Editor’s Note: A commenter using the moniker “Behold” has used his mathematical skills to determine the quantity, if not the quality, of Kristin Kreuk aficionado Sultan of Six’s devotion to the virtue signalling taxpayer funded actress.
By Behold
Was waiting for the kettle to boil and decided to read the Frank Report and the comments.
Surprise, surprise, resident stalker “SultanOfSix”, aka “Scarrom” “Karl Basset” “Jesse” etc is still ejaculating his low testosterone semen all over the comments regarding his dream spank, Kristin “Crook/Kook” Kreuk.
That got me thinking about two of the greatest mysteries of our times, that has eluded academics, scholars and laymen all over the internet:
1) How many spanks has Spanky spanked out to Kristin Kreuk.
2) How much semen, in milliliters has he ejaculated over Kristin Kreuk.
*******
Lets say he started to stalk and spank it to Kristin Kreuk since 2005. That seems like a reasonable time frame.
Lets assume he has spanked it TWICE WEEKLY at a minimum, every week, for FOURTEEN YEARS (God Almighty…)
That would be:
– 96 spanks a year
– 1344 spanks over the course of fourteen years.
**********
According to a quick google search:
“When a man reaches orgasm, he ejaculates fluid called semen. On average, men expel between 1.25 and 5.00 ml (1/4 of a teaspoon to 1 teaspoon) of semen each time they ejaculate. But this amount varies from man to man.”
********
Lets say Spanky ejaculates the minimal amount of 1.25ml or a quarter teaspoon of low testosterone jizz, every spank.
That would be:
– 1.25ml a spank
– 2.5ml a week
– 10ml a month
– 120ml a year
– 1680ml over FOURTEEN YEARS.
*****
That is INCREDIBLE. What a sensational feat of unrivaled, unrequited infatuation to a woman who doesn’t even know he exists.
******
Lets put this in perspective:
1680ml is the equivalent of:
– 1.68 LITRES of low testosterone goo
– 7.100945 CUPS of goo
– 94.60434 IMPERIAL TABLESPOONS of goo.
– 3.70 POUNDS of goo.
*****************
A round of applause please, for one of the most prolific spankers of the modern internet age:
http://gif-finder.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/AGT-Clapping.gif
Frank Parlato 
Janine Morrison 
J.J. O'Hara 
Richard Luthmann 
Marie White 
Paul Serran 
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Confucius say , ” Man should learn to masturbate” , “Comes in Handy” 🙂
Peace Y
[…] The two stories of “Behold’s” that seemed to have offended Sultan the most were: Mathematician computes devotion Sultan has for Kristin Kreuk […]
[…] note: The following, done by a mathematician, using the moniker “Behold,” once before made a marvelous computation of the volume of Sultan of Six’s devotion to actress Kristin Kreuk. In his latest post, he […]
[…] note: The following, done by a mathematician, using the moniker “Behold,” once before made a marvelous computation of the volume of Sultan of Six’s devotion to actress Kristin Kreuk. In his latest post he […]
I was merely correcting the comment above. I have been aware of leap year for a long time. I never “discovered” it. Loser. LOL
Each ejaculation contains about 6 calories of semen.
If ejacutated into MsKristinKreuk’s mouth twice a week and swallowed, she would add about 600 calories per year. With it taking about 3500 calories to add a pound of body weight, over 14 years MsKK would add only about 2.5 pounds on this organic diet.
Even better, ejaculating on MsKK’s face (as the Society of Putzes are taught to do) would result in NO weight gain, and a smoother complexion.
Viva Ejaculative Success!
Touché 👌
The Notorious Spanker when he first spanked his little dinky over Kristin Kook:
Hi all,
If anyone wants a Kristin Kreuk autographed collectors mug with an actual photo of Kristin on the mug in a bathing suit half naked for $17 plus shipping &tax
Just click on the link at the bottom.
I use my Kristin Kreuk mug for my cup of joe in the morning or to hold my various bodily fluids.
Sultan of Six now you can fill Kristin up every morning when you have your coffee!
https://fineartamerica.com/shop/coffee+mugs/kristin+kreuk
He has filled up enough cups with his low-T load encoded with his useless DNA. At least seven cups. Christ help us, he may of spanked it three or more times a week. That would mean MORE than the estimation of 3.70 pounds of halal chutney sauce. Gross.
Are there really people who buy this? I believe that all these Mugs are slow sellers.
I’m sure they’re no longer produced, that definitely a sellout.
Kristin Kreuk literally said “tee hee” on twitter.
https://mobile.twitter.com/MsKristinKreuk/status/1100938984287547392
Girls By Design/NXIVM “Sexy 7”…
good catch, bad for KK indicating she may have written the Sexy 7 article
So that is a good catch and an indicator by now. You guys must be desperate. Maybe she should wear a Kreuk-is-innocent shirt like Stone and she would be innocent.
How about obsessing about real women?
Anonymous,
Desperate? I am married.
I just find both sides of the Kristin Kreuk debate hilarious. They are arguing about nothing. It never ends.
I am not married tbh, but seeing articles like this, I dont know. The accusers are far more obsessed with her than Sultan.
I do not get why Frank believes this to be a newsworthy article.
Anonymous,
At this point I think the accusers are far more obsessed with getting a response from Sultan of Six….
You have to be kidding. The celebrity lovers are attracted to these stories like moths to a light.
“Anonymous February 28, 2019 at 12:53 pm” IS Sultan Of Stalk. He pretends to be other people and talks to himself.
Your sick spanking habits of Kristin Crook have been exposed (certainly barely reached the tip of the halal iceberg) and you are STILL worshipping Kreuk!? Get help Spanky. At a minimum, you have jizzed out 3.70 pounds of revolting jizz over Kristin Kook.
3.70 POUNDS!!!
I am not Sultan. You do not have to share her with me. But is it not pathetic to accuse everyone who exposes your pea-brain to be him?
“If you’re not going to offend somebody you don’t need the First Amendment”.
Larry Flynt
SEVEN CUPS of jizz to match Kristin Crook’s “Sexy SEVEN” questions for little girls to answer on her NXIVM website Girls By Design, for pedophile Keith Raniere.
So, sultan has spanked out 1.68 litres of lazy jizz from his … noodle spanking it to Kristin Kook, therefore, this 1 litre bottle is literally not big enough to contain all that jizz:
Sad.
REALLY, WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DO WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS OBSESSION
CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK
“REALLY, WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DO WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS OBSESSION”
If you can’t take the heat, get out of the halal kitchen. 👳🏾♂️
You know, this blog has a lot more credibility when it’s not about personal attacks. Just sayin.
Stop being so uptight and enjoy a little humor.
I enjoy a little humor. This wasn’t humorous. I often don’t agree with Sultan and wish he wouldn’t invest so much emotion in this celebrity but this is just mockery, the lowest form of “humor” at someone’s expense. Shouldn’t have been made into a post.
Sultan – don’t lower yourself with a comment!
You’re right, it wasn’t humorous. I apologize. It was FRICKIN’ HILARIOUS!!!
Tex2,
Admits to writing the story!!! Tex2 does like running experiments involving liquids.
How about putting this past experiment up on YouTube?
Fricking Hillarious for a texan cowfucker
LOL
Agree, Snorlax 5:27
Plus the personal attacks are dumb and dumber, as if written by horny teen boys. I can tell because I used to be one.
Dat you sultan ?
“TWICE WEEKLY at a minimum– That would be– 96 spanks a year”
52 weeks in a year time 2 equals = 96?????
I suspect Behold, like all the other many posters who love to imagine Sultan jerking off to Kristin, that they actually are projecting their own desires toward her…or maybe they secretly fantasize watching Sultan spank. Whambulance!!!
2 spanks a week
8 spanks a month =
8 x 12 = 96
MAGA Math LOL
February is the only month with 4 weeks exactly—and it happens only every fourth year—but maybe that is fake news.
It’s not an exact science dummy. But it’s pretty damn close.
Sorry, Behold. Math is the very definition of an “exact science.”
But your obsession with Sultan’s cum is the very definition of juvenile.
Science is supposed to be exact, dummy. Otherwise it is not science
February is 28 days three out of four years, along with other exceptions: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leap_year
Hey everybody!!!!
Holy shit!!!
Tex2 has done discovered leap year!
I think this may be a clue that a certain someone was homeschooled…
The method of estimating the number of spanks and amount of jizz is not an exact science. It was based on likely guestimation. The math is exact but the method is not. Cry some more spanky.
You sound like an expert. When did you find out that this was your calling in life, i.e., estimating jizz amounts per year. How many times have you run this experiment and how many guys have you helped jack off in addition to conducting this experiment on yourself?
You mad Spanky?
Don’t shit yourself spanky!
It’s a rough estimation that is probably very close to the real amount. Chances are, you have been spankin’ it to Kristin Kook since before 2005 and more than twice a week!
He is so fucking dumb he can ‘t even do realistic math correctly. He can’t read nor write nor do math.
And he actually spent time proving his obsession with me – someone who he thinks is worthless – by attempting to make a lame joke about the amount of semen I supposedly emit per year wanking to Kristin.
This is drunken frat boy “humor”.
I don’t know how someone can be so oblivious to proving himself a total embarrassment to human dignity. I don’t even have to say or do anything. He embarr-ASS-es himself.
Pull that stick out of your ass Spanky.
“I don’t even have to say or do anything.”
Good. Then shut the fuck up, wash your jizzed up washcloth which is probably like a piece of cardboard right now and fuck off.
Thanks. I threw up in my mouth. But probably only a half cup of puke – not to rival, nor outdo the Sultan’s 7 + cups of jizz.
How did he cum up with that number?
You’re embarrassing yourself.
You know what truly rhymes with Spank?
Frank.
Not so much Sultan though.
For example, this “article” – if it can be loosely called such – ironically is a complete mental masturbation of irrelevance.
Dear Everyone,
Leave Sultan of Six alone and Kristin Kreuk to!
Do you weep uncontrollably every time it’s announced Kristin Kreuk has a new amour ?
Have you ever been arrested for stealing Kristin Kreuk’s garbage at 4am on rainy night?
Have you ever spend $5000 dollars on customized wallpaper made from Kristin Kreuk autographed photos to decorate your bedroom?
Have you been barred from attending comic cons?
Have you ever used up all your vacation days and sick days at work because you travel to Kristn Kreuk celebrity appearances?
Sultan of Six has done it all and so much more.
Sultan of six’s deep spiritual connection to Kristin Kreuk transcends the normal boundaries of commonsense and sanity.
Let love conquer all!
Damn you Frank Parlato !
Leave Kristin Kreuk & Sultan of Six alone!
“You have to be able to tolerate what you don’t necessarily like so you can be free”. Larry Flynt
Spanky made a rhyme. Tee Hee !!
The Spank Maestro turned the Frank Report into the Spank Report. That is a lot of low quality jizz. 👳🏾♂️💩 Imagine shining an infrared light on his computer keyboard.
That’s really funny! , a little i/r light and the spanksters keyboard lights up like Chernobyl.
Like fireworks on 4th July.
Holy crap that’s gross…
And just think, Spanky used to be a character on The Little Rascals. Now it has an entirely different meaning.
Uhhhhhhh