six’s devotion to the virtue signalling taxpayer funded actress. 

By Behold

Was waiting for the kettle to boil and decided to read the Frank Report and the comments.

Surprise, surprise, resident stalker “SultanOfSix”, aka “Scarrom” “Karl Basset” “Jesse” etc is still ejaculating his low testosterone semen all over the comments regarding his dream spank, Kristin “Crook/Kook” Kreuk.

That got me thinking about two of the greatest mysteries of our times, that has eluded academics, scholars and laymen all over the internet:

1) How many spanks has Spanky spanked out to Kristin Kreuk.

2) How much semen, in milliliters has he ejaculated over Kristin Kreuk.


Lets say he started to stalk and spank it to Kristin Kreuk since 2005. That seems like a reasonable time frame.

Lets assume he has spanked it TWICE WEEKLY at a minimum, every week, for FOURTEEN YEARS (God Almighty…)

That would be:

– 96 spanks a year

– 1344 spanks over the course of fourteen years.


According to a quick google search:

“When a man reaches orgasm, he ejaculates fluid called semen. On average, men expel between 1.25 and 5.00 ml (1/4 of a teaspoon to 1 teaspoon) of semen each time they ejaculate. But this amount varies from man to man.”


Lets say Spanky ejaculates the minimal amount of 1.25ml or a quarter teaspoon of low testosterone jizz, every spank.

That would be:

– 1.25ml a spank

– 2.5ml a week

– 10ml a month

– 120ml a year

– 1680ml over FOURTEEN YEARS.


That is INCREDIBLE. What a sensational feat of unrivaled, unrequited infatuation to a woman who doesn’t even know he exists.


Lets put this in perspective:

1680ml is the equivalent of:

– 1.68 LITRES of low testosterone goo

– 7.100945 CUPS of goo

– 94.60434 IMPERIAL TABLESPOONS of goo.

– 3.70 POUNDS of goo.


A round of applause please, for one of the most prolific spankers of the modern internet age:

About the author

Frank Parlato


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About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” Parlato was also credited in the Starz docuseries "Seduced" for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Additionally, Parlato’s coverage of the group OneTaste, starting in 2018, helped spark an FBI investigation, which led to indictments of two of its leaders in 2023.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premiered on May 22, 2022. Most recently, he consulted and appeared on Tubi's "Branded and Brainwashed: Inside NXIVM," which aired January, 2023.

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