Christmas Present For The Vanguard


By Evonne Brossard 

Sexologist Correspondent 

A reader who knows Vanguard sent me this link  – with this helpful suggestion: “Maybe you can put together a fund-raising effort so that we can get one of these for the Vanguard for Christmas.”

The gift suggested is a “masturbation coach”. The cost: $100 per hour.

It may make sense, since our Vanguard was a man uniquely addicted to sex and so skillful at it that he branded his women. Now that he is in jail and likely to remain there for many years to come [tee hee], he has no access to women or even girls.

The coaches are known as “sexological bodyworkers” and one, Joseph Kramer, Ph.D., is the Vanguard of the movement. In 1984, he founded the Body Electric School in Oakland, California to educate men about their “orgasmic potential.”  They believe in a hands-on approach.

According to the Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers, the most common problems are premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and an inability to achieve orgasm.

From Keith Raniere’s texts and reports from his slaves, we know he has at least two of these conditions.

Coach Bruce P. Grether has a male masturbation coaching business called Erotic Engineering. His services — which are available via Skype — costs $100 per hour.

Would Vanguard be interested in having a coach?

Coach Grether teaches “mindful masturbation,” which, using words that sound similar to Vanguard’s word salad, teaches students to be “fully present” during masturbation, or “self-pleasure,” as he would phrase it.  Coach Grether does not like the M-word.

Coach Grether says, “Human sexuality becomes most rewarding when it connects directly with self-love. The cliché is that women associate emotion with eroticism more than men, but this is something men can learn.”

Kai Helmich, another masturbatory coach, says, “Most men have no idea how to use their sexual energy as a constructive force.”

He would advise Vanguard to avoid porn in prison.  The problem with porn-aided masturbation, according to Coach Helmich, is “It may give men the idea that they will be ‘more of man’ if they go out there and fuck something; if they go out there and dominate through sex. That is so devastating to the world.”

Why they might even blackmail and brand slaves.

Coach Helmich suggests that men like Raniere try thinking of their cock as a “wand of light, not as a sword”.

In fact, Coach Helmich is organizing a workshop titled “From a Fucker to a Lover”.

Raniere might organize a workshop in prison entitled “From a Fucker to a Loser”.

Coach Helmich suggests masturbating to a timer. “Set it to 25 minutes. Really force yourself to feel all those sensations. Try to really get inside of yourself.”

This is better than what Vanguard tried to do – which was to get inside the pants of every girl or slender woman he met.

Perhaps Vanguard might consider an EM, an Exploration of Masturbation to help him find out what childhood issue made him such a pervert.

Once you ejaculate, Coach Helmich suggests, “Lie down and enjoy that beautiful chemical cocktail of endorphins.”

With Raniere’s patent pending tech, men might even learn to see a blue light.

Of course, coaches say, carving that extra time out of your day isn’t easy, especially when considering the demands of work and family life. But, according to the M-experts, it’s worth trying.

Raniere has all the time in the world.

Coach Grether says, “all adult human males have a right to … work on meditation, self-awareness, … and refine masturbation skills.”

Raniere is a human male more or less.

Says Coach Grether. “With competent coaching and dedicated practice, men can learn to orgasm without ejaculation, sometimes called a ‘dry orgasm’ and continue self-pleasure without losing erection or enjoyment.”

This is what Raniere needs rather than getting his First Line slaves to find him fuck toys to sexually energize him.

Coach Helmich says it takes three sessions to correct most masturbatory blunders.

According to Coach Helmich, most guys have a hard time remembering there are areas other than the penis that possesses erotic potential.

Raniere has a hard time having any hard time at all.

As Coach Grether says, “…most men have some interest in the potentials of their own penis.”

This could be called Sexecutive Sexcess

If ever a field needed the world’s smartest man to lend a hand, it has to be this field and the man to handle this hard work is our Vanguard.

But will we put forth what is necessary?

Christmas is less than a month away and certainly if we are going to organize this fund-raising effort, we need a rapid response and earnest commitments. Please – in the comment section – indicate how much you will donate to this worthwhile effort.

To give Keith a “Meretricious and a Happy New Year.”

Otherwise, as Marc Agnifilo said, Keith will be a very soft man.

Related image

MK10ART — Keith in jail.



About the author

Frank Parlato


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  • I’ll chip in to send him a book on Jim Jones – who by the way – wound up DEAD from his efforts to exploit, control and enslave those who believed in him. It would be a great guide for KAR on what not to do, once he is released THIRTY YEARS from now.

    On second thought, a book might provide KAR a welcome diversion from his miserable surroundings, so, nevermind!

    I think we should send him sugarless gum and calorie-free, unflavored ramen noodles. Tons and tons of them. Thereby he can remember his female devotees.

  • Remarkably well written as usual, Evonne! I’ll put my 2 cents in, as usual. Mightn’t we entertain some other X-mas present ideas for Vanguard in case this one doesn’t hold up (tee, hee)?

  • During my childhood, I recall soap on a rope. Haven’t seen it for years now but it would have been an ideal gift for Vanguard, not having to bend in the showers to retrieve any lost soap.

      • OMG Heidi! It must be making a comeback. I just found loads on Amazon UK. The “Hello Handsome, Wash Your Nuts’ soap on a rope may be perfect for a certain cult leader with a hygiene problem. 😁

  • Unfortunately Mr Raineres pleasures of any type mean nothing to me. So I will probably donate to the needy rather than the greedy.

  • So what are the chances that some of the “collateral” is now being used for this very purpose by that other illustrious Raniere organization called Society of Protectors?

About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” In addition, he was credited in the Starz docuseries 'Seduced' for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premieres on May 22, 2022.

IMDb — Frank Parlato,_Jr.

Contact Frank with tips or for help.
Phone / Text: (305) 783-7083