Keith used problem-solving ability to solve flaccid challenge

Warning: Salacious material in this post. Do not read further if you are squeamish.

Guest View by Hot Sauce and Pizza, Pussy sans Garlic

Regardless of Keith’s limp dick status, he used his problem solving abilities to remedy that situation.

According to Frank Parlato, when Keith was presented with the problem of a flaccid dick inhibiting his ability to engage in coitus, he quickly invented a new ‘tech’ to fix the issue.

According to Frank, this new tech is called the ‘tune up’ and it goes something like this…

a) Keith eats a woman’s pussy using his filthy tongue and bad breath, while forgoing full coitus.

b) Said woman pretends to orgasm for Keith.

c) Keith then positions himself over the woman’s chest and proceeds to use high speed masturbation to spew his boy-batter on said woman’s titties, where he apparently struggles to spew out his man-milk from that ancient, flaccid and semi-dormant volcano.

Fortunately for the prosecution, this new ‘tech’ amounts to sexual assault just as much as full coitus does.

I’m just glad these poor women didn’t have to taste his boy-batter. Keith’s diet is foul and I have no doubt that his rotten tasting semen would make any woman retch their guts out.

Still you gotta give props to Keith for inventing this new ‘tech’. Like the old saying goes, necessity is the mother of invention.

About the author

Frank Parlato

Frank Report’s founder and lead writer Frank Parlato is one of the internet’s most acclaimed investigative journalists. His writing and investigations have helped expose major criminal organizations and scandals.

Frank’s work has been cited in major publications all over the world, including The New York Times, New York Post, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CNN, Rolling Stone, and more.

He is also the publisher and editor-in-chief of Artvoice, The Niagara Falls Reporter, Front Page and the South Buffalo News.


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    • 🙂 He really does! All he needs is a red or green onesie with an elf cap! He’s sitting there rather stoic — not happy. I tell ya, if the chair were an inch taller, his heals would not touch the floor. Tee tee!!

      Would be funny if there were a “Ken” doll made in his likeness. First of all, the head should be three times the normal size so it fits his ego/. 🙂

  • Looks like someone got fooled by a NXIVM troll. Just when you thought that this site was being cleaned up, an entire article on irrelevant nonsense is posted so horney teenagers can post about blowing their load.

  • Please! No! Keith should get his money back from the photographer who took this photo. He looks like an elf on a shelf. Too much gray in a minimal setting. It looks like he is an installation in an art museum.

  • Did little Keithy shoot his load on Kristin Kreuk? Her boobies are very small, but Allison Mack is ugly and he still fucked her. Pea Onyu said he ravished Kreuk.

    • Old posts said something about SOP classes taught the men to cum on their women’s face…to show power/ownership I guess. And Kk’s long time bf was the head of SOP–so–if not Kieth, Hildreth probably did, amd maybe took pics too.

      • And she’s into BDSM apparently according to Jane the DOS slave. She was a sub but was/is embarrassed to admit it. Still want to find out if Girls By Design was related to BDSM like Jane said and if it was created by Kreuk to identify girls suitable for it like the ex GBD said about the questionnaires the girls were given.

About Frank Parlato

About Frank Parlato

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in major publications all over the world, including The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CNN, Fox News, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, and more.

Frank Parlato was the lead investigator and coordinating producer of Investigation Discovery's 2 hour blockbuster special 'The Lost Women of NXIVM.'

Frank Report is dedicated to Frank's investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth.

Read more about Frank Report's mission.

If the whole world stands against you sword in hand, would you still dare to do what you think is right?

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