The Eyebrows of Nxivm
By George Frobisher
I finally hit rock bottom.
Yesterday, Frank assigned me to do a story about how Nancy was shagging her dentist – as if anyone cared. Today, he assigned me to do “the eyebrows of Nxivm”. That’s right. To report on the shape of the eyebrows of Nxivm women and, in particular, Lauren Salzman.
Frank said, “Keith Raniere ordered his slaves not to groom, trim or shave their pubic hair. He also did not let them cut their hair without his permission. So what did he require of his ladies’ eyebrows?”
I really don’t care. And nobody else will either.
This eyebrow nonsense started because of a comment by Brigid and while I appreciate her efforts – that’s where this topic should have stayed – as a simple comment, not a whole post.
Here is Brigid’s comment.
Was there a local aesthetician who was doing all their eyebrows? Like Lauren Salzman, is she trying to capture the ‘femmes of MS13 gangland’ look with the drawn-on with a Sharpie bizarrely-placed permanently-surprised look? What did she see when she looked in the mirror at those U shaped eyebrows?
Lauren looks utterly insane in every photo because of her eyebrows.
But then I noticed that she isn’t the only one with that same shape and odd position of the hook brow.
Thyroid problems will make the brow thin on the outer part, and I suppose anorexia will make them simply fall out. Lauren’s appear purposefully misshapen. To me they are so striking I can look at little else in these photos. Where were these women’s minds that they failed to see themselves in the mirror?
Nancy Salzman
Lauren Salzman
DOS slave Lauren Salzman has been branded. She says DOS is like being in a sorority. She now has three lawyers from Arizona. Who is paying for them?
Lauren Salzman
Lauren Salzman in Wakaya Island, Fiji.
Lauren Salzman
![Ivy Nevares [l] with her therapist Lauren Salzman. Both women were promised by Keith Raniere that they would have his first born child. Miss Salzman as Miss Nevares' therapist chose to not disclose to her patient Miss Nevares that she was in competition with her.](/media/934ded7255144fcf8a3c537e.jpg)
Ivy Nevares [l] with her therapist Lauren Salzman. Both women were promised by Keith Raniere that they would have his first born child. Miss Salzman as Miss Nevares' therapist chose to not disclose to her patient Miss Nevares that she was in competition with her.
Ivy Nevares [l] with her therapist Lauren Salzman. Both women were promised by Keith Raniere that they would have his first-born child. There seems a fair amount of pencil in lieu of hair.
Lauren Salzman
Lauren Salzman
While Keith complained when Lauren posed for a naked snatch shot because it seemed she had trimmed her bush but he does not seem to have any problem with her trimming, shaping and plucking her eyebrows.
What about those pheromones?
OK. So where do we go from here? Suppose I told you I was quitting the Frank Report to pursue my lifelong dream of being a plastic surgeon. That should raise a few eyebrows.
Clare Webb Bronfman.
Clare Bronfman’s eyebrows.
One commenter wrote of Clare Bronfman: "Clare shares features with Katherine Hepburn. Similar facial structure and lanky athletic body".
You know I told Clare she had drawn her eyebrows on too low for court. She just scowled at me the entire time.
Allison Mack, subject to home arrest at her parent's home in Los Alamitos, California, is awaiting sentencing. She pleaded guilty in April 2019 but there is still no sentencing date set for her. While Keith, Kathy and Clare had dates set in January, they were canceled because of delayed presentencing reports.
Allison seems to have nice thick, bushy eyebrows.
Kathy Russell
You’ve heard of Betty Davis eyes. How about Kathy Russell eyebrows?
Kathy Russell
A more recent pic of Kathy Russell.
Toni Natalie
Ah, Toni Natalie. You know what’s weird about cosmetic procedures? When people get plastic surgery, everyone looks shocked. But when people do Botox, nobody even raises an eyebrow.
The late Pam Caftriz in a photo that seems to make her look a little like a pig.
The late Pam Caftriz in a photo.
Penciled eyebrows? Rosa Laura Junco, heiress, and first-line slave master. This mother of five was so enamored of Keith Alan Raniere that she offered her 15-year-old virgin daughter to him for his pleasure.
I told Allison Mack that she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
Dr. Danielle Roberts
Dr. Danielle Roberts’s eyebrows look like they were branded on her with a very fine cauterizing pen.
The federal government exhibit GX 28 - a photograph of Michele Hatchette used by the prosecution in the trial of Keith Raniere to show the jury what she looks like when describing her activities as DOS "slave."
Michele Hatchette, who Allison Mack described as having a “beautiful cunt”, also has beautiful eyebrows.
Dani Padilla forsook all men and became a slave of Keith Raneire and now sports his initials on her pubic area.
I was surprised that Daniela Padilla managed to draw her eyebrows on at the right height instead of too high for once but when I told her she didn’t seem surprised.
Dawn Morrison - one of the helpers and liars for Keith Raniere
Dawn Morrison, a long-time member of Raniere’s harem. What do readers think of her eyebrows?
Ivy Nevares, a long time slave of Keith Raniere, was told she could never cut her hair, which raised plenty of eyebrows in Nxivm – when her hair went down past her feet.
Ivy Nevares at the 2016 V Week.
Ivy Nevares is a belly dancer. Here she is at the 2016 V Week. She did not attend V-Week 2017 over jealousy issues. She found out that Keith had gotten Mariana pregnant and she reportedly was suicidal. She had been promised the avatar baby.
4. Marianna Fernandez. Harem. Has slave pod. Either branded or waiting to be branded. May be pregnant with Mr. Raniere’s child. Marianna assisted Mr. Raniere in recruiting her younger sister Cami into harem and supported the imprisonment of her sister Daniella Fernandez because she would not join harem.
She is a leader of the slave women of DOS.
Mother of the avatar baby. It was announced at V-Week 2017, that Marianna Fernandez had a child with Keith Raniere which, quite literally, raised a lot of eyebrows.
Grandmaster Monica Duran
Monica Duran was one of the eight first-line slaves who were ready to give Raniere her two succulent lips for a first-rate, group blow job. But where would her eyebrow’s have been?
Loreta Garza
Loretta Garza, head of the Rainbow Cultural Garden human child experiment, and a First Line slave master. She too was supposed to be part of the group blow job. I can just picture Raniere – with those eight women all crowding around his magnificent member – looking down at their 16 eyebrows.
Which reminds me of a joke Keith Raniere used to tell his first-line slaves.
“They’re called eyebrows because you’re ‘eyes’ are ‘brow’sing my fine cock.
Esther Chiappone Carlson, government exhibit
Esther Chiappone Carlson is a long time High Rank at Executive Success Programs.
Esther Carlson Chiappone
I’m getting tired looking at pictures of these dunces and commenting on their eyebrows.
Nicki Clyne, government exhibit
Nicki Clyne – with eyebrows.
A recent shot of Clyne
Which reminds me – MK10ART just did this nice painting of Nicki Clyne climbing a pole. Nicki loves to show off and published her picture on Instagram. There was only one little mistake she made. It showed she was in Puerto Vallarta Mexico. And Frank Parlato found the picture and published it – speculating that that's where Keith Raniere was hiding. The Mexican Federal Police arrested him shortly afterward.
Which reminds me – MK10ART just did this nice painting of Nicki Clyne climbing a pole. Nicki loves to show off and published her picture on Instagram. There was only one little mistake she made. It showed she was in Puerto Vallarta Mexico. And Frank Parlato found the picture and published it – speculating that that’s where Keith Raniere was hiding. The Mexican Federal Police arrested him shortly afterward.
Barbara Bouchey
Barbara Bouchey, once queen of the harem. She enrolled hundreds into the cult. Maybe it was her eyebrows that made her so believable.
Barb after learning about the guilty verdict of Keith Raniere.
Furrowed brow. Barb after learning about the guilty verdict of Keith Raniere.
Eight mouths - 16 eyebrows and eight unshaved pussies - and one unwashed pervert.
Eight mouths – 16 eyebrows and eight unshaved pussies – and one unwashed pervert.
The eight first line slaves who were going to give Keith a group blow job and eyebrow massage.
Sara Bronfman-Igtet is not on the chart above – the chart of Keith Raniere’s inner circle – as prepared by the government in the trial of Keith Raniere.
No one knows why she was not pictured with the inner circle. She was certainly one of the top leaders of Nxivm.
Lost in Space. Hey, wait a minute. Look at her ear - can't you see the window on the other side of the room?
Lost in Space. Hey, wait a minute. Look at her ear – can’t you see the window on the other side of the room?
Sars Bronfman Igtet
Better picture. Sara Bronfman scheduled an appointment with the lady who does her eyebrows. She said she could pencil her in.
I’m running out of things to say about eyebrows.
Nancy Salzman, 63, decided, now that Vanguard is likely to be in prison for the rest of his life, it was time to get another man to lead and rule her.She put an ad in the paper that read: VANGUARD WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (60’s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. Nancy said, ‘You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you…you have no legs!
The man smiled, ‘Therefore, I cannot run around on you!’
She snorted. ‘You don’t have any arms either!’
Again, the man smiled, ‘Therefore, I can never beat you!’
Nancy raised an eyebrow and asked intently, ‘Are you still good in bed???’
The man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, ‘I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
OK. This is it. The last set of eyebrows.
Keith Alan Raniere
A good looking man walked into a singles bar, bought a drink and settled down ready to use his best lines.
But for the next two hours, every woman he approached gave him the brush-off.
Then suddenly a really ugly guy named Keith Raniere walked in and within seconds he was surrounded by beautiful, available women. A few minutes later he sauntered out with a striking brunette on each arm.
The handsome guy was thoroughly despondent. Turning to the bartender, he said: ‘I don’t get it. How did that guy walk out with those two when I can’t even get a phone number?’
‘I don’t know what his secret is,’ said the barman. ‘But he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows… .’
Viva Executive Success!
George Frobisher, you are doing important work on the eyebrows. The Lost Eyebrows of Nxivm. It is so profoundly influential that you don't need to resort to focusing on blowjobs anymore. The real emergency you have left politely unmentioned or unmentionable is that Nicki Clyne really needs her bangs.
When someone has a forehead as wide and flat as the Sahara Desert, big bangs are worth their bucks. Even agnostics can appreciate big bangs.
In fact we ought to be concerned with everyone's hair in the lineup. And here you thought the eyebrows were catastrophic. Let's cut to the chase.
Many people are wondering if Ivy Nevares has really gone bald now. Eyebrows can be useful blowjob counters. We can see clearly now that these slaves lost their eyebrows from too much beating about the bush. But you saw both Nancy's and Lauren's hair in Starbucks photos.
It might be wise to leave the more frightening-looking members of this group to more technical eyes. Where is an investigative cosmetologist when you need one ? You still might consider doing a book about Mariana Fernandez and her hair and include diagnostic illustrations, by using Sally Field when she played Sybil.
Sybil's personalities might not have had any avatar babies, but there are ways around that. Anything about Clare Bronfman would do. In case you haven't noticed, Frank Parlato seems to want to give Clare increasing coverage, not less. The media is the message, or did McLuhan say “massage,” that rascal. If the Canadian visionary, McCluhan, was thinking of messages or massages, forget about inserting Clare.
Maybe you were right about staying with the eyebrows and the blowjobs after all. Sex sells, and a dirty joke or two helps in a crunch. Some of these Nxivm people got a huge laugh out of dropping a corpse at least once. Raniere and his gallows humor really let it r.i.p. This stuff is so bad it writes Ittself. So here is where the writer could insert not only Clare Bronfman, but even Hillary Clinton. Hillary is now a chancellor at Queen's University, Belfast, where she has been spotted riding her broom through nearby Devil's Marbleyard. She want to run for president again and has the full support hose of the devil with the blue dress on, Bill Clinton.
Clare Bronfman might not like blowjobs, but she donated so much money to Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. Why would that be, and what is to stop it from recurring?
Mr. Frobisher, in your opinion, is Clare Bronfman a bi-sexual? Do you think that Clare Bronfman has a thing for Hillary Clinton? Can a convicted felon serve as First Lady? So many questions. Is Arkancide more or less meaningful than eyebrows, today and in the shape of things to come, 2020-style? Thank you for your time and at the very least, for not drawing too many conclusions about eyebrows, when there is so much more to hair than only that, and now I've really gotta blow.