Keith used problem-solving ability to solve flaccid challenge

NY Times photo of Keith Raniere

Warning: Salacious material in this post. Do not read further if you are squeamish.

Guest View by Hot Sauce and Pizza, Pussy sans Garlic

Regardless of Keith’s limp dick status, he used his problem solving abilities to remedy that situation.

According to Frank Parlato, when Keith was presented with the problem of a flaccid dick inhibiting his ability to engage in coitus, he quickly invented a new ‘tech’ to fix the issue.

According to Frank, this new tech is called the ‘tune up’ and it goes something like this…

a) Keith eats a woman’s pussy using his filthy tongue and bad breath, while forgoing full coitus.

b) Said woman pretends to orgasm for Keith.

c) Keith then positions himself over the woman’s chest and proceeds to use high speed masturbation to spew his boy-batter on said woman’s titties, where he apparently struggles to spew out his man-milk from that ancient, flaccid and semi-dormant volcano.

Fortunately for the prosecution, this new ‘tech’ amounts to sexual assault just as much as full coitus does.

I’m just glad these poor women didn’t have to taste his boy-batter. Keith’s diet is foul and I have no doubt that his rotten tasting semen would make any woman retch their guts out.

Still you gotta give props to Keith for inventing this new ‘tech’. Like the old saying goes, necessity is the mother of invention.

About the author

Frank Parlato


Click here to post a comment

Please leave a comment: Your opinion is important to us! (Email & username are optional. To leave a name, click on the email icon)

    • 🙂 He really does! All he needs is a red or green onesie with an elf cap! He’s sitting there rather stoic — not happy. I tell ya, if the chair were an inch taller, his heals would not touch the floor. Tee tee!!

      Would be funny if there were a “Ken” doll made in his likeness. First of all, the head should be three times the normal size so it fits his ego/. 🙂

  • Looks like someone got fooled by a NXIVM troll. Just when you thought that this site was being cleaned up, an entire article on irrelevant nonsense is posted so horney teenagers can post about blowing their load.

  • Please! No! Keith should get his money back from the photographer who took this photo. He looks like an elf on a shelf. Too much gray in a minimal setting. It looks like he is an installation in an art museum.

  • Did little Keithy shoot his load on Kristin Kreuk? Her boobies are very small, but Allison Mack is ugly and he still fucked her. Pea Onyu said he ravished Kreuk.

    • Old posts said something about SOP classes taught the men to cum on their women’s face…to show power/ownership I guess. And Kk’s long time bf was the head of SOP–so–if not Kieth, Hildreth probably did, amd maybe took pics too.

      • And she’s into BDSM apparently according to Jane the DOS slave. She was a sub but was/is embarrassed to admit it. Still want to find out if Girls By Design was related to BDSM like Jane said and if it was created by Kreuk to identify girls suitable for it like the ex GBD said about the questionnaires the girls were given.

About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” Parlato was also credited in the Starz docuseries "Seduced" for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Additionally, Parlato’s coverage of the group OneTaste, starting in 2018, helped spark an FBI investigation, which led to indictments of two of its leaders in 2023.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premiered on May 22, 2022. Most recently, he consulted and appeared on Tubi's "Branded and Brainwashed: Inside NXIVM," which aired January, 2023.

IMDb — Frank Parlato

Contact Frank with tips or for help.
Phone / Text: (305) 783-7083