By Kim Snyder
From the first moment I found out that my only sister, Kristin Marie Snyder, was missing, I realized my life would never be the same.
In fact, I realized my life would be a living hell.
Why do I say that? I realized, or suspected or intuited, more than anyone I think at the time, that this disappearance and death [yes, I thought it was death], was was not a suicide. Somehow I thought, though no one else did think so – that it was “murder”.
It just did not make sense that a bright, stable, successful woman committed suicide for no reason – other than what it said on the so-called suicide note.
There had to be a back story. But of course we were not given all the facts. We were not told that Kristin claimed, for instance, that she was pregnant with Keith’s child.
That would have changed everything.
Still, I learned she was missing. Then things started to unravel; stories didn’t make sense, and timelines didn’t add up. No one would listen to “MY CRY for HELP” however.
I as only a younger sibling. I never got to talk to the authorities, and to this day, it appears they are not working on this case.
It’s closed. It’s cold. But should this be a cold case? I don’t think so.
I really don’t understand. We have turned over all kinds of evidence to prove that this case should be reopened. The law is so slack on doing things.
The issues were compounded with things that were said to me, and to my family, at the time of Kristin’s disappearance that didn’t need or deserve to be said. This just made the air in Kris’ house much worse.
It seems that the Nxivm leaders had come up with a perfect deflection: That Kris said in some exploration of meaning therapy session that she was molested as a child. I don’t believe this is true – I don’t believe she said it and I don’t believe it ever happened.
I believe that it was a perfect ruse to put the blame on the family. Imagine how shocking this is: Keith was the molester of my sister. He was her teacher and he evidently took advantage of his position to either seduce or rape her and instead of being told this, we are told that a family member molested her – and she recalled this.
We knew it wasn’t true but we faced not only the loss of my sister but terrible ugly allegations- the mere alleging of which is enough to blacken one’s character and destory a reputation..
We spend days in Anchorage. The days dragged on; it was cold, damp, rainy—-every day that we were in Anchorage. Hope was fading, and I began to understand, that I would never touch or see my sister, Kris, again. This was very hard to swallow.
My anger was growing- and to this day, I am very angry with the guru of this group- Keith Rainere- and the confusion, as to why, instead of lying about a family member, it wasn’t told that, “Kris was telling people that she was pregnant”. This investigation could have gone in another direction back then.
There are some folks that, since the first investigation, have changed their stories, into making more sense, but their timelines are still way off.
Due to the thick air in Kris’ home, we, as a family, moved to get away from the mess that was going on. Preparing to go home, I was hoping for a miracle, some glimmer of hope, that Kris would pop up.
It didn’t happen.
Time to go home!!!! I was more than ready. I wanted more than anything to go home, but once we got home, I realized, I didn’t want to be there either. Memories were flooding, because home was where we had grown up most of our lives, and we were sisters.
Now, our sisterhood was over, and I was totally alone, to go through birthdays and holidays without my only sister. At times, I wanted to kill Keith Rainere. He had taken someone from me, that he could not replace.
As time went by, I had a lot of emotional problems that I could not explain, acting out, yelling, screaming, crying uncontrollably. I finally realized, not only did the devil have control of me, but Keith was in control of this house as well.
As time went by, years actually, I was told that this guru had done more heinous acts, possible poisonings, possible killings, claiming to cure cancer, (that didn’t happen), and other things. There were deaths of more women. I was outraged!
I want justice for my sister- and I am being ignored that this is murder!
During the 17 years that Kris has been gone, I have had two episodes of attempting “suicide” but received the help that I needed.
Why suicide? Well, feeling alone, being the only sibling left, and during this time, the stupid guru, Keith Rainere, was on the loose.
All I wanted, was for him to be in custody, and get what he deserves, which is happening now.
I have said many times, they tell us we are going to sentencing, then, they jerk that away, and it is several more months away. It’s like you give a toy to a child, and keep jerking it away. It is totally unfair- they need to do away with the monster, and get it over with. I never want to hear Keith’s name again.
Where are we now in this journey?
Holidays and birthdays are somber, when they could be more joyous- but we make the most of it.
The tears fall, sometimes for reasons we do not understand, and other times, just out of frustration, for the fact that this guru took a chunk of our lives away, because he didn’t want her around anymore. My thinking is, “he could have sent her back to us”, instead of killing her.
Again you ask where I am in this journey?
Well, I still have anxiety and depression problems, but those are under control. I still have days where I want someone to talk, to go to authorities and tell what they know, to give us closure. I know someone somewhere has the key to this murder- to put someone away.
Please- help us.
Do I sit around doing nothing all the time? NO!!!! I have to be busy- because if I’m NOT busy, I am morbid- wondering if “I could have said or done something to change what happened to Kris”- this is a very dangerous area for me.
So I volunteer with our local VA office, making “flag bracelets” for our Veterans and active military, making sure they have what they need or doing other things for this office. This keeps me busy and out of trouble.
What have I learned for and through this 2nd post?
That Keith is NO longer running my life, that one day, there will be judgement day, before the “Throne of GOD” he will have to give an account of his actions, as will the other minions under his thumb.
I am also trying to curb my anger with him, but forgiving him for this crime- will probably never happen. He needs to confess what he knows- and give us closure. Until that happens, we will continue to wonder, but at the same time, we know that Kris is with her “Heavenly Father, in his care, along with my dad and others.
There is a popular Christian ✝️ song, by artist Michael W. Smith- “friends”- well, I changed the word from friends, to “sisters”. It talks about keeping the bond between people close- the bond between Kris and me, can’t be broken through death.
If you take one thing from this post- it’s suicide is the wrong answer- it is to “get busy for others- and keep people out of arms way, of people like Keith Raniere”.
I hope you will lean on God if you are going through the same thing that our family is.