Shadow and Others Challenge Two Lawyers Credentials, as Onyu Defends Them as Serious Lawyers

A story was published on Frank Report entitled Investigating the Data With Two Lawyers.

In that post, Two Lawyers use their legal knowledge and display a rare command of Latin, from which much of the law is derived, to argue why Keith Raniere will be ultimately freed by the US Supreme Court, why prosecutors in his case will be imprisoned, the judge may be sought by Interpol if he tries to leave the USA, and advise readers who slander them or any lawyer that they can be targeted for prosecution, or individually haled into court to determine if they should be imprisoned.

Their no-nonsense approach to the law brought forth arguments from the erudite and learned commenters of Frank Report with some of them risking the serious legal jeopardy Two Lawyers warned of by discussing whether Two Lawyers are really lawyers at all.

As Two Lawyers warned, as “officers of the court, it is our duty to inform you that joking and degrading lawyers admitted before the bar can result in writs of habeas corpus delicti and also bills of attainder at state, federal and even international courts since we also know Mexican law.”

Here is some of the debate:

Erasend 

As for Two Lawyers – I suspect they are either not very good ones or not lawyers at all. Not because of the use of “data”. It’s the writing style. It is, well to be polite, let’s call it simple. It has a simplicity of style that skilled lawyers are incapable of suppressing because years of education and experience have evolved it to that point. Their arguments don’t even come across as lawyer-like. It’s almost a series of opinions but not really. It reads almost like a stream of consciousness without clear organization.

Retired Appellate Counsel

There is nothing in what “two lawyers” write that even smells like they are attorneys. Just one example, they write “it is our duty to inform you that joking and degrading lawyers admitted before the bar can result in writs of habeas corpus delicti.”

This is absurd. A writ of habeas corpus is the pleading someone files when they are alleging they are wrongfully imprisoned or wrongfully on probation or parole. A writ of habeas corpus cannot be used against a civilian like one uses a lawsuit. These aren’t attorneys, just NXIVM posers.

Shadow State, actively deriding Two Lawyers, mocked: 

“I’m not a lawyer but I play one on the Frank Report.”

Pea Onyu has claimed in the past that her name is a combination of Aleutian and Bavarian royalty and said that educated people will not think of the vulgar when they read her name, adding that it is pronounced Pea [Pie-eeh-ah] Onyu [Juan- ah-ooh-Yah]. She came forward to defend what she knows to be true.

Pea wrote: At this point it should seem pretty obvious that Two Lawyers are just who they say they are. How would they know so much law and all the Latin words for the law? They realize Keith is innocent. I can assure readers that the Two Lawyers are real.

Shadow State, challenging Pea, wrote,

Are they as real as Hookers peeing on Joe Biden?

At this point, Two Lawyers stepped in to confirm Pea’s insights.

Pea Onyu, we always appreciate the objective data you contribute to the robust conversationalization on this so-called website. We graduated from Law School with the esteemed Mr. Apox Onyu, are you related by any chance?

In any case we certainly hope you take care of the principle of illegitimi non carborundum a fortiori. We look forward to reading your wise contributions to the discussionizations here in the near future. Q.E.D.

Not to be silenced by Shadow State’s aggressive tactics, Pea Onyu, [and in response to a commenter who claimed Keith Raniere lied often, including a lie about the DOS brand not being his initials], wrote:

Vanguard never lied. The fact is that they had no right to know what the initials mean.

Two Lawyers again put forth their weighty legal arguments, adding a term of endearment for Pea: 

Sweet Pea, we duplicate your objective data on this matter.

Having reviewed the constitutions of the United States and New York, we verify that neither document guarantees a right to knowledgify with what initials one is branded both ipso facto and eo ipso. Women who are raising so-called objections on this basis in televisualized and printed media should take care to avoid countersuit for slander and manducans nimis.

Shadow State promptly challenged them once again, almost daring them to file a writ of attainder against him:

“Both ipso facto and eo ipso.” Two Lawyers. We aren’t lawyers but we spout off some Latin and play lawyers on the Frank Report.

This incurred the wrath of Two Lawyers, and this time they were not messing around. They not only showed their legal and Latin muscle, they dazzled readers with the ability to use mathematics to predict probabilities:

Mr. or Miss or Mrs. so-called Shadowstate1958, our co-worker, Anthony, has informated us of the hate bias you have perpetrated by questioning the objective data of our legalistic qualifications. We insist you take care to note we tied for first place in our high school 12th grade Latin spelling bee. Res ipsa loquitur you should consider this a de facto refutation of your positionally.

We further submit that you are being terribly mean to Keith Raniere and should consider tabula rasa that subsequent international torts can be filed for so-called emotional distress debitum hurt feelings in forma pauperis.

Having carefully reviewed the detailed legalized argumentations Mr. Raniere presents here, we now calculate a 93.284028% data probability that he will be released on appeal bond ex parte post haste.

By this time almost everyone was silenced. With this kind of stupendous knowledge, who could continue to dispute Two Lawyers qualifications?

Only Shadow State. In reply to Two Lawyers he wrote, showing a little of his own command of Latin and the law.

“Res Ipso Loquitor” means “it speaks for itself”, a notion for tort or personal injury law, not criminal law.

***

Editor’s note: We await a response from Two Lawyers on these allegations made by Shadow State and if they plan to file a writ of mandamus to the International Criminal Court of Justice to have him apprehended by Interpol on behalf of the Mexican authorities.

 


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Frank Parlato

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  • This whole scenario beautifully illustrates the absurdity of this website. A den of trolls cannibalizing each other in desperation to further their political ideologies and sense of self-importance. What once, by accident it seems, was what turned out to be a source of inside information that broke a legitimate story has become nothing but a poorly organized conspiracy message board and privately owned advertisement income source.

    • Are you new and faking stripes? The trolls and Shadow (not making judgments as to Shadow’s membership in the troll category) have been here virtually the whole time.

      We get a laugh at trolls here or there. We get our panties in a bunch ’cause of trolls now and again. But mostly, we ignore the trolls and move on to the good stuff.

      No way I can agree that it’s worse now when the Texan troll of all trolls has been neutered. I can handle trolling when it’s not mean-spirited and doesn’t repress comments.

  • We have been delayed in forthwith presenting the objective data relevant in partes tres to the debatifications here at the Frank Report due to our ongoing pro sonny bono litigation securing the overthrow of a wrongful conviction of our coworker, Anthony, in a matter of so-called stationary automotive locational illegality. Through our valiant fight against hate bias on the part of the prosecution, assisted by the Instagramification of eight well-regarded sorority marketing consultants, and a makeover of his personal brand, the judge saw the error of his ways and found in our client’s favor.

    In res primaris we must make clear that although the attentions and crushitivity of office interns upon esteemed officers of the court such as ourselves is common, understandable, even de rigeur, we always conduct ourselves in accordance with corporate guidelines that put such potential dalliances as beyond the pale. Eodem modo, while we condemn the media hate bias that continues to be heaped upon the esteemed so-called Keith Raniere, we acknowledge that he could have provided fewer wooden objects upon the conflagration if he had taken care to refrain from taking liberties with the hired help and such in flagrante delicto.

    Regarding the scurrilous accusations of one so-called Mr. or Miss or Mrs., let us say for the sake of inclusivity, Mx. Shadowstate1958 and allegations that our legal qualificationalism is disputando approximis, the body of our work speaks for itself sui generis. Q.E.D.

    While we would be well within our rights before the International Tribunal of Tort Dispensationalism and both the US and Mexican Supreme Courts to have Mx. Shadowstate1958 subject to lawful detainerization, we are loathe to use court resources for such trivial endeavorance and furthermore deeply appreciate the grave seriousness with which Mx. and others on this website approach our sagacious contributions. We will be more than happy to restrain the unleashing of our well-endowed, super hetero legal prowess if Mx. will take care simply to offer a heartfelt apology to ourselves and the most regal Lady Pea Onyu for Mx’s prevarications. We have it on good advice, though without complete certainification nam plus quam vesicae, that Lady Onyu would look favorably upon such contrition and deign to shower upon Mx. Shadowstate1958 a so-called not inconsiderable portion of her knowledge (which all know is golden as the sunshine)—a demonstrationization of comity.

    Mr. Frank, while we must act with respecfulity in regards to your suggestion that a so-called writ of mandamus would be in order, we take care that due to the principle of ad litem caveat such an endeavour at this point could constitute hate bias, so we shall show restraint bona fide coram non judice.

    • Oh! This is for shits and giggles. First time reading a Two Lawyers comments section so didn’t really register until I read above that they are just having a laugh. It’s not really making fun of anyone specific and more having general fun with the legal “experts” that pop up periodically. It wasn’t clear to me until now.

    • Dear Two Lawyers, I have been harassed for years by Shadow State 1958 and he has libeled me and criminally defamed me.
      He lives in Chicago and was born in 1958 and dislikes Biden which means he is a Republican.
      Based on those facts: Y.O.B. Political Party and city of domicile – could you serve him with a writ of diminimus and get him to shut his stupid mouth.
      Otherwise, I would like to retain you to bring a case before the international Court of Juris Prudence to have him banned from the internet.
      Thanks

    • And this is why I have such a crush on two lawyers.

      Also, they are great Office Secret Santa’s at Christmas time.

  • Did that other law firm that used to post here ever sue you Frank or Shadow for taking things too far and insulting Toni Natalie’s beauty? Was always curious how that defamation suit turned out.

    • Absolutely, Pea. Didn’t the 2 lawyers say: “illegitimi non carborandum” a fortiori? That’s the first pig-latin you learn at any bona-fide lawschool, we all know that. lol. They must have graduated summa cum laude … in Nugas, was it? with an elective in Taurus Excretum?

    • Pea
      Every time you comment I roll with laughter/

      What is funnier than storming into prosecutors’ offices at 4:45 on a Friday afternoon with cameras, microphones and affidavits?

      It’s like a madcap scene from the Keystone Kops.

      It’s like Cheech and Chong on crack.

      • Anonymous at 9:01 am

        Thank you for asking. I am mostly paid in butter cookies from the break room. And the most joy of proximity to two lawyers. I do have to also be around Anthony at times. Barf emoji.

  • One of my high school class mates left me with this clever piece of doggerel over 40 years ago:

    Latin is a dead language,
    As dead as a language can be,
    First it killed the Romans off,
    And now it’s killing me!

    Note to the Two Lawyers and Nicki Clyne:

    Latin sounds even more impressive if it is used in the correct context.

    Here is a Monty Python Latin lesson to get you started.
    Monty Python’s Life Of Brian
    ‘Romans go home’ Latin Lesson

    • For the people who nevertheless know the Latin language, the essential in Latin.

      Una schola condiscipuli mea reliquit me alta haec incondita quaedam callidus fragmen per XL annos:

      Lingua Latina mortua est,
      Sicut mortui sunt in verbis esse:
      Primo Romanos interfecit longe
      Et nunc suus ‘Num occidere me!

      Nota quod in Iure consulti Duo Various Clyne:

      Magis etiam infigo, si latine dictum est in context rectam.

  • LMFAO!

    The reviews are in:

    “Comedic genius!!!!!” – Rolling Stone

    “Brilliant!”- Vanity Fair

    “Gut wrenching Funny” – Fox News

    “Stellar!”- New York Post

    “4 stars!”- Roger Ebert

    “Sublime Satire” – Nice Guy

    Thanks for a good laugh on a Friday!

  • “They not only showed their legal and Latin muscle, they dazzled readers with the ability to use mathematics to predict probabilities:”

    HaHaHa! Thank you for my first laugh of the day! Priceless!

About Frank Parlato

Frank Parlato Investigates

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg; “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson; “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been featured prominently on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and acted as lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” He was credited in the Starz docuseries, 'Seduced,' for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Parlato has appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest, which was ironic since many credit Parlato as being one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

IMDb — Frank Parlato

If the whole world stands against you sword in hand, would you still dare to do what you think is right?

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