Dossier Slaves Answer Question: Can Men and Women Be ‘Just Friends’?

In Part 3 of their video series on ‘Friendship,’ the Dossier Project answers the question: “Can men and women be ‘just friends’?”

The six women are the last of the once-105-member DOS sorority.

Raniere, their Grandmaster, is currently in prison for sex trafficking and racketeering – which included predicate acts, child exploitation, and possession of child pornography. 

Though he denies it, a jury convicted Raniere of photographing and storing 22 explicit photos of one of his female friends – then-15-year-old Camila.

The jury also believed Raniere withheld the immigration documents of her sister, Daniela – another female friend – causing her to remain confined in her bedroom for almost two years for the “ethical breach” of having a friendship with another man she kissed.

Daniela said the kiss provoked Raniere’s jealousy, requiring her penance in her bedroom.

Kristin Keeffe, another one of Raniere’s female friends, observed that in the 22 years she knew him, Raniere never had a friendship with a woman with whom he did not have sex. 

Once a female friend complied, Raniere insisted she could only have sex with him for the rest of her life.

Several friends did not adhere to his demands, for which he punished the women through various methods.

Raniere generally kept a rotating group of 20-25 female friends – whom he called “partners.”  None of them were permitted to have sex with any man (or woman) but him.  

The six Dossier Project women are lifetime committed, fully-collateralized grand-slaves to their grandmaster, Keith Raniere.

The Slaves Answer the Question:

Can men and women be ‘just friends’?”

Linda Chung:

I think it’s possible. I think it’s complicated, and probably really maybe the only way that it could really work out is if two people maybe have absolutely no physical attraction, felt anything for each other. That’s the only way I think it could work, like if they really just think of them maybe as brothers or, you know, brother-sister or something like that. I think.

Digest Version: Men and women can be just friends if there is no physical attraction.

Sahajo Haertel:

Yeah, so under certain circumstances, I think men and women can be friends. So if sex is totally off the table, then I think it’s possible.

For example, family members or if there’s a large enough age gap or if one of them is not straight. Other than that, I don’t know. I mean, my personal experience is that throughout my life, I’ve had a lot of male friends, often actually more male friends than female friends, but what ended up happening is that most of my male friends, at some point, declare to me that they were romantically interested in me and wanted some kind of a relationship with me.

I never asked them if that’s what sparked the friendship, like if that was there in the beginning, and that’s why they wanted to become friends with me. I don’t know, but yeah, I have a feeling that men and women often, the initial interest is kind of, you know, more of a visual, chemical one, like the chemistry. So I think a lot of times there’s basically just in a male-female dynamic, you know, one of the people might be interested in the other.

So, I don’t know, I really don’t know. I’d like to think men and women can be friends, just friends. But also, in my own experiences with most of those male friends or even my exes, as soon as the sex kind of was removed, that was no longer possible or like that was over, often the friendship ended. So unfortunately, I haven’t been able to maintain a friendship with my exes or, you know, past romances, anything like that, which I think is a shame….

Digest Version:

Every male friend wanted sex from me.

Danielle Roberts:

So the question is, can men and women be friends? And the first thought I had when I was asked this question is, well, can friends fuck? And if friends can fuck, why can’t men and women be friends?

Honestly, I think friendship has more to do with certain traits or certain values of honesty, vulnerability, trust, respect, then it has anything to do with gender. I think maybe being honest and vulnerable about our feelings around sex or attraction is more difficult, so it can make a friendship or an honest, vulnerable friendship between a man and a woman more difficult….

Digest Version:

Friendship is possible if we fuck.

Michele Hatchette

So, I used to think, like, oh, yeah, I’d just be like, I had a lot of guy friends. I was always like, not always, but like, I tend to be a guy’s girl. Like, I was very comfortable around boys if they were just there to be my friend.

But I also missed a lot of, like, as I got older, that maybe men didn’t just want to be my friends because I think women do friendships differently with each other, treat male friends like our girlfriends, which, without having the awareness of what we might elicit responses from them based on their drive or just being too nice or friendly.

Like, I’ve made the mistake a billion times just being nice, being friendly. But I wasn’t aware. So, as I have become aware and when I wanted to have friendships with certain men, I’ve had to just be really upfront and straightforward.

Like, I’m in a relationship or I’m not in a relationship, and this is just friendship for me. This is how I do friendship. I’m very open. I invite you over to my house. But it’s not because I’m inviting you over to my house, you know what I mean? Like, that’s just how I am. So, I’ve just had to make people aware of how I roll so it’s not like they think it’s something that it’s not, you know? But before that, I mean, a whole hot mess… Yes, but from what I’ve heard from men, you know, if they were given the chance, they wouldn’t be mad at the opportunity if they had it.

Digest Version: Men always want to have sex with me, so I have to be upfront about whether sex is possible.

Leah Mottishaw

You know, I’ve been thinking about it, and the people I really would like to talk to, to untangle this and clarify a little bit, is a pair of friends, male-female friends, where both parties are gay.

So, the woman is attracted to other women, men are attracted to other men. So, therefore, their friendship is not influenced or muddied by any kind of biological, pheromonal attraction on that level. So, what remains is an example of what two humans of opposite sexes are like when they’re friends without all that extra influence.

Digest Version: Men and women can be just friends if they’re both gay.

Angelica Hinojos

… I used to think it was possible, and you know, I didn’t recognize any of their emotions, any of their, their, our emotions, our feelings, you know, our sexuality, our hormones.

There’s just a bunch of things that I didn’t consider in the past, that now it’s such a different thing for me because – and it’s a cool experience – because I feel like I’m able to see them more when they open up. They’re like, yeah, no, it’s pretty rough. Like, they do have a very, you know, high drive sexually. And, you know, for women, it’s a little bit different. For women, it seems that it’s a little bit more like, yeah, maybe here. Yes, some people, yeah. Some women, yeah. Some women are like in the middle. But for them, it’s gotta definitely be challenging on what they’ve, they’ve shared. It is challenging for them to just be friends, right?

Also, understand and recognize that there is an instinct, and there’s, we’re not animals, and we can definitely, you know, do something with it and I don’t know, I just want to say, I guess, like, I want to say that it is possible, but you have to take into consideration the reality of things, and I think when you do that, it is really beautiful because then you can both see each other as who you are and what’s part of you, you know, you’re not your body, but it is part of you. Yeah I do think they can, they can be. It just takes a lot more work, a lot.

Digest Version: 

It takes a lot of work, because my male friends want to have sex with me.

Frank Parlato