Frank Report Caption Contest for Photo of Raniere & Girlfriend & Child

Mariana and Keith Raniere with their son in 2017.

Keith Raniere was photographed Sunday in San Pedro Garza Garcia walking with longtime girlfriend, Mariana Fernandez, and their infant son in a stroller.

But what were they saying, thinking and doing? With Vanguard on the lamb, it’s hard to know what is on his world’s smartest mind.



Now, for the fist time ever, Frank Report is conducting a contest: for best caption for this photo.

The prize for the winning caption is uncertain.

Please submit your best captions in the comments section below.

Help Frank Report by submitting your best caption for the photo above.



About the author

Frank Parlato


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  • Let’s go one more lap. I am telling you, we are going to start a new trend with these matching caps and shirts…

  • Keith: ” I don’t know if I can make a full lap before shitting my pants…AGAIN! Fucking Mexican Montezumas! I’m going to have to stick with black so no one will notice the stains.”
    Mariana: “Honey, you could never keep to the DOS diet, this is perfect calorie control for you! Your mac and cheese poochy belly will shrink in no time!”
    Keith: “I miss Clifton Park pizza and Hooters burgers. Do I get Father of the Year yet? I want to make sure everyone in this f’ing community sees me pushing this stroller.”

  • M- So it’s beautiful that our bebe is speaking in full sentences at 4 months already, but I’m concerned about what he’s been saying…
    K- Tell me
    M- Well he said ‘Daddy bad man. Daddy evil sociopath! Mommy needs to run away from him! Run Mommy run!’

  • At which age can infants be branded? And do Espians believe that you end up in hell when you die without being branded?

  • I’m pretty sure what Keith is saying is this :

    “Do you think if I put on the babies bonnet and got into the stroller, that the police won’t be able to find me? I’m sure I could fit in that thing!”

  • Keith: Mariana you have put on weight!! You’re looking chubby.
    Mariana: I just had a baby!
    Keith: Are you using our child as an excuse for your overindulgence? That is a breach that you will never be able to heal. I will have to eat more as a penance for you.

  • Mariana: Don’t you think it’s a little weird that everyone leaves us? I mean it’s quite consistent what they say no? I was thinking about what you were saying about looking at how we are wrong. Maybe we are wrong in this, or at least need to be open to feedback…?
    Keith: You might want to look at your postulates around this.
    Mariana: Keith-y I’m trying to address this with you, please help me understand! For Kemar’s sake.
    Keith: Please my sweet. I may look like a big and strong Vanguardian, but I am really a small stubby insecure man with severe attachment issues. Please don’t question me my love. I’m taking on a penance right now for you.

  • Mariana: Maybe it was a little weird that we were having sex when Pamela was dying…?

    The Vanguard: Well… You see… it depends on your assumption. It depends on how you look at it. Could I play tennis when a loved one was dying? What if I put my heart and soul into the tennis? Perhaps I dedicate the tennis to the loved one… Perhaps tennis itself becomes about the loved one… Perhaps tennis is the loved one………..You understand?

    Mariana: [Silent]

      • Really? Because just imagine how cute little baby Keith would be, all bundled up in the stroller while the ladies push him around town.
        It could be the perfect solution for him…hiding in plain sight. If he speaks it won’t even seem suspicious, because I bet his son is also able to speak in full sentences since birth, just like dear old dad was.

  • Ok, I will try one:
    If my tools were any good my child would be taken care of by child development specialists

    Not that good, but for starters.

About the Author

Frank Parlato is an investigative journalist.

His work has been cited in hundreds of news outlets, like The New York Times, The Daily Mail, VICE News, CBS News, Fox News, New York Post, New York Daily News, Oxygen, Rolling Stone, People Magazine, The Sun, The Times of London, CBS Inside Edition, among many others in all five continents.

His work to expose and take down NXIVM is featured in books like “Captive” by Catherine Oxenberg, “Scarred” by Sarah Edmonson, “The Program” by Toni Natalie, and “NXIVM. La Secta Que Sedujo al Poder en México” by Juan Alberto Vasquez.

Parlato has been prominently featured on HBO’s docuseries “The Vow” and was the lead investigator and coordinating producer for Investigation Discovery’s “The Lost Women of NXIVM.” He also appeared in "Branded and Brainwashed: Inside NXIVM, and was credited in the Starz docuseries "Seduced" for saving 'slave' women from being branded and escaping the sex-slave cult known as DOS.

Additionally, Parlato’s coverage of the group OneTaste, starting in 2018, helped spark an FBI investigation, which led to indictments of two of its leaders in 2023.

Parlato appeared on the Nancy Grace Show, Beyond the Headlines with Gretchen Carlson, Dr. Oz, American Greed, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt, where Parlato conducted the first-ever interview with Keith Raniere after his arrest. This was ironic, as many credit Parlato as one of the primary architects of his arrest and the cratering of the cult he founded.

Parlato is a consulting producer and appears in TNT's The Heiress and the Sex Cult, which premieres on May 22, 2022.

IMDb — Frank Parlato

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