By Evonne Brossard
Foreign Correspondent
Your intrepid reporter here today, this is Evonne Brossard wishing you a fantastic Holiday season. Are you a budding cult member? Need a remote Caribbean island to lay down your plans? Want to feel warm trade winds blowing through your hair? And as Kristin Kook says with, “More blowing going on tonight, tee hee.”
Well, I have the place for you. Richard Branson has just announced that his Cult Hideaway is open and ready for business! Check out the renovations below:
Overhead view of Cult Paradise, aka ‘Naked Island’…ummm…I mean Necker Island. Plenty of space to conduct initiations, vagina branding, sleep deprivation, and medical experiments. Oh my!
Inside view of the newly renovated common areas. Perfect to observe and conduct human fright experiments.
Want to wine and dine airhead heiresses? You can do that here also! Impress clueless imbeciles with way too much money to spend and no common sense. Our facility encourages this!
Rates start at $50,000 per night. Can host up to 40 people.
While the glory days of Necker Island –
But that was the past and with Salzman indicted, new leadership is needed.
As for Necker Island, for more info, please call 1-800-GET-AWAY. If that number is busy, try 1-800-CRM-PAYS. See you soon!
Frank Parlato 
Janine Morrison 
J.J. O'Hara 
Richard Luthmann 
Marie White 
Paul Serran
Please leave a comment: Your opinion is important to us!
Were the original facilities blown away in a hurricane, or did it take that long the fumigate the place to rid it of the germs brought by NXIVM participants?
I’d bet Branson really regrets renting the island out to nxivm. Nothing but bad publicity for him from it. He’ll probably take a closer look at groups renting his joint out in the future.
And as Kristin Kook says with, “More blowing going on tonight, tee hee.”
Nicki Clyne said that at Acapella Innovations, not on Necker Island. It was a joke that referenced song lyrics of one of the bands who was there. Kristin just laughed along with half of the audience. It was probably the first time Nicki thought she had a chance at comedy. Also, her name is Kristin KREUK. Learn how to spell her name Evonne BrASSard.
Nice, Evonne! (Hey, spelled your name right this time.) You’re very funny. Keep ‘em coming, please.
Kristin Kook and Ally Wack were on Necker Island with other top NXIVM people. Of course they knew about money laundering plans exposed by John Tigue. Of course they knew that they were both named in Joe O’Hara’s lawsuit as likely future defendants – and why. Of course they knew they were both named in the Albany Times Union expose that exposed Keith Raniere as a raper of little girls. Tee hee!
What useless pricks the mainstream press are. Do your damn jobs. Tee hee!
I imagine the cult counted on the same thing Hillary Clinton does. There is very little true news anymore. What used to be an impartial reporting of life, politics and true stories about people is nothing more than paid political advertising, unfortunately liberals you make it easy for illegal activities to slip by the press as there is no accountability for false news it’s easy to convince people that true stories are false. And where do Hollywood stars get the idea that we want their political opinions?
The real truth may come out at trial.
Anne said: “liberals make it easy for illegal activities to slip by the press as there is no accountability for false news, it’s easy to convince people that true stories are false.”
If you are saying the “liberal” press should try harder to point out the president’s lies (over 6,000 so far) then I agree with you.
If you meant something else…I’m confused.
Amen, Anne. Objective investigative journalism and pure reporting are a thing of the past – no matter “which” side you’re on. (Are there really only TWO sides? Count me out.)