Yesterday, Frank assigned me to do a story about how Nancy was shagging her dentist – as if anyone cared. Today, he assigned me to do “the eyebrows of Nxivm”. That’s right. To report on the shape of the eyebrows of Nxivm women and, in particular, Lauren Salzman.
Frank said, “Keith Raniere ordered his slaves not to groom, trim or shave their pubic hair. He also did not let them cut their hair without his permission. So what did he require of his ladies’ eyebrows?”
I really don’t care. And nobody else will either.
This eyebrow nonsense started because of a comment by Brigid and while I appreciate her efforts – that’s where this topic should have stayed – as a simple comment, not a whole post.
Here is Brigid’s comment.
Was there a local aesthetician who was doing all their eyebrows? Like Lauren Salzman, is she trying to capture the ‘femmes of MS13 gangland’ look with the drawn-on with a Sharpie bizarrely-placed permanently-surprised look? What did she see when she looked in the mirror at those U shaped eyebrows?
Lauren looks utterly insane in every photo because of her eyebrows.
But then I noticed that she isn’t the only one with that same shape and odd position of the hook brow.
Thyroid problems will make the brow thin on the outer part, and I suppose anorexia will make them simply fall out. Lauren’s appear purposefully misshapen. To me they are so striking I can look at little else in these photos. Where were these women’s minds that they failed to see themselves in the mirror?
While Keith complained when Lauren posed for a naked snatch shot because it seemed she had trimmed her bush but he does not seem to have any problem with her trimming, shaping and plucking her eyebrows.
What about those pheromones?
OK. So where do we go from here? Suppose I told you I was quitting the Frank Report to pursue my lifelong dream of being a plastic surgeon. That should raise a few eyebrows.
Which reminds me of a joke Keith Raniere used to tell his first-line slaves.
“They’re called eyebrows because you’re ‘eyes’ are ‘brow’sing my fine cock.
I’m getting tired looking at pictures of these dunces and commenting on their eyebrows.
The eight first line slaves who were going to give Keith a group blow job and eyebrow massage.
Sara Bronfman-Igtet is not on the chart above – the chart of Keith Raniere’s inner circle – as prepared by the government in the trial of Keith Raniere.
No one knows why she was not pictured with the inner circle. She was certainly one of the top leaders of Nxivm.
I’m running out of things to say about eyebrows.
OK. This is it. The last set of eyebrows.
A good looking man walked into a singles bar, bought a drink and settled down ready to use his best lines.
But for the next two hours, every woman he approached gave him the brush-off.
Then suddenly a really ugly guy named Keith Raniere walked in and within seconds he was surrounded by beautiful, available women. A few minutes later he sauntered out with a striking brunette on each arm.
The handsome guy was thoroughly despondent. Turning to the bartender, he said: ‘I don’t get it. How did that guy walk out with those two when I can’t even get a phone number?’
‘I don’t know what his secret is,’ said the barman. ‘But he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows… .’