Another superb sketch by MK10ART - of Vanguard and Prefect

Ex-NXIVM: Keith’s behavior is filled with contradiction. It wasn’t till recently that I grasped this

[Editor’s note: An anonymous reader made this comment. The person may or may not be a former NXIVM member, but either way, it rings true to me.]

By Ex-NXIVM Member

NXIVM was about creating an ethical, just world, but the means it justified doing that did not conform to ethical standards.

It used money and power to intimidate and harm others. It was OK to distort the facts, sue people into submission and use the fortune of the Bronfman’s to gain favor with the NYS Attorney General and New York State Police.

The question for me is: how did I get there? What part of me was attracted to this? On the most basic level, I knew nothing about those particular events but perhaps I was attracted to the air of superiority that “we knew best and could save the world?” Furthermore, is there a part of me that is a sociopath, a liar, a thief? I wasn’t totally innocent. I couldn’t have gotten myself into this unless some part of me was attracted to this. The person I was attracted to most was found to have over 500 K in cash hidden in her home. What does that say? That’s not exactly the actions of someone who is really committed to changing the world, rather it’s the behavior of someone who has an escape plan from society. And, I had thought she was cute!

The reality is I detest myself for my own behaviors and I can’t blame that on NXIVM; they were in me before I got to NXIVM. It’s not pleasant even to admit this anonymously but there is no other way to get beyond it – this grotesque behavior – unless one comes to terms with it.

About the author

Frank Parlato

Frank Report’s founder and lead writer Frank Parlato is one of the internet’s most acclaimed investigative journalists. His writing and investigations have helped expose major criminal organizations and scandals.

Frank’s work has been cited in major publications all over the world, including The New York Times, New York Post, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CNN, Rolling Stone, and more.

He is also the publisher and editor-in-chief of Artvoice, The Niagara Falls Reporter, Front Page and the South Buffalo News.


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    • This is the best of all possible advice from Scott. You’ve faced your dilemma and now you’ll be looking to explain what happened. You can only go so far on your own with this, for your balance of mind, to restore justice to your life, you need to explain to those adversely affected all you know. because you are straight enough to understand your part in this, your intelligence will be respected and will be highly useful in ensuring that justice is served proportionately, the law will serve and protect you, if you are prepared to serve and protect it. Its almost impossible NOT to forgive someone who is truly remorseful. And almost impossible to forgive someone who is not.

  • A lot depends on how long you knew about such activities and once you knew they weren’t ethical did you stay?
    Did you personally participate in nefarious activities once you knew the truth?
    Did you knowingly assist in the harm to another?
    If so are you knowingly accepting responsibility for you actions and making amends?

    • Possibly a Nx troll, I agree. Double Anon-type flat tone that’s also recently appeared here. Along with everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Frank but were afraid to ask.

      …If troll, to what end?

      To convince us that those who joined Nx were “flawed” sociopaths to begin with? And that they’re nonetheless to be pitied?

      Or is the troll mission to ensnare FR in some legal trap knowing the likes of Schlock (with his slander, etc. priors) and other alien forms won’t hesitate to pounce on even AUSA Moira Penza like rabid beasts?

      • Heidi, you,are correct about the odd, flat tone D.A.uses. (I’ve certainly heard similar during the last few years of dealing with these idiots)
        I’m not convinced that these types of trolls are nxivm members (it’s possible) but I I’m pretty sure they are cult members of a variety.

        While I’m also doubtful you are really Hutchinson (and I only say that because shortly after you began posting, you started to comment about me for no reason, which I found odd….) I can only assume you have some reason to post here.

        If these are really NXIVM members, I can’t imagine that they would think it beneficial to them to post the type of comments posted by D.A. How could it benefit them in any way?….The fates of those who have been arrested, or will be arrested, have nothing to do with comments posted here. It has to do with actual EVIDENCE, not the opinions of random people.

        So why do they post fake stories? It’s interesting because the people (harassers) I’ve dealt with, did exactly THAT. They invented fake stories which they used in order to post on a certain website thread, then befriended me there, convinced me to join a private chat group, and were then able to get some private information from me.

        Any connection to these types of apparently fake nxivm stories?….maybe.

  • Ex NXIVM members have posted comments without really giving much away. What bad and unethical things did you people actually know about? Tax evasion? Money laundering? The harem? What bad things were you involved with? Financial crimes of some sort? Recruiting women for Raniere to fuck?

    • I don’t agree often with any of the Anonymi, but I also am frustrated by the vague confessions of regret by Expians.
      I would be nice to hear what nefarious things they were brainwashed into doing, and/or what they KNOW others have done.

          • Hit enter too quickly.
            He is far from being the only troll.
            It’s unfortunate it is so toxic here now.

          • Sure, I could, but I won’t.
            Sadly, I think the other constantly name changing troll that is always putting smiling faces with their deranged comments and Flowers are both more toxic than Mr. MLM.
            It’s unfortunate miserable people are determined to pollute this place for everyone else.

          • Hi Just, obviously I’m way behind on my FR comment reading so you may not even come back to this thread but I understand and agree with you 100%.

            The “smiley face” freak and Flowers show real signs of dangerous instability. Flowers was actually stalking me online to antagonize me outside of FR. I hope for Frank’s sake these aren’t anyone he’s linked with or beholden to. (Someone said smiley is a “Stefan?” or I woulda called it female or some kinda shemale misogynist with all the “toodles” 🙂

            It’s a disappointment that you’re not sharing probably the best of your story which is probably very relevant even if time-barred And therefore won’t emerge publicly otherwise. But again I completely understand and have expressed my misgivings privately to Frank about sharing more of Gina’s story when the little windows I’ve tried to crack open to enlighten readers with facts or anecdotes of the past were so blatantly misused as a tool to humiliate me and other victims and prevent us, them from coming forward and speaking out especially on this forum.

            Maybe we can look forward to some changes on here. Frank DID promise to ban the nasties at one point and IDK how much nastier it gets but I agree we can’t expect real openness in such a hostile, bullying, female-unfriendly environment.

          • Well, I don’t know now if you’ll see this reply, Heidi, since I am tagging along two days behind your reply. I am not checking wordpress as often.
            I have always appreciated your posts, and am consistently horrified by some of the responses to them.
            I strongly suspect some of the hatred coming your way is just because Frank posted an attractive photo of you. This seems to be a particularly triggering area for all three (or however few there actually are) of these perpetrators.
            They are clearly seriously miserable, mentally ill persons.
            It would be good to see things improuve, but, sadly, I am not holding my breath.
            Wish you well in all you do.

          • Excuse me? Stalking you online? How did I do this? Please explain . I never contacted you outside of Frank Report, ever, so stop fabricating tales about me. What I did is I put the name Heidi Hutchinson into a twitter search, and saw that she/you/whoever created that account was following NXIVM members. That is stalking???
            Too funny.

About Frank Parlato

About Frank Parlato

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in major publications all over the world, including The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CNN, Fox News, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, and more.

Frank Parlato was the lead investigator and coordinating producer of Investigation Discovery's 2 hour blockbuster special 'The Lost Women of NXIVM.'

Frank Report is dedicated to Frank's investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth.

Read more about Frank Report's mission.

If the whole world stands against you sword in hand, would you still dare to do what you think is right?

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