First the “good news”: Keith Alan Raniere AKA federal Prisoner 57005-177 has been released from the SHU and is back with the rest of the prisoners at the Metropolitan Detention Center (MDC) who are awaiting sentencing for the crimes they were convicted of or pleaded guilty to.
And that concludes the “good news” portion of this post.
Seriously, getting out of the SHU is pretty much the only good thing that’s happened to the Vanguard recently.
Everything else has been part of the slow slide into oblivion that occurs for most inmates who are facing long stints in prison.
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
One new problem that Keith had to deal with as soon as he got out of the SHU was the serious case of head lice that he picked up while he was there.
But, no big deal, right.
Modern medicine has provided us with numerous over-the-counter products that will get rid of the little buggers. Most of them come in the form of shampoos – which generally take just a few treatments to get rid of the problem.
The Bureau of Prisons, however, has its own treatment regimen for head lice.
It’s called “COYH”.
And it’s pronounced “Cut Off Your Hair”.
Yep, the hirsute one has had his locks shorn.
We’re not sure yet just how short his new look is but it’s definitely a lot shorter than the Harry Potter-look that he featured at his trial.
“There is Only One Cure for Grey Hair…”
According to P.G. Wodehouse, “There is only one cure for grey hair. It was a Frenchman who invented it. It is called the guillotine”.
Yep, in addition to having his locks shorn, the former mastermind of the NXIVM criminal enterprise has stopped using prison dye jobs to cover up his rapidly graying hair.
Maybe he thought that a younger look would help convince the jury that he was not the lecherous old man that various witnesses testified about.
You know, the guy who hasn’t been real hard in a long time?
Well, in any event, for right now, the Vanguard is going au natural – which turns out to be quite grey.
Maybe this is a new ploy he’s devised for the sentencing phase of his case.
Maybe he thinks that Judge Garaufis will be inclined to give a lighter sentence to an older man.
Maybe he didn’t look very closely at Judge Garaufis during the trial.
Has Vanguard Hired a New Team of Attorneys?
Even while he was in the SHU, Vanguard was meeting with what appears to be a new team of attorneys.
We don’t have any names yet – and it’s possible that they’re from the Brafman & Associates law firm that provided his lead counsel, Marc Agnifilo, and back-up counsel, Teny Geragos.
Teny Geragos – Still working for the Vanguard or fired?
In any event, the new team includes two women and three men – and Raniere has already met with them several times.
But, as previously noted, the arrival of the new team of attorneys has also resulted in Raniere curtailing his trips to the Law Library at MDC.
The Vanguard is used to having people do things for him – and the idea that he might have to spend some of his own time working on his appeal must have been anathema to him.
Fortunately, just like his clothes used to appear, his new team of attorneys has appeared.
Note to Clare: You may not be very attractive or very bright but at least you’re loyal. I had a dog with the exact same qualities when I was a kid – and I still cherish him to this day.
The Vanguard Seems Depressed
Remember that high-energy guy who was furiously writing Post-It notes throughout the trial – and who was always engaging in whispered conversations with his attorneys?
Well, that guy has left the house.
In his place is a very subdued guy – some even used the words, “seriously depressed guy” – who sits around all day watching TV.
Just sitting in his plastic chair with his prison hoodie on – and watching whatever program other inmates choose to watch.
The cockiness and energy that he exhibited throughout his trial are entirely gone.
He’s just a shell of his former self – and looking a little dazed at what’s going on around him.
He may be on some sort of medication that’s causing the listlessness.
Or he may finally be coming to grips with the fact that he’s likely going to spend the rest of his life in prison.
Another Boo-Boo for the Vanguard?
No details as of yet in terms of what happened to him but the Vanguard has been sporting some sort of splint on his lower arm/hand area.
Not sure if he broke a bone or just sprained something.
Fortunately for him, he’s being treated by that crack team of physicians and nurses that offer the very best of medical care to all 1,600 inmates at MDC.
So, if all goes well, they won’t have to amputate at all – or at least they’ll do so below the elbow.
Viva Executive Success!
Stay tuned for more updates on the Vanguard…
Shaving the head doesn’t work. The lice eggs have to be removed with a special ‘Nit Comb’ followed up by several applications of an insecticide shampoo. In an environment like Raniere’s current lodgings, it would take a lot of effort to wipe out the infestation from the whole population. And then it will break out again if a few eggs are missed, as they are quite resistant to the chemical that kills the mature lice.
I wonder if the “new team” is just second- and third-stringers from Brafman & Associates who bill at lower rates, since Raniere may not be able to afford a lavish appeal to match the spare-no-expenses original defense that Bronfman funded.
Its nice to know that this year Raniere will get the birthday celebration he deserves.
I have made a commitment to having a different Italian Iced Cream every day for the duration of Vangone week.
Thats what I call real Executive Success.
I’ll bet Keith Raniere looks just like Yul Brynner in the “King and I.”
Or like Yul Brynner in the Ten Commandments.
Any idea if the legal defense fund that Clare Bear, the brainless wonderless trust-fund baby who has nothing better to do with her checkbook but take care of her sometimes love VanTurd Daddy, is still in play?
Everyone sing now…
I dont care what you say anymore, these are my lice! Go ahead with your own lice, leave me alone”…
“He who has the most lice wins.”
(From a new ESP module Nancy is currently proofreading.)
If the garlic ape actually shaved his body. it would look like a murder scene. I’m pretty sure they only have single blade razors available to him.
Cool Facts for K.R. Claviger:
Scientists were able approximate the date when humans first started wearing clothes around 170,000 years ago, by studying the evolution of lice into two separate groups head lice and body lice.
Keith Raniere’s robust body hair may allow the head lice to travel to once evolutionary forbidden regions normally not accessible by normal head lice.
Keith Raniere’s poor head lice may devolve.
Link to lengthier article:
Lauren, Nancy, Clare, Kathy and Allison…. Get ready ladies. Lice is readily available for you also. Woman in prison can be the crulest.
Well, they probably had to shave VanGuard’s back, ass, balls, and chest. That is one hairy dude.
It doesn’t matter if you shave the head, because the lice will just migrate to other parts of the body and re-infest his head later.
I have a sneaking suspicion, that this won’t be Queef’s last run-in with the Mitey Lice.
What happened to Raniere’s altruistic intentions? Taking over the world and saving humanity can still be worked on at MDC, where the poor lost souls probably really really need the guidance from the world’s smartest impotent man with ringworm and head lice and a nice stretchy handjob splint.
Maybe Keith’s just shaved his head to appear more monk-like to keep Sara Bronfman interested in picking up his legal tab.
Finally, a true renunciate indeed!
I wouldn’t consider getting out of SHU good news, and the injured arm proves it. The really good news is he got rid of that late 70s/early 80s long hair look. Perhaps he is coming to the realization he isn’t a college student any longer, no more late night pizza and f*cking women all the time. I wonder whether they shaved his whole body, he is quite hairy from the photographs of his chest we’ve seen, plenty for lice to thrive, and I assume it is also quite hairy “down there,” the appearance of which is even more pronounced since he sports a shrunken and flaccid d!ck at all times.
I’d be quite happy to see Clare (shudder) Bronfman spend her entire remaining fortune failing to get Raniere out of jail.
Same. Any money she’s wasting on Raniere is money she can’t throw at those who’ve run afoul of NXIVM over the years. Waste away, Clare…
A sprained wrist/forearm/hand can often be the result of postprandial masturbatory acts.
After stuffing his face with MDC’s best gourmet bologna sandwiches, he likely spanks his monkey at a pace that may cause sprains.
Based upon Keith’s lack of coital relations during the past 18 months, it’s very likely that his balls may be bursting with anticipatory pleasure, which in turn may cause him to engage in frenzied masturbatory acts in order to achieve ‘release’ and empty those balls.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
18 months ago, he had a dozen twats ready to fuck him every day, but now he must resort to spanking his monkey in MDC while dreaming about the good old days.
Happy Birthday, Keith! Vanguard Week is nearly upon us.
Wonder what Nicky Clyne and the rest of the slaves are gonna do for Vanguard Week? Probably have extra readiness drills at 2 am, while taking cold showers to build more character.
Oh, what a great life she has. From Battlestar Galactica to readiness drills and cold showers. Her parents must be proud of baby bear.
For more info about monkey spanking just ask Niceguy.
Wifey is often not in the mood due to boning clients (female attorneys tend to bone clients).
If I were him — and I thank my personal god that I’m not — a paternity test for junior wouldn’t be out of order, just to be sure.
Niceguy has gone on record as not having kids, or at least ones that he knows about.
You are a fan of the film “Wall Street”.
I love it when you try to insult me…..
Can you please remember the pertinent facts regarding my biographical information? I do not have children so the paternity insult/joke is moot.
Bangkok you’re so mentally challenged you can’t even insult people correctly.
BTW Have you been sniffing mommy’s diaphragm again? Whenever you are aroused, you always mention “Monkey spanking”. I think you are subliminally referencing the movie “Spank the Monkey” because of the son/mom relationship dynamic. Am I right?
You have a nice night, you little dipsh*t!
You sound like you’re an expert in the dangers of spanking Bang-cunt, as if you have excessive experience with them.
…And you sound like your turned on yah freak show!
I remember one of the piles of bullshit they tried feeding us in the intensive was the “tech” could reverse graying hair. Hey, their lips were moving so you knew they were lying.
Sure hope he goes back to running his head into other inmates fist and feet.
He needs to rebrand himself with dashing new image.
Perhaps he could go for this look, which another highly ethical humanitarian, sported whilst in prison.
Lice love beards, too.
Awesome news thanks Krclaviger!!!!
Do you remember the old adages “It takes one to know one” or “birds of a feather flock together”?
Well allegedly Woodey Allen partied with Jeffrey Epstein at his Virgian island home…
Mia Farrow is not the bitter ex wife after all…..
Jeffrey Epstein & Woody Allen with Woody’s allegedly retarded adopted daughter and now wife.
SideNote facts about Woodey’s adopted daughter/wife.
1. She has never had a picture taken ever driving.
2. She is never alone, out shopping by herself or otherwise alone.
3. She supposedly attended college but no college acknowledges she was a past student.
4. Her former child psychiatrist claims that she would be unable to graduate college unless she had tutors and and even that is dubious. The same Child psychiatrist stated that she should not be allowed to drive a car.
Woodey claims his adopted daughter wife is not slow. She’s never given an on air interview of any kind…..
But did he get rid of the ringworm?
There might be bugs on some of you mugs but there ain’t no bugs on me.
I’m appalled by the lice pictures. Poor thing. If he was housed in the Santiago zoo with gorillas they could kindly pick and eat them off for him.
When people have pubic lice, it’s called “the crabs”
After reading about the orgies at Vanguard Week, it’s a wonder no one came down with the crabs after those debauched festivities.
Shadow this just shows how valuable you can be to the Frank Report when you are not obsessing over B minus actresses.
“When people have pubic lice, it’s called ‘the crabs'”.
Really educational stuff. I mean a majority of Frank readers, male and female, had probably never heard of the crabs. Good work old boy.
To hear you talk about orgies and debauched festivities is funny because I am fairly sure the extent of your debauchery is your worship of Allison Mack at the shrine of the calloused palm.
(Full disclosure as to the current extent of my debauchery: I am a happily married 64 year old man. I enjoy having sex “doggie style” with my wife: I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.)
Scotty J sometimes calls you “Captain Obvious”. I propose that you deserve a promotion based on your tireless efforts here on the Frank.
How does Major Asshole sound?
What’s next, a report that there was a 55 gallon drum of Kwell in Hitler’s bunker?