Editor’s note: The following is a confirmed and vetted letter from a former member of DOS.
By an EX-DOS SLAVE
Hey Frank –
I’d like to share my experience being in ESP and DOS.
I left all NXIVM companies the second I found out what and where women were being branded. I ask you to please keep my name private – but do share whatever parts of my story below that might help stop any more women from getting involved with this twisted sex cult.
To anyone thinking of joining ESP – or continuing in ESP, then buyer beware.
People can easily get into ESP and find “the good” in it right away. Which is why so many of us joined, and stuck with it for years despite all the weird things we experienced, and all the bad press that already existed online.
This is not the first time ESP has been wrung out online.
I say ‘buyer beware’ because if it runs the course it did with me, and my friends and family, you better make sure you get out and get your friends out before you leave.
Once you leave ESP, you’re labeled a suppressive person and disconnected from the existing members of ESP. It’s tough to communicate with those who are in it when you are not. Since leaving, I’ve had many best friends stop communicating with me, and label me as “crazy girl” for choosing to leave.
I did not originally want to write about this, but I feel it’s important given that women are still being duped into being branded in the name of their personal growth.
To provide some context on what I’m about to share, I was in ESP for 5+ years as a coach. And a slave in DOS for 1+ year.
At first, ESP was great – it helped me so much – it’s about working hard, living a joyful life. These are good principles. I slowly started centering my life around ESP and the stripe path. Even though my mom and dad never took ESP, they would often comment at family dinners saying “So are you close to becoming a Proctor yet?”
(A proctor is considered a professional coach who gets compensated for her work – as opposed to a regular coach that is not paid for hundreds/thousands of hours of work on the path to becoming a proctor).
I was a good little student. I attended all of the Ethos classes, went to all the coach summits and attended V-Week every year I was in the cult.
Eventually, spending time with my family, on my business, at work, or with any of my non-cult friends came second to working on rising up the stripe path and hitting the ultimate ESP dream of being an orange-sashed proctor.
Some weeks I would spend more time working at the center for free than at my job. This was all unpaid labor.
The thing about ESP – is all the information you receive about them is from them. You are not allowed to be critical of the organization. In fact, we are told that anything anyone writes online is written by suppressive people who couldn’t handle this type of advanced personal growth we are doing.
If you question them or their practices, you are told it’s “your issue” and that you need to work your fear about whatever topic you are trying to discuss.
It’s kind of like trying to have a conversation with a two-year old. You bring something up, and they just sidebar you by telling you ‘you’re having a reaction.’
So then you need to go get an “EM”, which is paid-for therapy with an unlicensed professional who doesn’t claim the money you give them on their income tax returns.
The whole thing is a big sham.
HOW I GOT INTO DOS
But moving on to how and why I got into DOS, and why I think anyone reading this who is in it or has a loved one in it, needs to get them out.
Some people have asked me, “Why did you join DOS and give collateral knowing that they might release it if you didn’t uphold your word?”
(BTW: there never was a clear contract on if you do “x” we release “y”… The whole collateral thing was vague).
My answer for these people is that DOS is a bait and switch. They sell you the idea that DOS is for breaking down your pride and humbling you as a woman. That it’s the ultimate curriculum, just for women.. and what a bonus that it’s also free.
So, you join.
Who’s going to turn down a new, awesome program that your best friend is selling to you for no cost… well, except the cost of some nude pictures, and made up video confessions.
You truly don’t believe anything bad will happen with the videos they make you give.
ESP has always done weird, edgy things in the name of your growth, so this wasn’t actually too weird for me to consider handing over made up fake video confessions to get accepted.
I was never told that once I joined, I would be asked to stop dating.
To wear a collar.
To get myself branded so that I could humble myself.
Nor was I told I’d be on 24 hour readiness drills.
So to the people saying you “caused” this situation you are in… ‘go fuck yourself.’
To make the situation worse, I was asked to enroll my ‘coachees’ into being my slaves. I found this request disgusting and completely unprofessional. I was given a lot of pressure to enroll my ‘coachees’ despite me saying this was crossing an internal, professional boundary to make my paying clients (coachees) into my slaves. Barf.
ESP has brainwashed us all into thinking we are responsible for being in the condition we are in and we should just get on with it… and we do.
At a certain point we have to realize we were victims of a cult.. which is why we believe everything we are told. This is one of the worst things ESP has done to us… they’ve committed a terrible fraud in robbing us of our belief about how we see the world.
We don’t cause everything. For fuck sake, Keith will go on about how he caused his own birth and WW2, yet he can’t see or take responsibility for how he caused DOS?
It makes me so angry to know that our friends taking ESP courses, Jness, SOP and even the DOS slaves are good people! They think they are doing good. Which is why they are giving up their money, their families, their hobbies, their health and not going on vacations and living nice normal lives. Because they believe ESP is telling them the truth.
It’s stealing their perception of reality and faith which is worse than anything. We are dealing with people who don’t realize they are victims.
I have been, and continue to pray for my friends who are still in it. The NXIT community is awesome, and we have support available for anyone wanting to leave ALL OVER THE WORLD.
Contact someone if you need help leaving.