Birthdays Without Mothers Courtesy of CT Family Court

Happy Birthday M.

You are 15 today. It’s been almost two years since you’ve been with your mother, the woman who raised you.

I’m writing to you, M, because I believe you are old enough to understand. I also believe that even though your father may try to prevent you from reading this, you will somehow read this and understand why the Connecticut Family Court took your mother away.

And why that was corrupt and how not only you and your sister and brother are victims, but your poor mother too.

Dr. Dorothy Stubbe, your psychiatrist, advocated for you M. You remember her, I know you do.

Your father stopped you from seeing her when the courts took you away from your mother.  She was fired immediately after the “temporary order of custody” was given to your father on April 24, 2020.

But Dr. Stubbe tried to do what was best for you. She wrote a letter to the guardian ad litem – you know her too – Jocelyn. She is the one who, for money, took you and your brother and sister out of your happy home and placed you in the home of regrets, of sadness, loneliness and longing for your mother and all your family – the ones your father won’t let you see anymore.

You know her as Jocelyn. She is a lawyer, Jocelyn Hurwitz, and the Connecticut Family Court appointed her to consider and advise the court on your “best interest.”

Sadly, she put her own be$t interest in front of yours, my boy. When you become a man, you will realize there are vicious, sociopathic, very evil people in this world, people without conscience, who care not about other people’s children. They are not in the majority – most people are good – but they often get into powerful positions.

They are strong and have power and it is our duty, mine now, because I am an adult, and yours, my boy, when you become a man, to oppose these vicious people.

“What do we do when the strong bully the weak?” they asked the Great God.

“Why we must thrash the strong, of course,” He answered.

Jocelyn must be thrashed, must be exposed. She is of such unique evil that she would sell your happiness and blithely go about her way singing and whistling all the way to the bank.

People like her are only interested in her own best interest – and the money she could make from your father – by giving custody of you to your father and removing your mother, the one who loves you best – the one whose love for you, compared to your father’s , is like the difference between the sun [mom] and a light from a firefly [your dad] – meant a lot more money for Jocelyn.

Your father stole all the money that belonged to your mother – just before he filed for divorce.

He planned all along to steal your mother’s money and he wanted custody of you and Mand S because he did not want to pay money for your support, alimony and share the money that your mother and he owned jointly because they were married.

I do not need to tell you he has no love for you – you have said this a thousand times – to anyone who would listen.

And I know it is true, for what good father would deny his children the right to be with their mother, to see their mother, to share custody with the mother – the one who raised you all your lives until he lost his job for stealing – for that is what plagiarism is – stealing the words from another.

Before I mentioned Dr. Stubbe, your kind psychiatrist. She sent a letter to the beast Hurwitz. I have a copy of that letter and she had asked that wolf Hurwitz provide a copy to Judge Jane Grossman. But the wolf who devoured your happiness made sure it never got before the judge.

I put Jocelyn Hurwitz’s face on a wolf’s body because she is a wolf, who goes after whatever she can for her own gain. If that means removing you from your happy home, so be it. She does not care about you, she cares only for the money. It is funny too, M,. she has children of her own. This too you must understand: To some, especially greedy individuals, they only love their own. They have no love for humanity, only for themselves and their kith and kin. The wolf Hurwitz will kiss her own children goodnight and comfort them but think nothing of the pain and lack of comfort you have because, for money, she took your mother away from you.

Dr. Stubbe is a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Yale Child Study Center.

He is some of what she wrote about you:

“M and his two siblings were adopted as infants…  Their mother has been the primary caregiver for all the children… Mr. Ambrose has become more involved with the children in the past several years, [after] his work requirements decreased [after he got fired for plagiarism] …

“M… is a terrific adolescent who is bright, very sensitive, empathic, and has a well-grounded sense of morality….

“M… should have a role in deciding with whom he lives….   He has been very upset that his father was tape recording him and his siblings at the house. He described feeling that he has no privacy at his father’s house. His father removed the doorknobs from the bedrooms so that the children could not lock the doors….

“1) He feels that his father has made false allegations toward him and his siblings. He feels that his father is trying to prove that he and his siblings are mean to him, and that he has used secret tape recordings “against us.”

“2) He said that he feels safer and closer to his mother. “She takes my feelings more seriously.” When asked how, he said that if he was with his mother and wanted to see his father, his mother wouldn’t stop him from going. But if he is with his father and wants to see his mother, he is forbidden. He said that he feels comfortable talking openly with his mother, but he fears that he will be made fun of by his father;

“3) He feels closer to his mother. He noted that his father worked a lot when he was younger, and he has always been closer to his mother. He also worries about his youngest brother, whom he described as quite frightened by the sudden decision by the Court to have the children go live at his father’s house, without even being able to contact his mother to say goodnight….

“M feels more connected and bonded with his mother. He has expressed that he feels that his mother takes his feelings and wishes more seriously. I believe that it is in his best interest psychologically to have a say in his custody arrangement….

“Being forced into a living situation that he feels is invalidating will be detrimental and, I believe, rather than facilitating a closer relationship, will only cause more animosity towards his father…. in my medical opinion, it is in the best interest of my patient, M, that he be afforded substantial input into decisions regarding his custody arrangements.

“As a sensitive and thoughtful adolescent, I believe that a decision in which he is forbidden contact with either parent would be detrimental to his psychological well-being. He deserves to have a close relationship with his parents in a manner that is developmentally appropriate, and which validates his adolescent needs. I also believe that M will form a closer and more mutually-caring relationship with his father if he feels a sense of control and agency….”

***

Here is text you wrote, M, one month after the Connecticut Family Court took you out of your mother’s house and never let you return to her.

I know how you missed your mother and could not comprehend how you were uprooted and placed with your father.

That you could not even speak with your mother.

I want to also have you recall the second last birthday you got to spend with your mother, in 2019.

That was just after your father was fired and finally returned home to Connecticut after living in California for all those years.

He could not find work. He knew he had some money saved up – that was his and your mother’s money.

He knew after stealing others’ words he might not ever work again. So, he turned to stealing your mother’s money. To do that, he had to steal her children.

But that birthday – you will remember for the day before he let your dog, Cody, be killed – yes, he did it and you know it and on your birthday he tried to gaslight you that it was your fault.

I will conclude part one of my message to you, my boy, with the story of Cody so people can see what kind of a beast Jocelyn is to force you to be with your father [bad enough] and just, for money, prevent you from seeing the one who loves you, who despairs every day for you being out of her life, your mother.

February 19, 2019.

You had a dog named Cody, a two-year-old cockapoo who loved to run when he got out of the house and had to be retrieved by finding and collaring him.

Your father told sick jokes to you about how Cody would one day end up badly, “being harpooned,” or “impaled by the fence,” or, worse luck,“ hit by a car.”

Your father hated the dog. He would chuckle, “It would be a shame if Cody got out and never came back.”

On February 19, in the evening, you opened the door to let your father in the house and Cody ran out.

Cody escaped.

You ran out, my boy, to get your dog. You almost had him collared, but your dad ordered you back in the house. You know all this. How your dad went out himself but came back because it was too cold and besides, he was making stew and couldn’t leave it unattended.

You recall that your wonderful neighbor, Stacy Blau, called to say Cody was on her porch. She told your father that she was prepared to collar him and bring him home to you.

But your father lied to her. He told her he put a dish of peanut butter outside the door and Cody loved peanut butter, and would come home to get the peanut butter. No worries.

Damn the fool. He never put peanut butter out. Cody didn’t like peanut butter. He never ate peanut butter in his life,

Just a total lie.

After leaving Stacy’s house, your dad finally got his wish. Cody was struck by a car and killed.

When your dad heard the news, he appeared to cry. Your dad is quite good at faking tears. They call them crocodile tears.

But you really were sad, and on your birthday, it was a solemn day.

Made more so by your dad reminding you again and again that had you not left the door open, the dog would not have escaped and still be alive.

But I still think it was him, M. He knocked and you answered. You tried to rescue the dog, he would not let you.

Stacy could have safely protected the dog, but your father lied about peanut butter.

So, my boy, I have to go for now, but I will write you more tomorrow, more about what happened. I know it is not a happy birthday and that saddens me, but the tide may turn, and your mother may be allowed to see you again.

And hope is happiness sometimes too.

Meantime, please be a man and give courage to your sister and brother and be stoic against the hurt your father puts upon you. Protect your sister and younger brother. Your day is coming and all bright and wonderous things will be yours.

Your mother will come to you again, my boy, and the good God will “once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.”

Frank Parlato