Stunning Blast f/t Past: 6-year NXIAN: People ‘really wanted something greater for themselves’

Here is another comment from the Times Union at the time when Secrets of NXIVM was perhaps the hottest story in the Albany area.
It is from a purported “former” 6 year NXIAN.  It’s a weird and chilling and yet compelling read. Lots of “truths” that have come out in other comments, articles etc.
I have edited it only slightly [in red] for clarity.
  • AM/PM says:

    I was involved for some time 6yrs. I left. I went in with a purpose,; the tool was useful in uncovering issues. While I was there, I saw a lot, I learned a lot. I saw red flags all the time and all over the place. I took note… Fortunately for me I kept myself very busy so that I wasn’t too involved with the social aspect of the organization. I had other friends. I did however get the opportunity to see all the people in there OCD underwear. People are psychologically cut open when in an intensive. I saw how Keith pulled all the strings and how Nancy was just a pawn, as with her daughters (one is part leader, one is to afraid to leave mommy) Then I saw the exploits of the women and people. It was obvious but hard to believe that you are being deceived in such a way. You just have to keep rubbing your eyes until the vision is clear. What happens to those that are in is that there is the sixth sense that is very apparent, but you just don’t want to believe that your in this shit storm of deception, because some of the things are really good.

    What Keith proposes and the organization espouses is that this is all for a better world and a better ethical humanity… Who doesn’t want to believe that? What they forgot is that there is the rest of the world and people have their own experiences.

    The tools show one their biggest fears and greatest virtue… Psychological YO-YO…How can I stroke thee to keep you in my grasp. It is amazing and disgusting. I am still grappling with the fact that I was ever involved and it is embarrassing for me.

    But, I did find what I was looking for. So am I any better? If you can be a tool for them, you are invited in…. I was a tool & I did exchange… I certainly didn’t have $, (I had a support team on the outside of NX) It was a conscious choice as I had something I needed to uncover. This I did. It was work.

    They called me defiant many, many, many times and saying I was fighting them. No, actually I had other truths that told me different. I tried on your theories but truth wins out. A lot of people seem to cave or leave or melt their ethics and morals to match the group. I just had a purpose. I saw a lot.

    I think Keith is a creepy mutha. Every time I interacted with him my entire body would shake… No good for me. He wasn’t a restful person, nor was he trustworthy.

    I truly think he has an intelligence about him. IQ blah blah, I think that he is actually very troubled person, in-satiable… Why they think he is a god is because he tells them so and they believe. He has charisma for sure. But a wolf in sheep’s clothing nonetheless.

    I never liked that part of the worship of him or Nancy. Yet, I respected what they created. She, on the other hand, at one point at least, I thought she meant well.. But she knows she signed her soul to the devil. A woman scorned and knows it. She allowed her daughter Lauren to be seduced by him for higher good. Shame on you.. Your sacrifice for the greater good… You know better,; you were once a spiritual person… No hocus-pocus.. Well we know that is a lie…

    As for the other women, well… If women want to share a man fine. If you think that he is the only one you can have sex with but he is allowed to sex others and none of you can go outside of the club. What is that? Him not talking to you until you lose weight or deny your intuition and agree with his way! Hello! Ladies… Does it actually feel right? Or just good to have headboard banging sex with an addict?

    Watch what you actually believe is ladies… JNESS what!? Something for women by women created by a man? DUH! I think it is gross… I think that people truly forfeit their morals for the fear of leaving the community. Barbara Bouchey is the supreme example of what happens when you leave the inner circle. Let us not forget Toni Natalie and her years of lawsuits,. I heard stories of her when I fist entered the org. Then I finally met her, just a normal gal trying to free herself and family from his coo-coo she is a woman scorned…. He is tireless for destruction when he doesn’t get his way.. He is coo-coo and will hunt you down with the funds of one of his harem…. Seagrams fortune concubines.

    Yet at the same time, they all have vested interest… a belief that with him the cosmos will rule through their union… Just like the Bronfman girls. They are in deep. Sarah, I guess she is getting married and in the UK; stay away little girl… As for Clare… Geez, she had horses and $$$$ and a lonely but sweet life on her road to Olympics..  Now she has manipulative liars and a court testimonial audio bite that makes her sound like a brain washed succkA!.. Disturbing for sure! Hopefully soon to be a woman scorned.

    Watch out for that rage when It comes through. She got the means to do some damage to the mutha. I would be humiliated if I was her. I would get the hell out and go back to Australia to get your simpler life back. But, I suppose if this makes you feel powerful to keep giving millions to manipulative liars and pedophile that you are probably screwing too. If that makes you feel right in the world then hey so be it… All of this said at this point, these are the things I saw when I left years ago.

    Some opinion too… As they teach in NX about patterns of behavior..When I began to see how many of the women, especially those close to the King-pin behaved I knew in every ounce of my being that he was screwing them all. The cover up was so obvious. I even went deeper and asked insiders of this… it was confirmed.. To me, It was gross. I was ashamed for the feminine and needed to leave as this isn’t what I wanted for myself. I also didn’t like the blatant way of denial that people were doing…  Or maybe they really believed?? Do they have no other reference points from life to show them the truth… That was impressive..

    The men and women of… I do believe this… All those ladies in the accounting office… The nice families… watch out for your children. So many people have moved to Albany from somewhere else to live this dream.

    I am so curious as to what they are telling the tribe to try and make it all better?

    Who will defect? they may just say that it is the newspaper and world trying to break them apart… I am sure they have a good story to try and win everyone over… All those movie people in Vancouver… People in Mexico? LA? Or are you just getting what you want? I did..  I didn’t know about the little girls and it did take some time to uncover the truth. They have good stories to protect themselves from being revealed.
    I feel for those that the truth is being revealed and they are actually taking it in. A hard pill to swallow. It is a painful truth. I experienced true heart and hope break.

    I wanted to believe in a better something, for the truth of our existence is sad at times. This was a sadness to me as it wasn’t as blatant as murder; it is a psychological crime against humanity. This is a deep mind F*#@! The core of their soul is going to be shaken up.

    The other thing is that, when people who chose to sign up and participate, if they had the means could keep on getting help. Those that didn’t got to some dark places in their psyche… Those individuals to me, were worse off then when they arrived… They would leave these people there, in their worst places. No hope to get out and no hand to hold to learn how to walk again in a new world. They, the ESPers, were not compassionate about the process,; there was nothing sacred about how they can delve deep into the subconscious while people are conscious. There was no place for those that appeared lost… they would be in the periphery, do little jobs here and there to stay in the community to pay off their debt. No care taken for the downtrodden and abused. I saw people that appeared to be broken. This was an ‘experiment’ they didn’t have a solution for this part.

    They came in and used what they want out of peoples willingness and hope and leave them when they are done. So sad, such heartbreak… So disturbing… So many reasons why not to join, why not to stay, why one would leave. I never would enroll anyone I knew unless they had an iron constitution and a purpose to go in.

    This is a good tool but a dangerous tool, especially when left in the hands of the fledglings that they put in charge that have no other life experience, just egos to boost…

    I feel sad for those that are involved and taking in the truth… It does take some time to get back to your self. Words alone, it is hard to have a conversation with others of the world when you have been on the inside for a long time. People end up assuming like Keith does… it is passed down in the pattering, there is an arrogance… it’s hard… You will see things, most don’t, yes. But, it made me see Why Keith wanted to make a system out of it to teach others so he didn’t feel so lonely in his personal crazy mind…..He is a master manipulator… I mean, that kid Galen,; it is Kristin Keefe’s child with him. What does that say about her that she would lie to the world and say she had cancer when she was having a baby?… So sad… And who knows how that child will turn out as it hasn’t been allowed to be around any other children… ever.. The Rainbow school is an interesting project, but all these experiments… we aren’t animals…
    The mind isn’t the only place to live. It too is just a tool…

    centerpiece

    One of the illustrations from the Secrets of NXIVM series in the Times Union. It shows Raniere with a “Path of Destruction” chart he sent to Toni Natalie, a former lover.

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