Here is another crazy American story.
And “it’s official” – as Nxivm sex cult leader, Keith Alan Raniere, used to say.
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow, 47, who is almost as infatuated with her vagina as Raniere is infatuated with his penis, is now selling a candle advertised to smell like her vagina.
The candle sells for $75.
And if this seems fishy, it really is not. It does smell like her pussy, she says, and she does sell the candles through her lifestyle and wellness company, Goop. The name of the candle is, “This Smells Like My Vagina.”
This is the new high watermark of feminism.
Its origins are a bit stinky, Paltrow admits. She first came across a peculiar scent when she was working with a perfumer. Taking a sniff of one particular concoction, Paltrow said it reminded her of the odor of her vagina.
Her company went right to work on it – presumably testing the scent against the real thing and it was finalized for the “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle.
Perfumer Douglas Little and Paltrow worked together to perfect the official fragrance.
The company advertises it as “a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent.”
Goop advertises that their vagina candle “is a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed – that puts us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.”
Paltrow’s actual vaginal odor is likely a blend of bacterial vaginosis, lactobacilli, urea, sweat, vaginal bacteria, trimethylamine, anaerobic bacteria, and possibly a forgotten tampon – that puts us in mind of menopause.
At this juncture, I would like to point out that Paltrow wants you to accept no inferior substitutes but to buy the official “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle from her company.
Which reminds us that Nxivm cult leader Keith Raniere has forever corrupted the word “official” for his students and friends.
Raniere once explained, “Now there is this whole thing about changing the word ‘official.’ Ah, I have corrupted people’s minds…. Probably an awful insult. Worse than saying a woman… is ‘piggie’. That’s pretty bad: ‘She’s piggie.’ That’s not womanly, but to tease a woman about her [vaginal] odor, saying that she’s about fish. She’s a fish – hole. O-ffic-ial.”
In 2018, Goop settled a lawsuit with the state of California paying $145,000 surrounding their “vagina eggs,” which were advertised as being able to help regulate females’ hormones and negate menstrual cramps. It was a large porous egg that women were supposed to put inside their vaginas. It didn’t work as advertised.
On the poster of a Netflix show, “The Goop Lab With Gwyneth Paltrow,” Paltrow appears to be emerging from a vagina.
Last Christmas, Paltrow was seen in an advertisement, buying a vibrator for herself.
After Gwyneth shakes herself up a couple of Martinis and talks about getting high, as in wearing heels, and the narrator says “someone’s double-fisting,” Paltrow “struts” through the kitchen with her drinks.
The narrator then says “Do something for others but don’t forget about No. 1” and Paltrow pulls a vibrator from a Christmas stocking and keeps it for herself. “Yes, that is a vibrator.”
In 2016, Paltrow revealed she does vagina-steaming and admitted she had became hooked on the treatment. V-steaming is where a woman squats over steaming water containing herbs such as mugwort, rosemary, wormwood, and basil.
While the official Paltrow-smelling candle may seem a bit pricey, The Kate Awakening@kate_awakening on Twitter offers a cheaper alternative that smells about the same or better than Paltrow’s snatch-scented candles.
And unlike Paltrow’s candles – you can eat them too.
Frank Parlato 
Janine Morrison 
J.J. O'Hara 
Richard Luthmann 
Marie White 
Paul Serran
Please leave a comment: Your opinion is important to us!
So exactly what does it smell like? A bathroom door of an old tuna boat?
For that old fashioned look with multiple vagina candles, go classy and buy Paltrow’s candelabia.
Gwyneth Paltrow, winner of the Oscar award for best female performer for “Shakespeare in love” and a descendant of rabbis, would eventually have converted to Judaism, according to a media outlet in her country that cited close friends of the famous American actress. His late father, movie producer Bruce Paltrow, was Jewish, while his mother, Blythe Danner, is a Christian, so the protagonist of “Iron Man” was raised in both cultures, but over the years she became a cultist of the Kabbalah. In 2006, Paltrow said that he descended from “seventeen generations of rabbis,” which is why he considered himself “a Jewish princess.” Five years later, the star attended the genealogical program “Who do you think you are?” Of the NBC, which certified his lineage and after that he would have decided to raise his children Apple, 10, and Moses, 8, in an environment Jewish, which could have influenced his marriage breakup, last March, with Coldplay singer Chris Martin, who is a Christian. “Creating a meal for my family and friends, sitting together, eating, laughing and talking is what puts me; Oh my God! If you saw the amount of food I make; I am the original Jewish mother! ”Said Paltrow, 41, at the presentation of her cookbook“ It’s all good ”in 2013.
I am in the market for pussy essential oil.
I can’t even fathom how big the world-wide market would be for a drop under each nostril whenever you need a lift during the day. This could be huge solution in search of a market.
Of course this is a ridiculous product and hysterical article. Some of the comments are really rich, too.
On a serious note about a related subject, I, for one, would purchase and use an essential oil that smells like pussy; I wonder how big the worldwide market would be for a daily-drop under each nostril?
Gwenny seems to be a criminal like Raniere. She allegedly slammed into a doctor while skiing and tried to avoid taking responsibility. She even allegedly bribed a worker who made the report about it change it. Gwenny got sued by the doc for damages. Not sure how it ended up. Some people say she is a sociopath.
Do lesbians use the candle as a dildo? Lit or unlit?
Would anyone not think it weird is some asshole sold candles that smelled like his sperm ? Gwyneth is fair game.
Would she get as much attention with this product if it were named “Armpit” or “Schweddy Balls”? I think it’s quite clever.
With her name on it, it would prob do well. Maybe not sell out, but the shadows of the world would kick the tire.
Girl Scout Cookies,
I might be an asshole, but I want you to know I purchased 2 boxes of Thin Mint™️ cookies, yesterday from a Girl Scout and her dad. I even went against my wife’s wishes because she is on diet…..So there!
You should spend less time online this week and more time selling cookies! 😉
I’m also betting men who never bought a candle in their lives are the primary purchasers.
To the women here: if your husband bought one, would you be furious?
If I was married I would be furious at myself for marrying such an asshole who would waste such an amount of money on a candle, something that disappears into nothing!
–waste money on a candle, something that disappears into nothing!–
But the vagina odor lasts for days. Priceless!
It’s a gag gift that has the double benefit of providing a ton of free publicity for the Goop website.
Paltrow is an obnoxious schemer and ingenious marketer.
The one I bought has a yeast infection.
I’m sure it did!
You must have bought yours from Scott Johnson.
I think you are right.It says Amway in very small print on the bottom inside of a brown circle that smells crappy.
Since Lauren Salzman and Pam Cafritz had a thing going maybe Lauren Salzman would like a whiff of Gwyneth’s vagina
She opened a big old can of…… well , comedians are going to love this.
Long time reader of the Frank Report here. Never commented here before but was compelled to by the comments to this article. I’m not a snowflake libtard, thanks. I can laugh and roll my eyes about the goofy, New Age, Hollywood gone nuts aspect of Gwyneth Paltrow’s candle but the toilet humor article and lengthy misogynistic, disparaging remarks about her vagina are no different than the disgusting comments that Keith Raniere made about women, (calling to mind the video where he compared “official”, to “a fish hole”). So congrats, all of you, for making yourselves look like women-hating assholes like the Vanguard himself.
I actually agree with you, in part. But it is bazaar. And any woman that decides to sell a candle that smells like her netherworld has to be expected to face the brunt of jokes.
It is humorous. It’s a crude concept begging for crude remarks.
But yes, some of the comments are unnecessary.
lengthy misogynistic
Get lost lady. You have commented here before under different names. The broad put out a candle that is supposed to smell like her twat, the ultimate in feminist narcissism. She is no better than the bimbos who enabled Raniere and helped him get to where he was. Cram your misandry where the sun doesn’t shine.
That doesn’t excuse your generalized misogyny.
I don’t need it excused, dummy, since it does not exist.
Unlike the misandry, you practice in you vile life.
Misogyny reeks from the pores in your skin basement boy.
Maybe it is time you to a good healthy dump and got rid of that misandry that you are so full of . Anonymous loser
To MisterX – I legit get where you’re coming from. However, nobody is probably happier about this article and the comments than Gwyneth. She made the candle hoping it’s name would draw lots of attention (like this), and she could sell lots of $75 candles. In other words, she started it. She knew this would be the reaction of the world. Now, she is gleefully watching everyone talking about it, and watching the candle sell out. In addition, she is probably on the ground laughing at all the jokes. If you can’t take the heat, don’t make a candle that smells like your crotch.
MisterX has already ordered a dozen. Closet thing he’ll get to pussy since orally gratifying Raniere.
“Sorry Gwyneth – Only The Best Tasting Tuna Gets To Be StarKist”
The candle sold out within hours!
Freaks.
The Paltrow candle went viral on Twitter.
Bet AnonyFaker, shadowboy , niceboy and Rachel Maddcow bought 99% of them.
I have better uses for my money.
But I would wager Rachel Madcow, Ellen Degenerate sand Oprah each bought a truckload of this item.
Toni Natalie. Need I say more guys?
Gas Porter, aka Nicki Clyne
Are you saying you want to smell like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina?
Gas Porter, aka Nicki Clyne:
Who would you rather smell like?
Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina or Toni Natalie’s vagina?
I wonder when Chet is eating that lying bitch’s puss, if he can taste Raniere?
Hilarious! You can’t make this up. I can’t wait for the first paparazzi pic of some perv doing a scratch and sniff from a magazine at the dentist office.
Who’s going to sue her for FALSE ADVERTISEMENT? I bet Avanetti would take the case! Imagine how the “discovery” would go? “Now Ms. Paltrow, we’re going to need to confirm your claims so would you kindly spread you legs and we’ll take turns smelling your vagina and then the candle”! I’m sure a few of the jurors like nice guy and anonymaker might have to make MULTIPLE comparisons!!
That’s HILARIOUS. HAHAHAHA
In all honesty, though, I doubt nicefag would even be on that jury. He would have no clue of what a vagina smells like.
Mitch,
I love the smell of sweet cherry pie! I will gladly be a judge. Your grandma smells like Rhubarb pie but tastes like key-lime pie, very acidic and too tart….
…..Your grandpa likes his after I have personally added a nice dollop of refreshing whip-cream.
Wow what a mental midget.
At this moment….Somewhere on the east coast of the US…. a sinful Sultan of Six is feverishly praying to Allah for Kristen Kreuk to release her own scented carnal candle……
…Maybe a generous, Allah will deliver a Kreuk Queef™️ air freshener as well.
That’s HILARIOUS. HAHAHAHA
haha i love these reports. thanks frank
In light of all the tech advances in sex robots making the news–the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard–I am actually not surprised anyone came up with this idea.
Sultan is down in the dumps today, why couldn’t it have been a product made by Kristen Kruek?
Kristin Kreuk’s four decades old cunt probably smells like chicken chow mein.
You know some of us eat breakfast while reading FR.
What’s next, Raniere as the lead in Last Tango in Paris?
Thanks for ruining an-otherwise perfectly good meal.
Wretch….barf….egggehhh.
Maybe Goop’s next product will be a facial lotion that smells like Gwyneth’s ass hole.
And it will go on sale at Macy’s, Bloomingdale’s, Nieman Marcus, Nordstrom’s and other fine stores.
LOL Shadow. She will claim it smells of roses, of course
It would smell closer to the Corpse Flower.
And it will fly off the shelves into the hands of eager buyers because half of America is cray.
Amorphophallus titanum
Due to its odor, like that of a rotting corpse, the titan arum is characterized as a carrion flower, and is also known as the corpse flower or corpse plant
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amorphophallus_titanum
SHADOW – at the Missouri Botanical Gardens is a corpse flower. I had the great honor of seeing it a few years back. Huge and yes it does smell like a death. Anyway it is worth adding to the bucket list if you are into gardens, botany (trying not to use the word/name Flowers). LOL.
This is funny as hell. I haven’t stopped laughing.
Ok Gwyneth, if you’re reading, I’ll buy a candle if you can prove to me that’s really your scent.
HAHAHAHA
I can hear the dinner guests now. ” Is that….is that…–”
(On a serious note, leave nature alone and don’t go blowing steam up there)
This is so funny and the tuna candle at the end.
“Paltrow’s actual vaginal odor is likely a blend of bacterial vaginosis, lactobacilli, urea, sweat, vaginal bacteria, trimethylamine, anaerobic bacteria, and possibly a forgotten tampon – that puts us in mind of menopause.” 😂😂😂😂
Thanks for the light relief.
Seriously, what did the world do to deserve her and goop? Can we sew her mouth up and perhaps that beloved vagina?
LOL
I am outraged by the cost of one can of Sunkist tuna. $2.69 what the hell? That cannot be correct. I will be checking the grocery store tomorrow.
As for G.P…..well….she is goofy. I could say off color things about her, but why? I don’t really care. If people want to overpay for a candle with a funny label…well…they are goofy too.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s Coffee Enema.
Paltrow is not necessarily any more representative of feminism, that Sinaga the serial gay rapist (previous story) is of churchgoers. That’s a canard.
Whatever real issues with feminism, or forms of if, there may be, women are also genuinely struggling against the sort of attitudes and abuses that are rightly decried here, when committed by the likes of Raniere, Epstein, and so on.
Get lost, numnut. Typical libtard. News flash, Slick; Hollywood is full of sick fucks.
Kid, if you pay attention while growing up, or go so far as to study history, you’ll realize that there are sick fucks everywhere, like the bible-thumpers and gay conversion therapy promoters who’ve been caught with rentboys or playing footsie in public restrooms, not to mention all the pedophile pastors and priests – some of whom qualified as celebrities in their own circles. Such things don’t follow ideology; it’s culty to think they do.
While there examples on both sides, I believe the percentage of perps are much higher on the lib side. Also, if Paltrow was a conservative, both sides would be loudly criticizing her. However, she’s a lib and I didn’t see this story in the news, only on Frank Report. That says volumes.
Scott, I think that if anything all the pedophilia cases in the Catholic Church, various evangelical and fundamentalist Christian ministries, the FLDS and Jehovah’s Witnesses and so on, suggest it’s the other way around – and it’s plausibly explained by those groups being so sexually repressed, that behavior comes out in the most inappropriate ways. But to be fair I’d have to say it should just be treated as a toss-up unless we have some good evidence and research beyond just anecdotal observations.
And as far as I can tell, the biased conservative media sources protect their own just as much the liberal ones do. Because some people reflexively object to citations of news sources like the New York Times, I’ve taken to also checking Fox News on stories so that I can cite them when possible – I believe in being “fair and balanced” enough to go to that sort of extra effort – and it’s eye-opening to see what stories aren’t even covered at all by Fox News.
And where do you think Frank got this Paltrow story? A quick fact-check shows that it’s on Fox News, but I also see it on sites like People and Hollywood Life.
There are a lot of religious people who are liberal. A big deal is made about the Evangelicals voting conservative, but that doesn’t mean everyone in the congregation votes conservative. For example, Catholics are well-known for overall being much more liberal.
I’m okay with Fox News not covering all of the stories that the numerous liberal channels cover. There’s only so much time, and I view Fox as a counter to the liberal media, so you can go to the ABCs, CBSs, NBCs, CNNs, MSNBCs, even ESPN, etc., to get the other side. I often view those other channels to find other stories, but mostly for the entertainment value. It’s amazing how many times they are wrong and won’t admit it. It’s also eye-opening the stories that ALL or almost all of the liberal media doesn’t cover. That fact is much more telling than a single counter-liberal channel not covering the other side.
I don’t know where Frank got the story, and I don’t claim to know every single story that Fox News covers. I certainly don’t spend much time on People or Hollywood Life.
–Catholics are well-known for overall being much more liberal–
Actually, only 22% of Catholics are liberal. And having been raised Catholic, I am surprised it is even that high. But I’m more surprised that anyone would think what Scott said.
https://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/religious-tradition/catholic/political-ideology/
They don’t take it into the voting booth like non-Catholics do: https://www.americamagazine.org/politics-society/2017/04/06/new-data-suggest-clinton-not-trump-won-catholic-vote
Most moderates are liberals who don’t want to admit it, so it’s more like 60+% who are libs.
Interesting you leave out your fellow Islamo fascists once again Slick. You are really one hypocritical vile piece of garbage. Every fucking thing you post is seen through the lens of your blatant hypocrisy. Anonyfaker please dry up and blow away you abject phony.
Kudos to my follower Anonymaker. Praise be Allah for his enlightened presence. He serves the prophet well as the future belongs to Islam and our treatment of those beneath us….women, children and homos. Our cult treats them as the Koran dictates.
Don’t forget the sick Fucks that stalk for decades and interact with little girls on the Internet.
I consider you a sick fuck. You protest way too much slickster. Fact is your comparison of this flaming libtrd feminist to the other goofball as an example of a diehard feminist to a non-Christian, was like comparing apples to dogshit and, of course, you love the dog shit.
How delusional these Hollywoid Feminist Elites are. They are so in love with themselves that all they can think about is how good their genitals are and how they want to share them with the world because, of course, they’re convinced it’s the diversity everyone wants.
Seventy-five bucks to smell like Gwynneth Paltrow’s vagina.
Now you know why Ricky Gervais told the Hollyweird celebrities at the Golden Globes that they are crazy.
You wouldn’t even throw that junk in your garbage for fear of attracting all of the neighborhood cats.
Gwynneth Paltrow’s company Goop markets a number of dubious and dangerous products.
“Goop, and by extension Paltrow, have drawn criticism by showcasing expensive products and promoting medically and scientifically impossible treatments, many of which have harmful consequences. The controversies have included vaginal steaming,[131] the use of jade eggs, a dangerous coffee enema device, and “Body Vibes”, wearable stickers that were claimed to “rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies” and which Goop falsely claimed were made of a NASA-developed material. Goop settled a lawsuit regarding the health claims it made over the jade eggs.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gwyneth_Paltrow#Goop
Let’s read about Gwynneth Paltrow and Vagina Steaming:
“In January 2015, Paltrow advocated for a spa treatment referred to as vaginal steaming, a process she reportedly underwent at the Tikkun Spa in the Los Angeles area, wherein “you sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al.[sic]” Paltrow admitted that she thought that the process was “insane” but did not disavow it, instead suggesting that it has “real healing properties.” Gynecologists were critical, with Draion Burch, an obstetrics and gynaecology specialist, indicating that “there’s no scientific evidence that shows it works.” An article published on July 18, 2017 in TheStar.com documented the ongoing battle over this issue between Paltrow and Jennifer Gunter, an OB/GYN for Kaiser Permanente in San Francisco, whom the Toronto Star dubbed an expert in “vaginal health.” Also in 2015, Timothy Caulfield wrote a book on the negative impact of celebrity endorsement called “Is Gwyneth Paltrow Wrong About Everything?” in which he described the lack of evidence for several products sold by Goop and endorsed by Paltrow, as well as health claims made by other celebrities.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goop_(company)
So ladies, pay Gwynneth Paltrow big bucks and she will shoot hot steam up your private parts.
Sounds like advice from Dr. Danielle Roberts and Allison Mack.
Side effects of vaginal steaming include:
“Side effects and potential dangers include: allergic reactions, second-degree burns if the steam is too close,[1] and vaginal infections.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_steaming
Some writers have called vaginal steaming “Sorcery for your vagina.”
Gwynneth sold jade eggs or Yoni eggs for vaginal and pelvic exercises.
What do medical professionals say about inserting objects in your vagina?
“Inserting foreign objects into the vagina increases the risk of infections and can lead to vaginosis or toxic shock syndrome.[22] Overuse of such Kegel exercises, with or without a device, can lead to pelvic pain and pain during intercourse.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exercise#Pelvic_toning_devices
Gwynneth Paltrow also marketed a coffee enema for $135 dollars.
In “triumph of ignorance,” Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop touts $135 coffee enema
To be clear, the caffeinated “deep detoxification” is a stupid and dangerous idea.
https://arstechnica.com/science/2018/01/gwyneth-paltrows-goop-wants-you-to-start-2018-right-with-a-135-coffee-enema/
What do medical professionals have to say about coffee enemas?
“A coffee enema is the injection of coffee into the rectum and colon via the anus, i.e., as an enema. Medical authorities consider this procedure to be unproven, rash, and potentially dangerous. and there is no medical, scientific evidence to support any positive health claim for this practice. A coffee enema can cause numerous side effects, including infections, sepsis (including campylobacter sepsis), severe electrolyte imbalance, colitis, polymicrobial enteric sepsis, proctocolitis, salmonella, brain abscess, and heart failure and deaths related to coffee enemas have been documented.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_enema
And the people in Hollyweird wonder why the public regards them as insane.
Now Paltrow can diversify her line of candles, before and after steam treatments, with different combinations of herbs, at different times of the month. The potential combinations are numerous.
“Now Paltrow can diversify her line of candles, ” Scott Johnson
How about “This Smells like Gwyneth Paltrow’s Barf?”
Different smells from different meals.
Back in the day the rumor was Gwyneth’s post-sex ritual was to amuse her date by inserting a wick in her vagina and lighting it, if the sex was good. If the sex was bad she would ignite her anus without a wick.
What a CUNT. What is wrong with these people? I bet her cunt-hole smells like cat food, piss and that stale old woman smell.