The $62,000 Tantrum: A Psychiatric Analysis of Danesh Noshirvan’s Meltdown

Editor’s Note: The following is fiction except, of course, for all the facts underlying it. Danesh Noshirvan has many alter egos, notably the very feminine Erica Sabonis. His partner James ‘The Little Doc’ McGibney has his all-caps friend Credible Intel. I have Winston Velvet.

By Winston Velvet

After Danesh Noshirvan’s meltdown—which included profanity, allegations of racism, and a $62,000 sanction—I thought it prudent to consult a medical expert. Mostly to confirm it was, in fact, a meltdown.

Here’s what happened first:

Danesh sued someone for calling him a swinger. Then went ballistic when the lawyer asked about his OnlyFans account during depositions.

Danesh burst into the room. Called the attorney a “misogynistic piece of shit,” a “dumb shit,” a “motherfucker.” And he threatened: “I’ll remember this shit at settlement.”

Then he posted online, calling the attorney—who is Black—a racist and because the attorney showed a photo from Danesh’s OnlyFans account during the deposition, Danesh accused him of sharing revenge porn, even though the image was shown in a legal proceeding and was entirely relevant to his defamation claims.

Within hours, thousands of threatening messages arrived. New accounts. Identical phrasing- the kind of uniformity only automation can achieve. Voicemails with different voices reading the same script – all threatening the lawyer.

The court sanctioned Danesh $62,000.

Danesh turned to his “millions” of followers for help. His GoFundMe raised $39,000 — roughly two cents per follower.

To understand what happened, I consulted the one man qualified to diagnose this phenomenon: Dr. Edwin H. Maxwell, MD, PhD, PsyD, ABPN, ABPP, LMFT, CCTP, FIPA.

Winston Velvet:

What is this, Doctor?

Dr Maxwell:

“It appears to be acute narcissistic dysregulation with indications of persecutory grandiosity complex. The violent affect discharge, the externalization, the ritualized profanity — indicate a maladaptive identity-protection spasm.

Velvet:

In other words… he had a tantrum?

Maxwell:

The subject appears to have undergone an implosion of compensatory grandiosity structures, followed by indications of a hypertrophic activation of persecutory ideation networks symptomatic of recurrent parasocial delusional destabilized identity-formation with concurrent hypervigilant grievance projection.

Velvet:

My grandmother had that.

Dr. Maxwell 

The appropriate course of treatment is multi-axial and preconditionally requires the suspension of extrinsic narcissistic reinforcers —

Velvet:

You mean like cutting off WiFi access?

Maxwell:

For persistent delusional structures — such as in this case where belief that online mobs emerge spontaneously and not from self-generated parasocial fantasy-cognition — low-stimulation behavioral environments are calibrated to downregulate dopaminergic dependency on synthetic validation stimuli.

Velvet:

Would it just be easier to tell him bots won’t love him?

Dr. Maxwell:

The presentation of an acute ego-fragmentation paroxysm precipitated by confrontational stimulus exposure, characterized by instantaneous collapse of all inhibitory circuits, resulting in an affective decompensation spasm followed by a compensatory persecutory-inversion projection reflex—

Velvet:

Like when you drop your phone in the toilet?

Dr. Maxwell:

—including a dysphonic cognitive misattribution cascade triggered by a destabilized grandiosic self-schema encountering contradictory reality input is not typically susceptible to self-cognition.

Velvet:

My uncle had something like that. Turned out to be gas.

Dr. Maxwell:  

It appears to indicate long-duration psychogenic disinhibition convulsion with reactive projection artifacts directionally adjacent to an acute epileptoid manifestation with panphobic melancholia, with some indication of a neurostenic cordis.

Velvet:

Is that more expensive than a nervous breakdown?”

Maxwell:

Treatment protocols typically require years of intervention, provided the patient achieves complete digital quarantine and maintains absolute abstinence from follower-count metrics, and any reflective surface capable of triggering narcissistic re-inflation.

Velvet: 

So what you’re saying is… he’s incurable?

Maxwell:

In the clinical vernacular, we prefer “therapeutically non-viable in the current sociotechnical environment.”

Velvet:

Very sad.

Maxwell:

Full recovery would require him to accept that his bots were never real—a cognitive leap equivalent to asking a fish to comprehend the desert.

Velvet:

That’s bleak.

Dr. Maxwell:

No internet. No mirrors. And absolutely no cameras.

Velvet:

So he’d basically have to live like a normal person?

Dr. Maxwell:

Correct—which is why the prognosis is terminal.

Winston Velvet

Winston Velvet

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