Making Raniere Look Ridiculous; Part 2


In the event that Keith Raniere’s attorney, Marc Agnifilo, is scouring Frank Report to find fictional pictures of Raniere to show the judge, to convince him that people who want to co-guarantee his bail bond – thereby giving Keith a chance to flee the USA – are in danger of serious lampooning – and need to be shielded from me – I thought I would save the estimable lawyer some [billable] hours and put a few in one post.

Starting in January 2016, shortly after I realized Raniere ordered Clare Bronfman to perjure herself to get me indicted, I began making photo-shopped images of Raniere.

Sprinkled over perhaps some 100 of the more than 2,000 posts I have heretofore created, I employed sarcasm and lampooning to make this vainglorious, pathological lying, and insufferably pompous ass who calls himself Vanguard appear ridiculous to his stupidly gullible cult followers.

I wanted to encourage defectors to speak up and be unafraid of this prince of monsters. If I could openly mock this fearsome critter and make him look the actual fool I believe him to be, it might crumble the so-called “internal representation” his followers have of him and snap them out of their brainwashing and hypnotic induction training meant to make them believe he was some sort of demigod.

In response, I am told, Keith ordered his High Rank to instruct followers not to read the Frank Report for – as Nancy Salzman warned them – it might adversely impact their [bogus] internal representation of him which would be hard to undo.

Some of these photos, I admit, I failed to label as photo-shopped in their original posts. I do not know how many readers thought they were authentic photos. If any were fooled, my sincere and humble apologies.

Furthermore, I want to confess, I am a beginner in photo-shop and, though I was quite proud of my amateurish efforts, a number of readers admonished me for my poor photo-shopping skills and said I was entirely unfunny.

Finally, I want to apologize in advance for some of the salacious and ribald images and themes that appear below. However,  be advised, the following is for the convenience of Raniere’s legal team so they do not have to bill Raniere [Bronfman] extra hours for scouring more than 2,000 posts to find these – and this post, therefore, is not meant for normal readers.

Any of you who are squeamish, prudish, of delicate sensibilities, or are seeking to maintain your internal representation of Keith, I suggest that you not to read further.


With his sleek and aerodynamic body, Keith Raniere, pictured above in this original, authentic photo never before published, ties the New York State record for the 100 yard dash at 6.7 seconds.

In this rare photo, Rensellaer fullback Keith Raniere breaks free from a tackle attempt by J. Thorpe and runs for a touchdown. Raniere set the triple record for most touchdowns in a single season with 452, most rushing yards, 32,864,  and most catches 3,239.

A new patent-pending invention of Keith Raniere.  Press the button when Vanguard speaks. It really works.
Keith forgot to mention in his bio that he’s a sculptor too.
1972: He was a computer programmer – at age 12.
Keith mastered many musical instruments – none of which anybody ever heard him play.

Bare bottom paddling is taught in DOS as a disciplinary technique. The above photo authentically demonstrates how it was administered to disobedient DOS slaves. [Please note these are not real DOS slaves but models chosen for reenactment. In actuality, they are not the correct genders. Only women are paddled in DOS since they are indulgent princesses and drama queens.]

Dr. Danielle Roberts, D.O.S.

If enough slaves run away, Lauren may finally have him all to herself.

Clare’s Dream
The coupling of DOS and SOP: ‘The exquisite imagery of the artist suggests Mr. Raniere’s presence is figurative. This is made crystalline by the initials ‘K. R.’ not etched at the female pubis but floating in midair – where it lovingly transmutes itself on the branded wife to higher, subtler consciousness whereby the husband is not only a member of the Society of Cuckolds but a DOS slave himself – subordinate to the higher teachings of Master Raniere’ – – L. Worthington Hammerton, Art Critic.
Prior to his arrest, Frank Report suggested buttock  implants for Vanguard – not for beauty, necessarily, but for protection against sexual assault. But will it affect his judo balance?
One of Vanguard’s students made this lovely sculpture. She interwove – and you have to look closely  – Vanguard’s face in the bronze colored letters. The background of newsprint suggests Vanguard will achieve great fame via the media.
Viva Executive Success

If Scientology has an E-Meter, NXIVM has its patent-pending “Peak” Meter. Keith invented it and tested it on himself. It works.

There is always the risk of venereal contagion among people who have a propensity to sleep with a promiscuous individual. A new strain of genital herpes, which first broke out in Silver Bay, New York, is especially virulent and impossible to cure. Called Vanereal Ranerus Insertacochus, this strain spreads like wildfire among unusually slender women, with long hair, fulsome bushes and seemingly scarred around the pubis with the initials of the disease.


About the author

Frank Parlato


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  • Frank is a bad photo shopper. It’s clear that they are fake. He is also a deeply disturbed and mentally deranged individual and the court should order his blog shut down. He’s also a Perv. Look at the sicko concepts he promotes.

    • Still struggling with the first amendment I see stop projecting your Character defects on to other people you need an e.m.
      Stop trolling this blog and start exploring the wonderful possibilities suicide has to offer you

      • She doesn’t know much about Canada it seems, because posting those types of pics is not illegal here either.
        But if Keith wants to sue Frank, he could try.🤣

        • I loved watching the old SCTV parodying all kinds of famous people.
          And those shows were filmed in Edmonton and Toronto.
          Those shows featured such great performers as John Candy, Andrea Martin, Catherine O’Hara, Joe Flaherty. Dave Thomas, Harold Ramis, Eugene Levy and loads of other great performers.

          You must remember that Nicki Clyne dropped out of college and doesn’t know much about Canadian history and culture.

          SCTV’s classic skit “Liberace and Elton John in Dueling Pianos.”

          • I miss John Candy.😪
            I’m surprised you know who all those people are, ShadowState. . Some of them have been gone for many years.

    • Hahahahahhahahaahahahhaaha this is great entertainment, depicts how dumb people really are. Keep it coming!!!! Thank you for the laugh!

    • Pea, do you have a hairy bush? If yes, how do you maintain it? Is it an ethical breach to trim it like Rastafarian dreadlocks?

    • Dress all in black and sleep on train tracks at night. But really nothing could be more ridiculous than that damn avatar baby story he barfs up. Is he a narcissist? The perfect rhetorical question.

  • You really are too kind Frank, although I’m pretty sure the lawyers will read every word here regardless of your thoughtful synopsis above.

    Also, I never before realized that dos reads sop upside down….is there any remote possibility of intended symbolism here? of the yin/yang kind?

About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” In addition, he was credited in the Starz docuseries 'Seduced' for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premieres on May 22, 2022.

IMDb — Frank Parlato,_Jr.

Contact Frank with tips or for help.
Phone / Text: (305) 783-7083