By Susan Dones;
The problem with Keith Raniere’s ego is he thinks he can control other’s thoughts. He thinks that they will buy his bullying and when they leave his sorry-ass program that they will live in so much fear that there is no possible way they can have joy ever again in their lives.
Well, crazy man, the day I walked out the doors of NXIVM was one of the most joyful days of my life. No longer did I have to put up with your or your mobsters’ abuse.
I have people ask me if I’m afraid that you will send one of your goons after me to have be “killed for your beliefs”. I almost always answer the same: “It’s possible, but I’m not going to live in fear of that. I could as easily die in a car accident on the way to work tomorrow.”
When it’s time for God to call me home, it’s time to be with God. I’m not going to live in fear and waste any more of my life on you. I wasted enough believing you and your other lying staff.
I had faith you had something wonderful to offer in the name of humanity. It was all based on lies. That faith was betrayed by the truth that you were nothing more than than a conman, and a crazy one at that.
When I found out the truth, I left immediately with no hesitation as my morality and ethics had a strong foundation long before I entered NXIVM. You and your mob of mind-benders could never break me down no matter who you sent my way.
Kristin told me after she left that you hated me for not buying into your crap. Barbara told me you would spend hours talking about what a problem I was with my defiance (“suppressive”, you called me and spread the word) and tried to come up with plans of what to do about me. When that didn’t work, you started to destroy my reputation within the organization.
People who leave (or want to leave) just need to return to their true inner selves. Some of that is buried below a lot of nasty feedback you have gotten over the years, from several people sent your way. Some knowingly gave it to you, some not knowing, but they were sent to you. They wanting the approval of those who sent them to you with their messages.
Pull out old pictures of yourself, times when you were really happy, times when you achieved things, even if they were small things. Pull out pictures of times with your friends from the past – pre-NXIVM – things you used to do that filled your soul, goals you used to have. Journal about your old self, talk to old friends and family and those you can trust within your NXIVM community about getting back to you.
There are ways to move the world forward that don’t involve NXIVM that you can be involved with if that is still something that is important to you.