Recently we posted a love letter (come back to me darling letter) from the love sick NXIVM leader and professor of love, ethics and compassion, the Vanguard, Keith Raniere, the self-proclaimed smartest man in the world to his beloved Toni Natalie written on 5/12/99.
Today we will take some excerpts from lover Raniere’s letter to Natalie and couple these passages of love with excerpts of Natalie’s comments in court filings, testimony and comments to reporters.
Keith Raniere: My Sweetheart swore to protect me at all costs
Toni Natalie: I was… harassed by Mr. Raniere …. and I had to get him away from this pressure…. He sent police to our house and phone calls. He spent a whole hour threatening me on the phone….He threatened me and my whole family.
KR: We had some wonderful times together. She loved the soft caresses and the deep connection we had through our eyes.
TN: I was raped repeatedly by Raniere, each time with him telling me it was harder on him than it was on me, that we needed to be together so that I could share in his energy, and that I needed to remain silent so as to not wake up my child who was sleeping in a nearby room.
KR: She recognized there was no one else for her and experienced the true feeling of completion when she opened herself to me.
TN: Keith finds your vulnerabilities and then he preys on them…. It’s a cult. Raniere’s bad.
KR: We had a dance where we held hands and I would sing to her as she held her head up against mine….. a perfect love once experienced.
TN: He said he hated dance “because his mother would make him dance with her.”
KR: Dear Sweetheart, you may now understand for the first time truly how I love you…. Who else would ever be so committed, so loyal?
TN: I know what was done to me. I know what was done to my family. I know what they are doing to other families.
KR: I was always faithful to our relationship.
TN: Raniere is a sex addict with bizarre desires and needs.
KR” Your true happiness was (and is) a higher value than any dependency relationship between us.
TN: So I tried to break it off with him. That’s when the stalking started. Raniere’s followers “broke into my house; they would come and ring the doorbell at all hours of the day or night. They would tell me that I had to come with them, that he was dying, that if I didn’t stay with him, he was going to die. . . . They tortured me — I got down to, I don’t know, a hundred pounds.
KR: It was important you loved me for what I was – not what I did for you.
TN: The scary part of the organization is that they have a philosophy, his philosophy . . . called ‘right action’ or ‘wrong action.’ And if he believes that something is ‘right action’ . . . it is OK to do whatever it takes. If you had to kill somebody, and it is for the betterment of the Family, it would be OK.
KR: You assumed I would treat you as you would have treated me under similar circumstances. This is just not so.
TN: When I finally did leave, they would break into my house and flip pictures upside down, they’d unmake my bed, steal clothes out of my closet.
KR: Remember, I trust everyone (including you) because I can’t imagine a person- being untrustworthy. This is because I am very trustworthy…..
TN: They stole my mail, they shut off my phone, they shut off my electricity. They called me up and asked me if I knew where my son was.
KR: it is always better to have a person of true strength and ability to help. I know I can help. Easily.
TN: They do everything they can to destroy your life, to keep you quiet. Especially me, because I know so much about them.
KR: No matter what happens, I will always have fond memories of that portion of life we shared….
TN: Keith was home sleeping while I was working, which was normal. I mean, this bullshit that Keith never sleeps—Keith sleeps all day long. He sleeps all day long. I came home, and he had put the shirt in the dryer. I said to him, ‘I asked you not to do this.’ And he starts screaming at me, ‘You’re stupid! How dare you tell me I don’t know what I heard. I have perfect retention. I have a 240 IQ.’ And he is screaming in my face: ‘Tell me that you are wrong! Say that you are wrong!’
KR: Sweetheart …. I can provide a little magic (and sometimes a whole lot more) that helps make things OK. We had so much to build together …. I continue to build yet without you at my side.
TN: Raniere was “very charismatic. I mean, he could tell you the sun is purple with pink polka dots and you’d look up and see it.”
KR: We also have so many memories to cherish.
TN: They’re scary, scary people. I can talk about it now, but up until three years ago, I was a babbling idiot. . . . You have no idea. If a door slammed, I’d be stuck on the top of the ceiling.
KR: I will forever miss my Sweetheart so much. Each night, I meet with her and we hold hands and Oh, how we danced ….. I hope my Sweetheart calls. If not, then shall I dance with my Sweetheart forever in my dreams, but never again in real life shall we touch for my Sweetheart will no longer exist.
TN: He was truly brilliant…. that brilliance is the closest thing to insanity.
KR: You once spoke the words of the Immortal Beloved to me, you swore on the life of your son that it was thus. Could these words ever apply to anyone else but us?
TN: Raniere is a compulsive gambler, a sex addict with bizarre desires and needs, and a con man that specializes in Ponzi schemes.
KR: My angel, my all, my very self… .my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us –
TN: I know how they mind-f**k people. I know how dangerous they are. I know how dangerous Nancy Salzman is, and Keith Raniere. They are very, very dangerous, scary people.
KR: I can live only wholly with you or not at all…
TN: Before I knew it, he had me convinced that my husband was cheating on me and was having an affair with my nanny. It was all a lie . . . the next thing I knew, I was divorced and living in Albany.
KR: Be calm – love me – today – yesterday – what tearful longings for you – you – you – my life – my all -farewell.
TN: They used to stand in front of the restaurant for hours, telling my waitresses, ‘You don’t understand, she has to come back — she’s the chosen one!’
KR: Oh continue to love – never misjudge the most faithful heart of your Beloved. Ever thine Ever mine Ever ours
TN: [Raniere] teaches through intimidation. He takes good people looking for a better way of doing things and uses their vulnerabilities to control the
m. And I’ve always wondered why he’s pursued me for so many years. What secret do I hold?