Kim Snyder has been helping in the investigation into the disappearance of her sister Kristin Snyder

Kim Snyder: I Battled With Suicide After the Disappearance of My Sister

By Kim Snyder
In 2003, my family and I began a journey, one that we have tried to walk through with grace and dignity.
We received a horrific call- that my ONLY sister, Kristin Marie Snyder, was missing and could NOT be found, in Anchorage, Alaska, where she had lived since 2000.
My father, Capt. Robert E. Snyder, and my mother, Jonnie Snyder, had walked down the dirt road behind our house on February 5, 2003.
My father had just said, “how well things were going.” That Kris and I were enjoying our lives, and things were on an even keel.
Satan had a plan to destroy that, and he did!!!!!
On February 6, 2003, the worst call in the world came: Kris was gone, and would NOT be found.
Mom, dad and I boarded a plane for Alaska. Once there, all HELL broke loose, with total confusion- where Kris might have gone, and why.
Through all of this, God had a plan, Satan would NOT prevail.
There were searches for days, air, land, sea, and mountains. Kris was nowhere to be found; she was totally gone. We as a family, began the grieving process, NEVER crumbling under pressure. We stood strong together, with God bearing us on “Eagles’ Wings.”
Air, land and sea search around Millers’ Landing was conducted for days. Kristin Snyder’s body was never found.
We witnessed, even quietly- NOT saying anything to anybody.
Kris’ presence was with us. I felt that her death was a homicide, but could NOT prove it. I still haven’t been able to prove anything.
As the journey ended in Anchorage, I realized a chapter of my life was ending, a chapter I loved and cared about, would NEVER see again.
My heart was breaking within me. I was so tired, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. I was drained. When I heard we were going home, it was the best sound in the world. We landed in Florence, SC, near home and I wanted to kiss the ground.
Once we arrived in Dillon, I was caught in the arms of my pastor, tears began to fall. I was realizing that Kris was truly gone. The house was filled with people, but that is NOT what I needed.
My pastor told me, “go and take a hot bath, and come back and talk to people”. I  did just that.
Kristin Snyder with her little sister Kim Snyder.
Satan had a plan for me, to take me out. I was in the tub, alone, without my ONLY sister, I would be totally alone without her, when mom and dad were gone. All of a sudden, I heard Satan say, “take your own life, no one will care, you don’t matter”.
I immediately recognized Satan’s voice. I jumped out of the tub, got dressed, and ran to my pastor for help. He helped me with the loving and understanding arms of the scriptures, “I will never leave you nor forsake you”.
My dad’s brother and his wife arrived from Iowa. He got my attention right off the bat.
I was told, “I would have to do everything for mom and dad, that they would NOT be able to do things.” I was told to “grow up quickly”.
At that point, my life was spinning out of control. I was told that I needed Jesus, to help do everything.
My point was, “God had taken my ONLY sister, why should I trust God?”
I was shown, John 3:16- “For God so loved the world…”. I began trying that. It did get me through the darkest days of my life, the masses, the memorials, visits, etc.
Kristin Snyder was an avid kayaker.
As we prepared for Kris’ funeral and public memorials, I found out, “if I stay busy, I will NOT have to think about what is going on”.
I did that from moment one. It seemed to be a fog, I was ignoring the inner pain, but it was getting deeper and deeper. I would cry on my own; if someone appeared to speak to us, I would try and put a happy face to cover my pain.
I was so dependent on others to get me through from day to day- to keep me going. Satan was winning, the anger was growing, and I had NO place to take it out. I had to figure that out on my own. I did.
“My yoke is easy and my burden is light’. I had to go and hide and cry and release the anger and everything that was bottled up inside me. I released my emotions away from mom and dad.
I was desperate for a way out of my life, of HELL. I had a razor in the bathroom. I was going to cut the heck out of my arms but then I had a revelation, “who is going to help with their funerals? Is there more to do in this life?”
I left the bathroom, got my pastor to get me help with my anxiety and depression. I began my medicine-and it began to help. I was seeing new things.
I got busy for mom and dad. What was that? Taking in flowers, food, memorials, etc. I was making sure that everyone signed in, then, came a hurdle that I did NOT want to help with.
My uncle grabbed me and said, “you have to grow up and be an adult”.
I wanted to know what I was going to have to do next. What I heard was the worst thing in the world.
My uncle said, “it is time to prepare for Kris’ funeral.” You are going to have to go and work with the funeral home, get the supplies that you need- the sign-in books, but at that point, I had already made a home made sign-in book. I wanted that one- but my uncle said, “no, that is NOT real”.
So I went to Cooper funeral home, near our home, and started talking to those folks. All of a sudden, the smell of funeral flowers, the room spray, the overall smells overtook me. I ran out, crying, throwing up. I was sick as a dog.
The casket room door was open.  I could NOT imagine that I was going to have to put my sister in one of those. My thought was, “I should have gone first, because Kris could have taken care of mom and dad in their old age. Why was this happening? Who did this to her?”
Seventeen years later, I am still having to ask that same question.
The funeral home, trying to be very compassionate, loving, they were also asking me, in their own way, to “grow up and do what you are capable of doing for your parents and family”.
That thought was quickly kicked out, I was ALONE!!!!!!  That feeling has lasted for 17 years.
Upon arrival at home, after the meeting at the funeral home, I returned home. There were so many people, I wanted to run.
I didn’t want to talk to anybody, but I forced myself to stay in the kitchen, and be in my own corner. As long as I was busy, I was okay.
The minute I found out Kris’ funeral mass was set, I was sick all over again. Mom and I went to the church, set up, we were alone- the cross before me, the world behind me. The cross was hanging in the church with Jesus’ arms spread wide open. I could NOT look at it right then, I was so angry at God, for taking my ONLY sister. I watched mom set up Kris’ photos for the funeral, and the flowers, she was so strong, I wanted to be her. We left the church.
I got home, had to take a shower, I smelled like the funeral home again. I couldn’t stand it. It made me sick to my stomach.
That night, was Kris’ funeral mass- at 6:00 pm. We left the house for Kris’ mass. As I looked out of the funeral home car windows- I saw other people going about their lives……wanting to be anywhere but that funeral car.
The closer we came to the church, I was sick again. I saw the hearse- that said it all…..I was in so much pain, my heart was breaking, I knew Kris’ body was NOT in that hearse, but it was nevertheless “finality.”
Death had me by the throat. I was in such bad shape already, the question was, can I endure this? Will I endure this?
Benny and Deborah Cooper, from the funeral home, ushered us, as a family, into the church. I was stuck in the middle of mom and dad- they sobbed the whole time, like we did in Anchorage. I couldn’t look at either mom and dad. During the service, I tuned it all out- it was more than I could handle. I was in my own bubble- alone, sad and depressed. I cried during the whole service-it was miserable being there- and knowing, the quiet was destroying me.
 As mass ended, dad invited people back to the house-to eat with us, but actually, I knew about that plan, it just hit me harder to look at him crying and red-eyed.
As the mass ended, I told mom and dad I wanted to ride backward in the other funeral home car. I sent my Uncle with mom and dad, because dad and his brother look so much alike. I could NOT handle seeing my dad or my uncle at that time.
I just wanted to be “free” for a minute. As we neared home, there were so many people there, I finally lost it in front of people- but it didn’t matter- I was releasing anger and desperation.
Kris and I didn’t begin to really bond until the end of her life. I visited her, she challenged me to be like her. We hiked, bicycles, walked, did dinner together, camped out, etc. She actually wrote my parents an email while I was visiting her, and said I was meeting every challenge face to face. Said she was very proud of me. I was loving being the younger sister. I wanted to be her, so many times!!!!!
On that fateful Saturday, before Kris disappeared, while I was living in Marion County, SC, I received a desperate call from Kris.
She talked about my future, what I would do with it. She was NOT usually a talker, but that Saturday she was.
At the end of the conversation, she did something very strange. Kris was a tomboy, she would NOT often say “ I love you”. On this day, Kris kept saying, “I love you, I love you, I really, really love you.”.
I beat myself up- so many times, that I did NOT hear that cry for help. I know now, that Keith Raniere did something to her, or if he didn’t- he had someone to do with it.
I have wanted “Justice” for her. It has NOT happened.
On the day of the public memorial, we took the flowers to the cemetery. I knew I couldn’t tell Kris that I got her killers put In jail- it still hasn’t happened. Almost 17 years of the “guru” being free to do what he wanted to do.
Kris did NOT deserve what happened to her. I have wanted relief, the pain has been so bad, that all that I wanted, was to be out of pain.
The funeral was over, but I still had to see people. I was so tired that I surrendered to Jesus. I had to. I just want answers to Kris’ death, and why she had to die.
My family and I have been accused of so many allegations, abuse, killing my sister. Those things are very painful- but I can’t let those things eat away at me.
I wanted to be Kris- why? She was tall, blonde, blue-eyed, and a real “beauty”. She was in a beauty pageant, representing “Ms. Junior Ms. 1989- Dillon High School”.
Being in Anchorage, things were NOT adding up. It did NOT become real that Kris was dead. It became “real” for me seeing the hearse at the church!
Kim Snyder

I was NOT wanting to live anymore. The photos are ALL that we have to keep Kris’ memory alive. She is a beautiful young lady.

Kris is a beautiful, tall, blonde young woman, who needs to be remembered, for her all of the things she did. The sad thing is, my son will NEVER be able to meet his Aunt Kris- but he hears us talk about her.
I have to continue to try to get justice for Kris.
We want to know what happened- we know Kris is in heaven- I need Justice for her- someone needs to talk- they all need to tell what happened to Kris- we deserve closure.
That by the Grace of God, He saved me, and it is Grace by God that will lead me home 🏡 to heaven- to see Kris and dad again

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  • Kim Snyder
    Rat- the issue that you have brought to our attention, it is strange that Keith got Kris’ body over the border in Canada 🇨🇦 and through customs in Mexico 🇲🇽 without her passport- even wrapped in a blanket. There is NO way that happened. Where did things really happen? Mexico 🇲🇽 closed the NXIVM rainbow garden, and all of the other things there. There is nothing there now.
    Where did things really happen and why? What took place? Was Keith really there? What time? Where? Was she drugged? By who? What drug?
    Was Heidi Clifford there? What was Kris wearing when you saw her last? Where is the body?
    If this story you told us is true, please call Frank or come back to us with information that is true.
    What really happens? How did Kris die? We have the right to have closure. Please answer these questions, Rat. This is 17 years in.
    Please tell us the truth. Kim

  • Kim let me apologize for writing so much to you. You are a beautiful woman but I will not say anything more. Have a great day and just know you are a hero.

  • I’m not Scott Johnson. I’m not an incel. I may be lacking in self confidence but I deserve to have a woman. I just had a dream of someone beautiful but I don’t deserve someone like Kim but the comments here are cruel. I always did not have confidence.

  • In my opinion there three most interesting people oh this website are Scott Johnson, Kim Snyder, and Bangkok.

    Kim is a Hero. Scott is a genius and brave too in his valiant fight against Anway and Bangkok is insightful.

    Shadow State has plenty of ingesting thoughts too.

    But Kim and Scott are number 1.

  • I know I’m not much of a man, I guess. But even a wimp can look at a queen. So I admire Kim. I shouldn’t have told her I suppose but I just wanted to say it. Johnny Strong is not even my real name. But I do live in Alabama. I had a girlfriend but she left me because I have no self-confidence.
    I’m a loser and Kim is like a goddess. She has all the confidence and intelligence that any man would find fascinating.
    Kim, I’m sorry I wasted your time. Don’t be mad.

    • Definitely Scott. Trying to conceal his identity by throwing the Alabama curveball. Might as well have said he has a radio show and hates Amway with all the other easy clues he gave about himself.

  • Kim is nice looking but you, Mr. Strong, you are an incel. You don’t deserve Kim.
    Go away and hide your sorry ass in a closet. You don’t have the right to speak to Kim the way you did. So shut up, soyboy.

  • Mr. Strong, you are a wimp. Grow a pair and fess up your love for Kim. Maybe she might like your ugly puss.
    Take it from me; don’t be a coward.

  • Kim, you are beautiful. I know you will not like me. But I think you are quite a lady. I am too shy to give Frank my number. You wouldn’t like me anyway. I stutter and am not good looking.
    I live in Alabama in an apartment and I am very lonely.
    I don’t have a car and I am on a fixed income. You can do much better than me.
    I don’t have any self-confidence.

    • Ursula/Mr. Strong
      It’s obvious that you are the same person since you’re both using the same email address.

  • Kim. I don’t know if you even want to hear from me? But you’re beautiful. I’m smitten

    • Mr. Strong – if your intentions are honorable towards Kim, you may feel free to call me. My phone is 716-990-5740.

  • I agree with Johnny Strong. She’s hot and smart too. If I was a man, I would be very interested in her.

  • Kim Snyder
    Johnny- NO I am NOT married- I have a job with the VA in my home town, and I am a full time mom.
    I try to help others- when I can. I do a military project- and am known “world wide”. I love ❤️ the single life!
    Thanks for your sweet comment!

  • Listen, your sister was “murdered,” Kim. I am sorry to break this news. she is dead not hiding. Keith made it inevitable she “kill herself.”
    But she did not die in kayak.
    Do not try to find out who I am. I will write later if safe. Maybe I will call Frank. He is the only one I might trust. But I have to be careful. I don’t want to disappear like your sister. In Mexico, people disappear and nobody can protect me.

  • I loved this article. It has the ring of truth. Kim, you are a good writer. You took me right to the scene and I feel like I walked a mile in your shoes.

  • Kim, It must have taken a lot for you to bare your soul and expose yourself as you did.
    I think you should be commended and not criticized. Who is this Jonathan McCrumble anyway? It sounds like a fake name.

  • I liked your article, Kim. You’ve been through a lot but you’ve persevered. I hope you get justice in full someday.

  • I did not believe Kim until I read this. I know she is telling the truth. Why in hell don’t you can McCrumble. He’s a fool.

  • Kim, you go girl. You rock. Don’t let the naysayers and creepy critics get you down. They are so wicked they want you to commit suicide. They are Keith’s trolls.

  • Inspirational and heartbreaking at the same time. Kim you should be a counselor or write a book. Bless your heart.

  • I loved this story and it helped me more than you can know Kim. I had suicidal ideation myself and your story helped cleanse me of them. A thousand thanks.

    When I think of what I might have done I still tremble. You helped me. And of course, Jesus did too. But you were his instrument of healing.

  • Bangkok. Time to grow up. Be more like Scott.”–Anonymous

    Sound advice!!!!!!!

    Scott Johnson is the modicum of success!!!
    Scott has a one bedroom home with a broken above ground pool, and a Platinum Plus Comcast cable/phone package subscription.
    Scott Johnson is definitely someone a young man should aspire to be.

    Warning and Disclaimer:
    Becoming “successful” as Scott Johnson may lead to suicide or alcoholism.

  • So Kim is “suicidal” 🙄 and she hears voices 👹? Come on Kim why take us down this path? You already have our sympathy. You said you had just gotten close to Kris in the end. For real? So what about the beginning and middle? It’s a bit twisted for you to lament on suicide under the circumstances. Besides cutting up your arms isn’t even an attempted suicide, it’s a cry for attention. 🤡 Lastly Kris saying, ” I love you” and making it sound like a cry for help seems a tad bit far fetched.
    May the Lord be with you 🙏

    • Peaches, there is no doubt that Kim has suffered a great deal over the disappearance of her sister. And recently she has been the subject of harassment from some people who seem to be connected to Nxivm and one of Keith’s former harem members.

      • Absolutely fascinating. Here we all are and you’re telling us that Nxivm is harassing the victim? This is very concerning. I wonder if whoever it is had a hand in Kristin’s disappearance. I’m looking forward to reading about this for sure.

    • Cutting up your arms can be very effective if done correctly. If the cuts are made across the wrist, there are too many tendons that get in the way of severing a major artery/vein. However, if one cuts in line with the forearm, it is much more effective. Good luck! LOL

  • Is there any chance of ever solving the mystery of what happened to your sister?
    Can law enforcement get involved?
    Is Keith going to ever pay for this crime?

    Or is it better to just forget? Not to be rude but Kristin is dead. What we don’t know is how she died. Should the family just mourn their loss and try to move on knowing that one day they will meet in heaven?

    I mean let it go. Keith is in prison; is there anything more that needs to be done?
    I don’t know. It’s not my decision. It’s the family.
    I don’t know what I would do if I lost my sister this way. Would I try to find out what happened? Would it make a difference? I mean she’s dead. Will anything we find out bring her back?
    I don’t know what I’d do. Kim, I’m not trying to be rude. I just don’t know.
    Best of luck
    Jane Wylie

  • While I sympathize with your loss, I simply don’t believe for one minute that you ever ‘seriously’ considered suicide.

    People who *really* consider suicide don’t talk about it in general terms like you do —— they plan out a *very specific* plan to do it without anybody being able to stop them.

    But not you.

    People who talk about it in general terms are usually just looking for extra sympathy and attention.

    People who really wanna commit suicide simply do it. It takes balls.

    And please stop disrespecting my Lord and Savior. He doesn’t appreciate you questioning his existence.

    Have a wonderful day.

    • Mr. McCrumble, I believe Kim. She was saved by our Lord and Savior and you should not denigrate her decision to speak out and share to help people.
      Sir, If you really are Saved I would advise you to search your heart and soul and get down on your knees and ask His forgiveness.
      Do not blaspheme further. We want to see you in heaven, Sir.

    • Mc-Grumble you dirty
      Varmint. Stop that pig mouth of yours. Kim tells a blessed story and you put her down. You are a sad representation of the Holy Spirit. I fear for your eternal soul.
      Repent ye sinner. Stop Satan’s sway over you. Come to Jesus. I see your roasting in the brimstone pit of eternal damnation.
      Stop ye dinner and come to Jesus
      Thank the gracious Lord that Kim was saved. But you may not be so fortunate.

    • All had praise for Kim except you, Bangkok. Time to grow up. Be more like Scott. He stands for something. He is a crusader against Anway. Kim is trying to stop suicide. What do you stand for?

      • Bangkok stands for DEMANDING answers and then being too scared to ask them on Scott’s radio/podcast. LOL

        • Bangkok trans cends COWARDLY. He needs to trans port his COWARDLY self to a phone and call me. LOL It will be trans formative, Mr Kok. LOL Are you too chicken to call? Do you need a tongue trans plant? Do you need a trans later? LOL

    • Bangkok, Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, as well as his daddy – God – told me that you and NiceGuy 666 need to come on my radio/podcast or you both will burn in hell for eternity. LOL

      • Sorry, I meant to say “…told Scott that you and NiceGuy 666 need to come on his radio/podcast or you both will burn in hell for eternity.” Third person is difficult, especially when you’re having so much fun making fun of bozos! LOL

  • God this is beautiful a deeply touching story. This is the Other half of Keith Raniere the half we tend to forget. The family of the victims.

  • Kim. It would have been very bad if you committed suicide. Oh how horrible that would have been. Your poor mother having lost one daughter and then losing you. It would have been too much.
    Thank God you found Him. Great story with at least half a happy ending.
    God bless you. .

  • This story should be read far and wide. This brave woman opens up and tells the whole world about her depression after her sister disappeared.
    It is a shocking and heart sending story. I am shocked by it and frankly shed a few tears over it too.
    Kim you are a true hero.
    And for those considering suicide -please read this story and be saved by the healing power of God.
    Whether you are Christian, Hindu, Jewish or Muslim or any other religion, God is our only protection from the darkness in the world.
    I hope one day we find out what happened to Kristin Snyder. One day perhaps we will.

  • Someone should do something to find out the dirty truth. This is an outrage and I think a full Investigation is required.
    Please do not give up Kim until the truth is heard. Go for it and never stop.

  • Kim I never realized how much you and your family suffered. You really brought us on a lonely and horror trip.

  • Kim:
    Perhaps you should contact attorney Neil Glazer of the law firm of Kohn, Swift and Graf.
    He is suing the leaders of NXIVM and you can become a plaintiff,

    For information about this lawsuit please call Neil Glazer at 215-238-1700 or email him at nglazer@kohnswift.com

    If you need help with this lawsuit I am sure Frank Parlato would help you contact Mr. Glazer.

About Frank Parlato

About Frank Parlato

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

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Frank Parlato was the lead investigator and coordinating producer of Investigation Discovery's 2 hour blockbuster special 'The Lost Women of NXIVM.'

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